Mathew M.
June 22, 2015
My dear friends and family members,
Pirkei Avot 1:14
Rabbi Hillel the Elder says:
If I am not for myself who is for me? And being for my own self, what am I? And if not now, when?
Those who know me are aware that I have struggled with my weight most of my life. As an adult, I have fluctuated by as much as 100 pounds. While I have been successful at reducing my weight, like so many others, I have been far less successful in keeping it off. In addition to my diabetes, as a result of my weight, I also have various co-morbidities including hypertension and high cholesterol; all of which threaten my long term health and longevity.
As I approach the end of my 40’s and the end of my rabbinic school journey, and as I look forward to my new future as a rabbi and servant to the Jewish people, I realize that I have so much more to do and so much more to live. After extensive research and consultation with people who I respect and trust, I have made the decision to find a permanent and significant solution to this problem. This last summer before ordination presented the best and perhaps last opportunity for a block of time that can be dedicated solely to my future health. Marie, my wife, best friend and most trusted person in this world, has been and continues to be my support through it all.
On Friday, June 19th, I checked in to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles to undergo bariatric surgery in the form of a “vertical sleeve gastrectomy.” This is performed by actually removing approximately 75 percent of the stomach itself, leaving just a tubular pouch about the shape and size of a banana. Unlike some other bariatric procedures, the VSG does not alter the path or function of the digestive system apart from physically limiting the space in the stomach. This is not a magic bullet and must be followed up with significant lifestyle changes, but in general, because people who undergo this procedure are simply unable to eat more than small amounts of food at one time, they have an extremely high rate of success taking the weight off and keeping it off.
In the months leading up to my surgery, I began acquiring the new habits that I will need to be successful. In order to even undergo the surgery, patients are required to lose a significant amount of weight to make room for the surgeon to work, and to shrink the liver which must be retracted to gain access to the stomach. In addition to a preoperative weight loss of over 20 pounds, I attended numerous classes and support groups aimed at teaching the skills needed to carry on post-surgery with the greatest chance of success.
Psalm 24 teaches: “The earth is the Lord’s and all that it holds, the world and all who dwell within.” It is a general principle in Jewish ethical and philosophical thought that everything, including the very bodies we inhabit, belongs to God. Therefore it is not optional to take at the very least, reasonable care of one’s body. My teacher Rabbi Elliot Dorff writes, “Just as we would be obliged to take reasonable care of an apartment on loan to us, so too we have the duty to take care of our own bodies. Rules of good hygiene, sleep, exercise, and diet are not just words to the wise designed for our comfort and longevity but rather commanded acts that we owe God.” Over the years I have learned that, similar to those with alcoholism, or people who suffer from drug or gambling addictions, to a certain degree, I am powerless over food. I have honesty tried and failed enough times to know that I need help. The science is available, and while there are risks associated with any surgery, carefully weighing all of my options led me to conclude that the risks of remaining obese far outweigh the risks of the procedure. This is not about vanity, and while looking better will certainly be a welcome side-effect, my decision is predominantly based upon improving my health and a desire to live longer and feel better.
At 7:30 in the morning last Friday I found myself in the operating room overwhelmed with a range of emotions and surrounded by a virtual army of medical professionals. I offered a prayer to the Merciful One, thanking God for leading me to such a fine facility, and such an excellent medical team including my surgeon, Dr. Scott Cunneen. I asked the Holy One to help guide their hands and their hearts to perform their art with skill and compassion, and pledged to do everything in my power to honor the gift of this second chance at health and life.
The surgery was performed laparoscopically, went flawlessly, and I was up and on my feet within just a few short hours. Marie has been by my side every step of the way. Over the next couple of days, I continued to regain my strength, was able to take long walks in the form of laps around the hospital floor, and began my liquid diet. It started with small sips of water, and has now progressed to liquids and protein shakes. Over the next several weeks I will gradually be adding foods back into my diet, beginning with the softest foods, and finally building up to more solid food choices. Eventually I will be able to eat pretty much like any normal healthy adult, though in much smaller portions.
I was released on Sunday and returned home feeling relief and excitement as I look towards the future. I will continue to work with the Cedars-Sinai Center for Weight Loss and Bariatric Surgery for medical follow-ups, and take advantage of their programs for continuing education, and nutritional and emotional support groups.
Up until this point, I have told very few people about my decision. This was not out of any sort of shame or embarrassment, but rather to help me stay focused on what I needed to do to be successful and not wanting to have to explain or justify myself to everyone individually. Now that these first steps are behind me, I want everyone to know because in fact, I am proud of the choice that I have made and will rely on the support of those who love and respect me as I move forward on this journey. Obesity is often viewed with prejudice in our society, when for the most part it is a disease. No one wants to be fat, and no one wants the health risks that come with being overweight. If we can look at it, not as a sign of weakness or gluttony in those who suffer from it, but as a medical condition, we can begin to destigmatize it and treat it openly and frankly as a disease, and with all means available.
I thank you all for your continued support, I thank my wife for always standing by my side, and I thank the Holy One for my life and everything in it.