luckystars
Sometimes it's "Can't wait!" other days it's "Wait a minute..."
Mar 10, 2010
So I don't really know why but I keep going back and forth on whether or not this lap band thingy is a good idea. I make the best decisions when I have a pro and con list, lots of information and research behind the decision and testimonials of other people who have done it. I have a consultation, seminar, psyche exam on the 30th of this month. My husband and I are doing it together - so that's even more support! Even with all of these things - I'm still waffling. (Mmm...waffles..I'll miss those)There's just something about this idea that's really making me hesitate. If I understand all the research - once you have the surgery it's important to do the following things:
1) Make every bite of food count.
2) Deal with the emotional eating issues (if you have any - and I do)
3) Get plenty of excersise!
4) Have a good support system.
That's obviously not everything you're supposed to do - but just a few things that are sticking out in my mind. It would seem to me that if I could do those things now - I wouldn't need the surgery.
Alright so lets say I get the surgery...what's plan?
1. Lots of liquids (only) at first....for like a month.
2) Then gradually work back up to solid foods and - eat less! Eat less or your tummy will explode.
Sooo....why can't I just do this now? Ah yes, because once I hit "that time of the month" all bets are off. I could be a super star and workout every day, eat oodles of veggies and protine and stay away from the deliciously evil carbs all month....and then....(dramatic doom foreshadowing music) it's PMS week!!! Aaaaahhhhh!!! Lock up your frosting it's all over. That's why.
I love that I'm making up ridiculous excuses for why I shouldn't do the surgery - like this gem: The fact that I won't be able to take my supplements (Iron, st. johns, omega 3, etc.) or drink coffee. What's funny about that is - I go weeks without taking my supplements and think nothing of it - except for the fact that I know I should take them because I feel better when I do. And as for the coffee - well I should give that up too anyways...and I have already been taking steps to do so.
I also recently discovered that I don't want to do yoga because it will make me "breath and feel things". So...since I won't be eating much and I recently quit smoking - what am I going to do with my time? What will this do to my relationship with my husband (who's doing it too)? Oh yeah and how the heck am I going to afford it?
All these questions and negative thoughts about going through with it swirl around and then my mind gets quiet for a minute and I can see the skinny me just rolling her eyes at me and the she starts to say:
"Hey, didn't you say you wanted to have a baby soon? Wouldn't you like to have a healthy pregnancy and be one of those annoying skinny women with a basketball for a belly? Aren't you tired of being tired and in pain because of your wieght? Are you really a fan of PCOS? So what if you can't take your big huge horse pills - you do know they make liquid versions right? Wouldn't you love to be able to spring out of bed and slide into those jeans you still have in the back of your closet? Aren't there a million other reasons why you want to lose that extra 100lbs you're needlessly carrying around?"
She raises some excellent points. So maybe I'm not so sure about it because I've been so unhappy being fat my whole life that it's all I know and I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I was skinny and healthy (and not depressed).
I know I don't need this protection anymore (read: my chubby skin). I'm safe, and loved and I am really lucky to be where I am today. So why cling to it? Here's where the hesitation comes - because I feel like once I figure out the "why" - I won't need the surgery. Subsequently, I won't feel like a failure for needing the surgery.
Anyways...that's my babble for the day.
