mevoila86

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It's been a few weeks since I took the time to sit down and chronicle my thoughts. They've been busy, hectic and enlightening. I struggled through Thanksgiving even though I sat home with a cold. We had a potluck at work which I had to put together. I also baked one of my signature cakes and had a slice in the house... During the 5 days I had off, I ate 2 slices, a roll and some ice cream. I was HORRIFIED! But it occurred to me that I was bored and boredom snacking had come back. The only way that I could be bored was if my energy had returned for me to do other things! That was in fact the case and last weekend, I found myself in NYC, having lunch with friends and Xmas shopping. 

I've been clear and awake the past 2 weeks. I am able to get up for work on time. I don't feel groggy during the day. I think I have recovered from the surgery and its been fab. Yesterday, I put together the office End of Year celebration. Everyone requested Italian food. I was able to stay away from the carbs and completely avoided the carefully curated Dessert Bar that I put together. I call that a success!

The last bit of news is that I set a goal in my mind to lose 50 lbs by Christmas. I quickly realized that I wanted lose that amount by the time I see my Mom. I haven't seen her since June (at my worst). I haven't been back to Michigan since April. I'm dying to hear my family's reaction. I really want her to be proud of me. Due to all the chaos of the week and barely eating since Monday, I can proudly say that as of this morning, I have hit that 50lbs lost! It's an exhilarating feeling. I FINALLY feel like I'm on my way and I can do this. 

What can I say... I'm a happy girl!

Yesterday, I faced my first real slip up. I ate a roll and a slice of cake. I didn't have anything else for the rest of the day since I was exhausted. So, I'm pretty sure I stayed under calories but certain that I threw myself out of ketosis. I don't even want to look at the scale until I have a few days of on-plan eating under my belt again. 

Today I am contemplating whether I want to go to work. I left early yesterday feeling exhausted and like I was coming down with something. So, I took some Nyquil and was in bed before 6pm. The nyquil did not fix my symptoms so I'm wondering if this is also dehydration.

Truth be told, I have been exactly on-plan. I've been skipping vitamins, missing protein and not getting enough water. It's just tough with my work schedule and everything going on. I worked straight through the weekend, went clubbing on Saturday night and drove back home on Sunday. I think I hit a wall. Add all that to the fact that my finances are way out of wack and I had to report my colleagues for the shenanigans over the weekend. I'm stressed and tired and looking forward to a couple days of sleep and solitude. I thought I could make it to Thursday, but clearly I hit my limit yesterday. 

I'm not kicking myself for the carbs. I was in a bad place yesterday. Emotions raw and I didn't know how to handle them. I think I was hoping the bread would make me sick and teach me to behave. But it didn't so I have to do this on my own. And I know that I can since I've spent the last 2 months doing it.

I'm going to be ok.

This week has been pretty positive. I'm writing today because this weekend will be a little crazy. I'm planning my first work trip in a very long time and I really need to plan ahead. I'm fresh out of Premier Protein and Tuna Fish which I've kinda been living on for the week. So, I gotta go pick that up. Plus I need nice work pants. Must get those as well tonight.

I am excited about a loss of 4.6 lbs this week. My last post was that I was certain any weight that I had loss at 299.8 would creep back up because that's my luck. I am pleased to say that it has not. I am rather concerned to say that I've pretty much lost my appetite and I've reverted back to protein shakes to make sure that I'm getting in adequate protein. Once a day, I will get some tuna or a sausage in me, but that's about it. I wonder if its the hustle and bustle of being at work, and not wanting to take an hour to consume 20 grams of protein because on the weekends, I eat fine and I actually crave food. Weekdays... not so much.

I did go to the gym once this week. I wanted to get back, but surprise! I'm still lazy! Or tired. Or something. I will get better. I downloaded an app that I like to track my progress. So I know that I will make this work. I'm still a work in progress.

That's all I have to report. Til next time.

So, I know that its probably temporary. I know that tomorrow I will probably be back up around 302. But I have been waiting so long to not see a 3 at the beginning of the scale, I can't help but celebrate!

This past week was not what it was supposed to be. I truly injured myself at the gym and spent the whole week recuperating. I know that I'm not ready to go back to the class because I don't see a lot of benefit of going to the gym once a week. I did keep my diet in check. I've stayed in Ketosis. And with my cycle coming to an end, the weight is slowly coming off again.

I admit that I thought I'd be the girl who drops weight very fast. My goal is to be 280 by the time I see my family at Christmas, but I know now that its something to strive for, not something to rely on. Today is a happy day. Now if I could just motivate myself to do my laundry...

Yesterday, (the 9th) was my one month surgiversary. I spent most of it on the couch because on Saturday I decided to be superwoman and jump back into the gym with vigor! I went and did a weights class which has left me with muscle pain from my biceps to my calves. Did I overdo it? Oh yeah. But it felt really good to get back in there. I need to take my measurements and some progress shots. But I guess I will get to that sometime this week. Today the plan is to do the elliptical so that my muscles can start to recover. I will stay away from the weights until next Saturday. I fairly certain I'm going to hurt until then. 

I don't have much. So that'll do it. -Kat

Today was my one month post op visit. Everything is going fine. My incisions are healing well. I have no pain. No heartburn. I did not get under the 300lb mark like I was hoping, but I'm about 6lbs away. It so close I can taste it! Doc said I should exercise until I sweat. I want to, but my energy levels aren't quite there yet.

When I think about where I was a month ago: Scared. Unsure. Misunderstood. I feel like I've come a long way in a very short time frame. As I moved from clean liquids to full liquids, pureed food and now soft foods, every step felt like an eternity. In reality, they were just short weeks on a long journey. I've barely lost any weight in the last 3 weeks, but I'm impressed that my usual habits haven't reared their ugly head. I'm a different person now. A little older. A bit more sure of herself. Somewhat wiser. Extremely patient. And very grateful.

I'm grateful to my doctor. Grateful to the naked mole-rat. And grateful to these boards for listening to this scare, unsure and misunderstood girl. I don't think I would have the sense of peace that I do now if I didn't have the support of this website to let me know that every crazy craving, itch, nap, burp, stall or bump in the road is not only normal but expected. 

I've got 2 months before I see my doc again. I really want to rock the socks off of these 8 weeks. Let's see what I can do!

Somehow I've forgotten if Thursday or Friday is my official weigh-in day. It doesn't matter because I haven't lost a pound in 2 weeks. Someone early on told me that they went on a 3 week stall shortly after surgery and if that happened to me I literally thought I would throw myself out of my window. Don't be too alarmed, I live on the first floor and my window is a sliding door, that would be open... Tangent. Anyhoo, I looks like I'm heading into Week 3 of no weight loss since my monthly lady friend should be starting any second now. 

I'd like to say that I'm not frustrated, but I am. I sticking to my calories. I'm walking and getting in a respectable distance everyday. I'm drinking my water. I dabbled in some carbs and gave them up. I mean, I'm really trying to not screw this up. I have been a little backed up and I almost took a laxative, but I experienced my first episode of dumping syndrome yesterday. I have to say... it was pretty awesome for a couple reasons. One: I was relieved to have to go. Two: I have no idea why it happened. I'd been eating Greek Yogurt with Vanilla and Truvia for several days. I can't understand why that would trigger it.

On a positive note, I've been relatively calm since I've been back to work. Makes me wonder why I was freaking out in the first place. I went to a counselor and she gave me some exercises to do. Not sure that I like her.

Well that's all I got. -Kat

The last 2 days have really thrown me for a loop. I got up yesterday morning, got dressed, admired my slimmer figure in my favorite wrap dress and headed out the door - almost late for a meeting. The only hiccup was my "episodes" of complete vision loss started when I got in the shower... and continued as I got into the car... I'm an idiot. I thought they'd stop when I got on the road. They didn't. So I ended up parking my car on the side of road a mile from home, crying and completely freaked out that I was going blind. I called an Uber and went straight to the ER.

So after a trip to the hospital, the ophthalmologist (my eyes are fine btw,) a trip back to the hospital, then the neurologist this morning and a failed MRI this afternoon (you can't have those after VSG), I have a diagnosis of Ocular Migraines brought on my stress and anxiety. I didn't even know such insanity existed! If they continue, I will have to go on medication (anti-depressants). But for right now, I've been told to CALM THE EF DOWN.

Alas, I'm taking it easy again this weekend. I just set up a delivery for groceries since (Surprise!) I never bought food for Week 3. I've been supplementing my protein shakes with the cream of wheat and canned soup I had left in my cupboards. I plan to do the same for some personal items and my laundry. I'm praying I never have an ocular migraine ever in my life, but eating and exercising helps so I will do that.

Lastly, I lost less than a pound this week. Actually I gained about 2 and then I lost that plus .6. I don't think the shenanigans of the week helped, but I'm oddly not bothered that its so small. I did struggle to get in all my protein and water. I know that I need to do better, so at this point, I'm excited and proud about my .6. 

Later. -Kat

After 2 weeks, I finally head back to work tomorrow. I'm ready since I've been so bored and mopey here at home. I feel good, but yesterday threw me for a loop. I was having more episodes of "visual disturbances" which lead me to schedule an appointment with my PCP. After talking about my stress levels she said it may be ocular migraines, but I need to get to an ophthalmologist to make sure there's nothing wrong with my eyes. By the time I left her, I felt more calm and I could see better again. I really do think that it's anxiety.  I think my body is a little pissed I'm not eating to calm it down. Doc offered me Xanax, but I don't want to trade in one crutch for another. I bit the bullet and set up an appointment with a counselor on Monday. I'm going to beat this the right way.

When I got home from the PCP, I thought I was going to drop my stuff off and head back to the grocery store for some Week 3 food. But I live in the Northeast and the wind right now nearly blew the door off my Jeep and promptly turned my umbrella inside out. Yeah... no... I went inside and stayed there. So no scrambled eggs for me tomorrow. Since I am going to work and don't want to be sick from rejecting new food, I'm going to start the day with Protein shakes and have cream of wheat for dinner. That way I can heave in peace.

As I've been awake for the past 3 hours, I took the time to order some fitness dvds. I bought Les Mills Combat from ebay, a Yoga for Stress Relief, and some Ballet Beautiful dvds from Amazon. I've done Les Mills classes at the gym before and really liked them. My legs were strongest when I took dance in high school. So, I'm excited about my purchases. I am released to exercise as of next Thursday. With the weather right now, I'm not doing a lot of walking so I think this should be a good plan for the upcoming polar vortex.

Since today marks the end of my second week, I did weigh myself and saw the scale inch down a bit. Funny thing is, I don't trust it. I'll give it a couple days and see if it stays down.

Well, let's try this sleep thing again. Until next time...

So... the stall continues. Today was a bit emotional as I asked my brother and cousin to head back home. I'm finding that without food as a crutch, my body is trying to find other outlets for my many emotions. I've been experiencing what I can only assume is an anxiety attack. Periodically when I start to worry about something, I start to get flashing lights in one of my eyes. It stays until I calm down... When it first happened, it scared the bajeezus out of me until I realized what it was. I turned to my brother and said I really need my space back if I'm going to be okay enough to go back to work in a couple days. He said ok. They left this morning.

Since I'm not dropping an ounce of weight, I thought I should count my blessings. With this new tool, I have:

1. Not gained any weight. Which would never happen in my old life, right? You'd stall and then gain 2-3 lbs and have to work to take it off. I just wake up the same weight every morning.
2. I'm haven't had any coffee in over 2 weeks. Guess I can count that addiction as broken.
3. No sugar for 2 weeks. NEVER thought I would be able to do something like that. I'm impressed that I feel so normal.

In the past, I have been able to kick a habit like caffeine or dairy after doing something like a detox or a Juice Fast. But this process does it for me. No gimmicks, no games, no copious amounts of produce to buy and clean. I'm grateful for it's simplicity and the positive affect it's had on my life.

Tomorrow is support group. Thursday, I go back to work and I get to add in Greek Yogurt and eggs to my diet. I'm excited about it all. Today was necessary.