My Mothers Legacy

Jun 22, 2009

Got my blood work results for the surgery.

It says that I have high blood sugar and the PHP wants to see me. To put me on medicine before surgery. I am afraid of becoming my mother. At least now I know the facts.

My mother was diabetic and had to take insulin shots. She was morbidly obese, and now I find my self suffering from the medical issues she had and wondering if I will slip into her mental state, too!


 I was 16 and had to learn how to give her those shots, prepare her meals and make sure that she ate right. She rejected all of my help and ate fudge-cycles, drank diet fresca, ate potato chips, by the big bag full, and  had pizza delivered almost every night.
When ever she wanted sympathy attention from her husband and children, or wanted to manipulate them. She eventually learned to make her sugar get high enough on holidays and when she was P.O.'d, she would be hospitalized.  She enjoyed being sick.

My goodness where did that come from. I am crying and wondering Why she was so unhappy that she used this illness to kill herself instead of changing to make her life better. We could have been close and done things together. I wanted her to be the mom the other girls had. The kind I am with my kids. The kind of mom I promised to be to them when I first held them in my arm on their birthdays.

Now I have a daughter and  son, and I hear them saying to me the things that I myself, said to my mother.
I am glad that I have chosen to change my life, for ME, for my Kids, and for my Mother who didn't know what the answers were. And didn't know how much I loved her.

I believe that this is gonna be a long journey and I will make a lot of these discoveries about my self along the way.

0 Comments