My biggest fear is NOT the surgery but rather the BEFORE photo

May 28, 2011

I know this sounds silly, but I am absolutely silly frantic about getting a "before" picture taken. I have NOT had a FULL BODY...UN PHOTO-CHOPPED  picture of myself in 4 years! I absolutely refuse to take pictures. This has been the topic of ridicule and .harrassment from many a drunk relative at family funtions. Am I being irrational here? I hate the way i look in picuters and even when my 3 year old grabs my cell phone and takes my picture I quickly snatch it out of his hands and hit TRASH..without even looking at it. It's gotten to "phobia" preportions. I don't even look at yself full body in the mirror. I know what I look like..but I guess I don't WANT to know what I look like to others.
And the thought of another man (albeit the doctor...) seeing my body...omgeee! I know this is crazy, I mean like 5 dozen people see you naked with breasts and everything else exposed when you're in the hospital giving birth, but I guess it never botherd me then because I had "an excuse". I know this is a neccessary evil to get to my goal, But really I am facing one of my biggest fears!

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