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Had my psychological done, and guess what, I have some issues like being highly critical of myself, self-esteem issues, repression and isolation are my most used defense mechanisms.  Go figure, a fat lady that is critical of herself and has poor self esteem, who would have thought that.  I wonder if a skinny person ever thought about sitting in a booth in a restaurant, taking a plane ride, sitting in rides at the amusement parks, or anything similar to those things. I would reason to bet they hadn't ever considered the amount of shame involved in doing any of those things.  I know I have issues, and I know my weight plays a large role in those issues.  That is one of the biggest reasons I want to lose the weight, that and the fact that I am tired of being so tired, and hurting all the time. 

My husband, lord love him, once asked my why I was so tired.  His words were "you sit at your desk all day, how come you are so tired in the evening?"  After calming down, and explaining to him that my job was more than just sitting (I am a social worker), I further explained to him that every day I carry another person on my back with me with each step I take.  He said he had never thought about it like that.  I told him to carry around 200 # of anything on his back all day, and then tell me how tired he was at the end of the day.  Of course he wasn't willing to do that.

Well, I guess I will discuss some of these issues with a therapist and try to work them out before surgery.  I know that this surgery is going to be life changing, and I am determined to do it successfully.

Met with Dr. Shin yesterday for my initial consult.  Got measured weighed and all that good stuff.  Medical history and finally met Dr. Shin.  He seems to be a very kind hearted caring surgeon.  Lays all the facts out and which helps you with the decision as to which procedure to have done.  I have chosen to have the Roux-en-Y. 

Today I met with the psychologist and started that process.  Boy the steps you have to go through for this procedure.  If they made new parents go through some of this stuff before having children we may have a whole lot less abuse and neglect, but there I go digressing again.  I don't think there will be any problems with the psychological, I think I am pretty well adjusted, just fat.

Dr. Shin does want me to lose 20 pounds, and I am going to do my best.  I just need to get out there and move more.  It seems more like a reality now, so I have a better chance of losing that 20 pounds.  The process takes so long and you start to give up, so this has jump started me on the weight loss kick.  Well that is all for now, as always, I wish everyone out there that is in the beginning, the middle or on the final steps of this process the best of luck on your own weight loss saga. Remember we didn't put this weight on overnight, it surely will not come off over night.

I am meeting with my weight loss surgeon next week, and then going for my psychological.  Hopefully all the pieces I have been working on will start falling into place, and this long awaited puzzle will be solved.