marymazilla
ABC's
Sep 13, 2010
THE ABCs
By Angel Tammy McFarlane from Cambridge, ON, Canada
A is for anger. Anger at myself that I have failed at so many different weight loss treatments and anger at other people for their lack of compassion. I have tried everything throughout the years. Although I am successful in every other aspect of my life, I have failed miserably at losing weight and keeping it off.
B is for bust. When I eat, my bust is a shelf that catches all crumbs and drips. I always have spots on my shirts instead of in my lap like other people! Forget the pretty, frilly bras that normal sized women wear. My bras are "medieval torture devices". I'm really looking forward to buying bras at Victoria's Secret!
C is for cruelty. We all shake our heads at the cruelty of some people towards others who are different in some way. However, those same people think nothing of making comments about obese people that cut them to the core. "You have such a pretty face….", "why don't you do something about that extra weight?", "what makes a person want to eat so much food?", "are you sure you should eat that?", etc, etc. And then there are the looks of scorn and disgust. So much for appreciating diversity and accepting everybody as they are! That is the biggest joke of all. We take pride in Canada as being a country that embraces all people. We're inclusive, we're respectful of all people, and we really care!! That is, unless you happen to be obese. Then all bets are off.
D is for depression. Being obese is no picnic so to speak. I have struggled with depression for as long as I have struggled with my weight. It is easy to agree with the opinions of others that I am just a weak, undisciplined person. It is hard to find your way out of the dark pit of despair when everyone around you blames you for the condition you find yourself in.
E is for eating. I eat the same things that my family eats. However, binge eating is my downfall and why I am so overweight. Why do I binge? I have no clue but the beauty of weight loss surgery is that it will stop the binge eating. If I overeat, I will throw up. It is that simple. I hate to throw up but I will choose that any day over living with daily binges for the rest of my life.
F is for fun. When you are obese you miss out on a lot of fun. There are activities and events I forego because I either am not physically able to participate or am too embarrassed about my size to want to try.
G is for Genetics. There is obviously some correlation there. Several studies show that children born to obese parents and adopted to thin parents grow up to have a weight problem, or a lifelong struggle to control their weight. I am sick of this battle.
H is for hide. Sometimes I want to just hide away from the rest of the world. Unlike God who sees our inner person, some people seem to actually hate obese people strictly due to their weight. If you doubt this, check out the posts of trolls who love to torment people via various "big people" support groups. People are not neutral about obesity. It is one of the last groups of people who are considered fair game for rude comments and disdain (along with people of religion).
I is for insanity. I'm sure you have heard the definition of insanity sometimes attributed to Einstein, i.e., "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different result." I am finally through trying the same old weight loss programs. I am leaving the insanity behind and going with the only permanent weight loss solution – weight loss surgery.
J is for jealousy. I am so tired of looking at people of normal weight and feeling envious. I envy their freedom to wear cute clothes, I envy their ability to do fun things with their children like riding a bike, I envy their ease at moving around and fitting in. I could go on and on. If you have never struggled with your weight, I hope you know how blessed you are.
K is for kids. Kids can be even crueler than adults. Adults are usually more subtle in their put downs and condescending ways. With kids, there are no holds barred. Sure, some of the comments are innocent such as "Are you having another baby?". Others are quite the opposite. My son is constantly teased by other kids because of my weight. Of course the reality is that children reflect the views and beliefs of their parents. How sad that parents see nothing wrong with kids hurting other kids with cruel taunts.
L is for love. I love my husband and sons and do not want to die young. The thought of leaving my little boys without a mother is more than I can bear. My sons need me and I want to be here for them for as long as they need me.
M is for money. I obviously spend a lot of money on food and groceries. Also, plus size clothes cost more than normal sized clothes. What a waste of money! I would much rather spend my money on fun vacations, nice things for my home, etc, etc.
N is for nightmare. Being morbidly obese is like being trapped in a nightmare you cannot wake up from. Everywhere you turn there are reminders that you are not "normal" and don't fit in. Living in a society that seems to treasure youth and thinness over all other qualities is definitely a nightmare for me.
O is for ordinary. Thin people have no idea how difficult some ordinary activities can be for obese people. Every aspect of my life is impacted by my weight. It is hard to walk, tie my shoes, put on pantyhose, do chores, etc. Ordinary things that thin people never worry about cause me a great deal of consternation. For example, my son's school had a concert in the gym. I stopped in horror at the bottom of the bleachers as I realized that I was going to have to climb a few rows to get to my seat. I was so afraid that the seats would break under my weight. Or how about those folding chairs they use at various events? Do you ever worry about having the chair break out from under you? I do. Most ordinary people can walk between two parked cars. Not me – I have to turn sideways and sometimes I still get my clothes dirty from rubbing against one of the cars.
P is for pain. Above and beyond the emotional pain of being obese, there is also the physical pain. I am in pain every day of my life. I have pain in my hips, knees, ankles, and feet. And don't forget my back. As I write this, I'm experiencing excruciating pain in my lower back that started 3 days ago. People tell me helpful exercises to improve the muscles of my back but I am not physically capable of doing the very exercises that will help me.
Q is for quack. I've been to a couple of "doctors" who should not be allowed to practice medicine. While there are many excellent doctors who treat bariatric patients, there are also a few slime balls out to make a quick buck on vulnerable people. For example, I went to a doctor whose patients all had thyroid problems! Isn't that amazing? All of us were treated with thyroid pills but guess what? It didn't work. I stopped taking them when my family doctor insisted that I stop taking the pills because they could cause permanent problems and I did not have a thyroid problem to begin with. Then there are the doctors with their miracle vitamins or liquid diets. Please. Why do people keep going to these creeps? Two reasons, desperation and the fact that most legitimate doctors do not know how to treat morbid obesity.
R is for restaurants. Ever try to fit into a booth when you're a size 4X? Many hostesses are very good at casually asking if you would prefer a table. They have seen heavy people unable to fit comfortably in a booth and so try to save you the embarrassment of trying the booth and then having to ask for a table instead. Even so, some restaurant chairs are equally uncomfortable. Some have arms that cut into your hips or thighs and some are just plain flimsy. Then there are the restaurants where tables are squeezed tightly together with very little aisle space. It is so humiliating to try to squeeze by in order to get to your table. I'm sure the other patrons don't appreciate having my chest and rear end squish against them as I walk by either!
S is for sweat. I am miserable because I am so hot all the time. When other people are cold, I am hot and sweaty. I hate having damp undergarments and beads of sweat on my forehead. I can't wait until I can wear all kinds of fabrics again instead of cotton year round!
T is for technology. It is amazing how far weight loss surgery has come in the last few years. It is nothing like the old intestinal bypass operations, which were dangerous and often left the patient with life long health problems. I am so grateful for modern technology including the tools and methods that will allow my surgeon to perform my Roux-en-Y.
U is for ultimatum. In January 2003, my wonderful doctor took my hand and very compassionately told me I was headed for a heart attack, stroke or would end up disabled in a wheel chair if I did not lose weight. Sure, other doctors had talked to me about my weight (many in a condescending manner) but this was the first time I clearly heard "lose weight or else!" from a doctor who really cared about me as a person.
V is for vacations. There are no plus size seats for airplanes, amusement rides, and other tourist attractions where they pack you in like sardines so they can make more money. Turnstiles are really fun too. Luckily I've never gotten stuck in one but I know some people who have to use a separate gate because they can't fit through the turnstile. I love going to tropical locations for vacation. I look forward to enjoying warm sunny places. It is not just the "S is for sweat" aspect; it is also the embarrassment that stops me from wearing a bathing suit. I love to swim but I can't stand the looks from other people who think they are better than me because they are thin.
W is for weight (what else could it be?). I need to lose more than half of my current weight to be considered normal. Obviously there is no quick fix or miracle pill that will solve this problem. Weight loss surgery is serious business and I'm not going into this with my eyes closed. I accept that there will be pain at first. I accept that my life and habits will change dramatically. I accept that I cannot undo this surgery once it is done. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make this work. If I had a brain tumor I would not hesitate to have what is arguably the most serious form of surgery – brain surgery.
X is for XXXL. All my clothes are 3X or 4X. I hate seeing all those nasty X's! I buy clothes because they fit. I want to get to the point where I buy clothes because I like how they look. I can't wait to stop shopping at the plus size stores (not that there are that many to choose from).
Y is for years. I have wasted too many years trying to find a permanent weight loss solution. I am now in my mid-thirties. I want the rest of my life to be free from weight issues.
Z is for zest. I want to enjoy every day and experience things I have shied away from because of my weight. I want to truly experience what it means to have a zest for life.
