Six months....or is that six and a half?

Oct 18, 2009

Okay, it's been a while.  Wow...I am now in a size 14 jean from Old Navy, I cut my hair super short, mainly because I'm too darn bald on top...this way I can scrunch it up. I'm starting to wear makeup, and even jewelry.  I'm feeling confident. 
The skin issue....yeah....no....it's not so great.  My panni is getting smaller, and I am feeling like I might not have too much trouble with that, but it's my midriff, above my bellybutton area that has the hanging skin.  This I don't like.  When I look in the mirror naked, I am NOT happy with what I see. 
But I have a neck now, a real neck!  And I took a bath yesterday.  It has been years since I dared to get myself in and out of a bathtub.  And I no longer go for pedicures- I can do it myself!  And I LIKE doing it myself!
I have been making 'milkshakes' with protein powder and sf flavored syrups...that has kept me from craving sweets.  I still am not eating as much as I should- there is not enough time in the day to get that much in.  And my liquids...well, lets just say that I need to work on that, too. 
But...when I am feeling stress, I still want to eat.  I bought a box of Chicken in a biscuit crackers and some cheese in a can, which was massive comfort food pre surgery.  I ate about 10 crackers with cheese.  They tasted like crap, and I had the most explosive diarrhea all night!  I'm talking colonoscopy prep level of shite.  
I think wanting to eat when overwhelmed is going to be a lifelong craving for me.
But it's surprising how much I really want 'good' food.  I bought some pears, and am taking one to work tomorrow for a snack, with a nice piece of cheddar cheese....yum!
Dating....hmm.  I just don't know.  Maybe I'm not pretty enough, maybe I'm still 'too big'...somehow the men I am attracted to just aren't attracted to me.  and vice versa.  I want a partner, mate, whatever it's called- not just a man in the house, but a partner- someone to be partners WITH.  A best friend, a sexy beast, a confidante...and if I don't find him, oh well.  I at least have placed a much higher value on ME than before.  I like my own company.  I like having control of the remote.  I am enough.
But a sexy beast would be nice to have around....

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