GOOAAALLLLL!!!!!!

Feb 22, 2009

Hi Everyone,

Well as of this morning’s weigh in I am sitting at  153.4bs = 11 stone = 69.6 Kilos. Size 12/10 in US sizes, (closer to a 10) that is very exciting.

....  I may lose more weight but right now seem to be in the maintaining phase. My stomach has expanded nicely, which is good, I don't think I was eating quite enough before.  I am learning to accept myself and my body at this size, it's still weird but I am proud of myself up to a point.  For some reason I don't feel liberated as I thought I would, the "parasitic" twins I always talk about are  finally gone and lying at the door step of you know who(s).  It's liberating in one way but very uncomfortable in another.  I am so used to lugging these 2 people around and being emotionally abused by them, that not having that crutch is odd.  It forces me to be accountable for my own emotional make up and stop blaming them for my emotional well being, feels very raw because I can no longer pacify myself with food or stuffing my emotions.   It's rather interesting to be described as skinny!  Very odd...but over time I am getting used to it, the brain is catching up, now if only my clothes would fit properly!!

Some of my friends have noticed that I have been a bit more volatile and vacillate more often since my surgery.  I have noticed it too and it disturbs me, I accept it as being completely normal since I don't have my crutch. I have to face my emotions head on and sometimes it's very painful, but it's great to get the feelings out..... I will send pics in a few days; I am not in the mood right now. 

 This goal is a bitter sweet moment.  As some of you know, my lovely, special Pixie died, and then my new dog at the time Willow (1) died 30hrs after I got her.  They were both poisoned.  The animal control found pellets in my garden which was loaded and mixed with Xylitol.. They didn't stand a chance.  I still miss Pix like crazy she was a wonderful companion and friend with the sweetest disposition that I met in a pug.  The police haven't got back to me yet.....  I now have an adorable new dog Willow (2)  love that name ½ German shepherd and God knows what else.  She is very shy, scared of everything and there is a good balance between her and crazy loveable Shogi…. (Soft g)

Willow

3:00am and I can't sleep for the life of me!  More changes, of course lots more energy, I am now walking about 1/2 to a mile a day with the dogs.  It's lovely to be out in the fresh air under our beautiful blue skies and stars at night.  I can see Venus clearly every night from my living room, and when out the Milky Way and I think Orion.  It's nice and peaceful and surprisingly silent.  I also continue to swim, and go on little excursions.  It's good for the soul and uplifts my spirits when I am feeling down.

Well it’s a beautiful Sunday morning with not a cloud in the sky, I feel more peaceful. All is calm and yes bright.   Just went for a lovely long walks with my two companions, the funniest was meeting the neighbours’ horse… She bent down really low and tried to nibble Shogi, it was actually very sweet. 

Well I don’t have anything very interesting to say at all so I will end here, and send pics another time…

Love,.

Mia

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