Mawee

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I have lost 120 pounds and I am thrilled..... now I have 30 more to go.  That last 30 is proving to be harder than anything else has been but I will do it.
I am dreaming of plastic surgery now to fix all the drooping skin but I am not complaining. I feel soooooooo much better now. I have energy and I mentally and emotionally feel better!
Go for it!
Glad I did it!

December 27, 2007
60 pounds gone! I can go from sitting to standing much easier now.  I can walk without extreme pain in my feet and ankles.  I can even cross my legs again.  I must admit I'm not really compliant with "THE RULES" that my doctor gave me.  I don't always eat protein first as a matter of fact I'm not getting enough protein.  I'm not exercising at all. I've gone walking with my family a couple of times and it still hurts my knees so bad that I just can't take it.  I had been told a year ago that I need knee replacements in both knees and the walking aggravates pain and stiffness.  That's not really an excuse though because I belong to the YMCA and could go swimming everyday.  The fact is that I am lazy.  I have started to admit to myself.... being lazy is one reason I got so fat.  This is one of those life changing habits I have to make if I expect to get to be and stay a normal size person.  I'm seeing a therapist once a month...I think it should be more often.  I'm not stressing over every pound like I was in the beginning. In the beginning I wanted to weigh every day, sometimes twice a day.  Now I forget to weigh once a week sometimes until my husband asks how much I have lost.  I have a calmness now about the fact that I am and will continue to loose weight.  I am preoccupied with the mental aspect of this journey now.  Such as why am I addicted to food, I crave it like a drug calling for me.  Why am I so lazy, when did I begin to hate physical movement?  Issues like that is what takes up my head space now days.  
Oh well, on with this journey, maybe real life change is possible for me.

I've lost 38 pounds as of today. I have had some issues with throwing up... it is in all cases because of my eating habits.  I eat too much or too fast and then I throw up.  It worries me that I throw up at least 3 times a week.  It proves once again that they operate on your stomach and can't do a thing for your head! In my head I still love the taste and smell of food and I can eat as a way of instant gratification, my body now says NO and I throw up. 
My clothes are starting to get baggy.  Now mind you if I had been wearing clothes that fit they would be too loose by now.  However I was refusing to buy bigger clothes yet I had continued to gain weight until my surgery so my clothes were too tight, way too tight.  Actualy I spent most of my time in pajamas or stretch pants and t-shirts because I couldn't really fit anything.  I look forward to the clothes getting so baggy I have to buy new ones.  
I still don't feel any smaller however I have noticed I don't hate getting up and down as much.  I can more freely move from sitting or resting to standing and walking.  I had started to have problems keeping my rear end clean due to the weight, that problem is long gone. Thank god.  That is when I knew I had to have the surgery or die.  I just knew it in every ounce of my huge body.  I'm still convinced I didn't just choose to have this surgery, I had to have it. I don't regret having the surgery.  I'm so glad I'm on the losing side now.

Wow what a diference this past week has made.  I have recovered physically tremendously in the past week.  I have my energy back. That is if you can call what I have/had at 300 pounds as "energy". I'm down 27 pounds as of today. Feels great to be loosing instead of gaining. I had been gaining for so long that it feels almost impossible to be lossing.  I can eat only a few bites. When I say few I mean few... like 4 bites.  That is an average meal, 4 bites. I have learned I have come out of surgery totally lactose intolerant.  This will be a good thing in the long run because I was/am totally, completely, honestly, really addicted to ice cream.  So much so that I dreaded being able to eat more for fear I would get back on the ice cream and stop loosing weight.  No worry with that now.  I will never be able to eat ice cream again.  I'm sad and happy both at the same time.  As long as the pounds keep melting off I am more happy than sad.  Stay tuned for more pounds lost.

I never expected that much pain. I'm sorry to be brutally honest but this surgery hurts.  I have talked to so many people on here that says "nothing to it". Well color me different. I am still in pain. I'm 12 days post-op and I am still in pain when I walk or stand. It's like having a cramp in your side from running.  I have to lie down to make it go away. 
Write more when I'm in a better state of mind. 

Three days and a wake up until my surgery. I hate this diet I have to be on pre-op. Makes me nervous about my after surgery diet...hope it is easier because this takes will power. I know I have to comply to make my surgery safe but man I want to eat...

I have 9 mornings to wake up until surgery. I am so anxious to get this part over with and get started loosing weight. For as much as I LOVE reading everyones story I want to start the story of my own weight loss. I find myself wanting to eat everything that sounds or looks good. I have a "last supper" mentallity right now.