melisa78

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Woo HOO! I think I am going to make my personal goal of 300lbs before the surgery. I really think I will be able to do it! It makes me feel so good to eat well. I am getting out and eating the right foods and portions but this is usually when I start slowing down....knowing that I have 160LBS to go.....but I will soon have help. Off to work again. Just thought I would drop a line.

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky. In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of
footprints, other times there was one only. This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord, “You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when
I needed you most, have you not been there for me?” The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”
Mary Stevenson © 1984

I have been working alot still. There is a lady that has been sick and I have been taking her hours along with mine so that I can get some money in and help out with paying things off before I go in. John doesn't seem to mind. Our well water pump went out this last month and we charged it. So this will help pay for it along with other things. Just a couple more weeks now. I still have a hard time seeing how I am going to look like. I know that I am going to loose the weight. I know that I am going to feel great. But I am still having a hard time thinking of how I am going to look. I work were lots of ppl come in and out and I look at all the women. Think about the ones I would love to look like. Then look at the ones I would be happy with myself if I looked like that....But I guess I am just going to have to wait and see. That is the best part. This time it is going to go away. This time I am going to be smaller. All with the help of my husband!

Well, Our easter was so much fun. We went and did an easter egg hunt out in the front yard. The boys just loved it. I was so happy to see them running around. We went fishing yesterday for the first time this year. It was a balmy 75 and such a beautiful day for fishing. I put the sunscreen on everyone but myself and now my legs are lobsters. We caught plenty of fish for the first time out. 3 weeks from today is my surgery. I am pretty excited to say the least. I am putting in some hours at work so that I have something to do and keep my mind off of it. It seems to be working. The only bad things is all the junk food temptations at work that I have been pretty good at resisting. But when I get hungry I really have to dig deep to eat right when I am there. Wish me luck!......

Finally another pound has come off. That one was hard to shake off. Time to up the exercise I am thinking. I have one more scheduled day at work to go, not counting tonights shift and then I am done until after the surgery. Sounds pretty close when I say it like that. I am taking The week before the surgery off so that I can get things done around here before I leave. 23 days until I go in!

Well the scale hasn't moved but sometimes that is good as long as it is not going up. I went into my preop appt. the other day. That was a long day. Lots of tests and things. But I passed them all and now the next appt I have is the surgery. SO COOL! Well, that is all for today. Off to get some more protein in for the day. LOL

We are getting out of the house alot more since the weather is warmer. Today I am thinking we are going to do some yard work. I am wanting to get it so that our grass is so green and inviting when you come up to the farm yard. I am Also going to have a garden this year. Well, I have one every year. But this one is going to be different. This one I am going to go out there and maintain. My husband usually does that. I am hoping that I will be healthy enough that by the time that it needs to be planted and cared for I will be feeling great and wanting to care for it. I have been loosing on my own. Walking a half mile, just being outside, and eating good. I am hoping to get down to at least 300lbs before the surgery. I dont think that it will be TOO hard. I just want to prove to myself that I can do it. Also it brings me to another level of weight loss after surgery. I will have the total of 26 lbs off and will not have that to be considered into my weight loss from surgery. I am having alot of thoughts of how things are though. My mom and dad come out to visit us as often as they can. When my mom comes out she always has a spread of food out. BTW.....she is a skinny minny and loves her evening walks. I was actually thinking of how much I am going to miss grazing on that food. I never thougth I would "miss" food. But here is to new traditions. Instead of enjoying the food with her. I can enjoy her evening walk with her which I always use pass up. It is hitting me that this surgery is going to change the lives of alot of the ppl around me. My husband and I are changing what we buy in the stores already. He is starting to jog. He is feeling good about HIMSELF and has so much more energy since eating right and excersising. I am doing the same. In fact it has made me see food in a whole new sense. Instead of seeing what is going to make me "full". I see what is going to be healthy and fullness is just a bonus...ha ha ha ha Well, this next week on monday is my pre-op. It is almost as exciting to be going to as the surgery. It means I am that much closer to being the person I feel like inside. WOW! And btw I wouldn't be here today, feeling so confident about myself, if it weren't for the wonderful support system I have. My husband John is my soulmate. He is such a wonderful man. Now I know that alot of you hear this about husbands and think uhh huhhh. But it is true. He cares for my kids on the bad days. He cleans my house when my back hurts too much. (His lower back is fused) He washes the clothes cause I don't like basements. AND he does the things outside the house all the time. The best part .....he doesn't complain. Cause he knows that I appreciate it and that I will care for him when I am better. My mom and dad are also my strength. I love them so much. Sometimes I think I call them too much but it is hard not too. I miss being around them (they are in california)but I know that we are all where we need to be at this time in our lives. My dad is an awesome man. He tought me to believe in myself and that I can do it. Whatever IT is. I have been so many places because of where he has brought us throughout the years. The greatest thing in my life now with him, is to see him teaching my boys the same things he has tought me. Seeing them learning from the same man I was tought from. My mom is more than a mom. She is my best friend. She brings me to the reality of situations sometimes. I LOVE THAT! She takes care of me and is always there when I need some help. She flew here to go to the informational seasion with me and John. I thought that was awesome. I know.....she wanted to see the kids too! ha ha ha She loves being a grandma. I love watching her with my boys and seeing them make her smile. I can't wait to see her again. The only thing I hate about her coming. Is I have to be the one to watch her go home too. And nomatter how many times she visits there is never a dry eye when she leaves.........I LOVE YOU MOM!

Well, 11 days until my pre-op appt. I am trying hard to do the diet. Sometimes some of the old habits come to bite me in the butt. I didn't eat much yesterday. Protein shake for breakfast. soup and sandwich for lunch, and for supper..........PIZZA. But in my defense I walked a half mile and did ALOT of yard work. I was so hungry. I know that I should of ate something better for me. But it sure did hit the spot! I weighed in this morning and we are still doing good. I think that my medicine is REALLY helping me out. My arms are sore from using the leaf blower yesterday to clean the yards leaves and corn stocks from the fields. The grass is starting to turn green. Makes you have some spring fever. Here it doesn't stop being cold for another couple of weeks. I was counting down the days on my dry erase board on my fridge. But time was going too slow so I erased it. Now I just keep track of my weight on there. Thought the fridge was a good spot for it. That way when I go to open the door.....there is my weight. It has worked as far as a daily reminder I am on a diet and that something is happening. I watch the shows and see the before and after pictures. I am still in a daze I think. I know that I am getting the surgery. But I have a hard time believing that I am going to be healthy soon. And when it does hit me I cry...what a baby! I guess this journey is a real rollercoaster of emotions. I just can't wait to be a little closer. Tomorrow would be nice. he he he ;)

I started the treadmill yesterday. I am still eating well and excercising. It is taking alot to loose this weight but definatley worth it. I always get such a big smile and greaten my self esteam everytime the scale goes down. The weather is nicer now. So I went outside awhile and cleaned the garage with my husband. That is a workout in itself! I really feel good about myself. Alot more energy. I started taking my pcos pills again yesterday. They run so expensive but I just recently got insurance and it is so cheap to get them now. This should help me loose weight. It should actually. It has a water pill and a diabetic pill in the mix so ....anyway I am really loving this already. I can't wait to see the scale move more.

Just watching what I eat real close. Eating my proteins and making sure I don't eat bad food and the weight it coming off. I am wanting to get to 300lbs or under before surgery. This will show me that I am willing to do the change.

I went into my dr's appt today. They approved me for surgery! AND gave me a surgery date. I WAS IN TEARS! This is going so fast. My surgery date is for May 8th. That is around 6 weeks? OMgosh that is so close! Okay here is how it went. We were in the waiting room. I was a little...OKAY...REALLY nervous. SO my dh leaned on me while we pretended to watch tv. I could not imagine what was about to happen. What were they going to do. So my name was called. I had the normal weight, blood pressure, temp taken. Then my picture was taken from different views. They sent me to another room so that there I could have physical exam done. Belly exam, breathing , heart rate, and talk about the surgery and expected weight loss. That nurse left and soon Judy came in to tell me more about what to expect and what is going to happen during surgery. The dr. came in went over what my chart looked like and told me that I am that type of person that this surgery was made for. .....That this surgery is going to work great for me. He mentioned that a couple of times. And told me how he was going to do the surgery and about the laprascopic route he was going to take. And that his nurse will set the appt up with me. SHOCK....I DIDNT THINK IT WAS GOING TO BE TODAY! She came in. I was in tears. She thought he was mean to me...LOL I kept thinking "GET it together Melisa!!!" After only about 20 seconds of crying I started talking to her about the dates available and when was the soonest. After that my dh and I walked out of there arm in arm....on cloud nine I might add. Hugging tight in the elevator and hoping I didnt scream in excitement. oh what the hell! WOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO