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OMG, I was totally shocked and excited today when I tried on clothes that were given to me, size 16 and they fit.....ok, they were tight, but hey, they snapped and zipped, so I was happy. I am at a weight that is only about 8 pounds heavier than I was when I was in the delivery room 18 years ago! This in itself is a major news flash!
My journey has been a great one - at times discouraging with the stalls ( of course, I am a slower loser as well). From what I figured, I have lost about 62% of my excess weight at this point. I am grateful for this, but to be honest, had expected to be in the 80% or higher. I just keep on keepin on and things will go as God will's it to be. I am healthier and happier than I have been in what seems like a lifetime. I have not had to take tylenol or sinus medication in the past year, and my allergies are almost non-existent. My blood pressure is normal, my legs feel better and I have ribs, and collar bones!  and everything!. I am stuck with a massive amount of loose skin around my tummy, and the butt and thighs are bad, but in the grand scheme of things, I will take this over have to special order clothes and not fit into a chair at school during conferences. I will continue to take one day at a time and in the end, I will be so much better because of this journey.

And my life has changed in so many wonderful ways.
My son is going to be a senior in high school this year, I have been at my job now since March...and I am wearing clothing sizes that I wore 25 years ago! This journey has been such a joy...full of unexpected joys.
Buying clothes at discount stores, only to find that by the time I want to wear them, they are already too large. Walking up sand dunes, without stopping every few feet, gasping for breath, and having to pant for a half hour after getting to the top.
Of walking the beaches for hours and seeing a video my husband took, of me from the back...AND i HAVE A NORMAL (or as much as normal) BUTT! That was the WOW moment for me. I have not taken photos of myself from the back...and really did not realize the difference. It is amazing what changes you will all go thru.
My life has been blessed with so much inspiration here at OH, and I can only hope to pass on the knowledge to others that was given to me.

Wednesday, I had my one year appointment with Dr. Foote. I was expecting to hear something along the lines of "you haven't lost enough weight since the last visit" instead I was told that I had doubled my weight loss in the last 3 month span! . I was so excited to hear that. I am about 54 pounds away from the goal I have set for myself (Dr. Foote doesn't set goals for us, just wants us to be happy and healthy). 

In one year, so much has changed. I no longer want to sit by and watch life pass me. I want to participate in it...to treasure each minute. This is hard since my husband is now me last year before surgery. I want to live spontaneously, spur of the moment, and he is planning and planning...I want to run, he wants to walk, this is going to be a tough road ahead. 

He has also told me that I am vain - that I enjoy having my photo taken, and for what reason! I have them taken to remember where I started in this process, so I never go back there again. I am being selfish, I need to be, for me. I hope he can understand that eventually. If not, oh well, it is his problem to deal with.
I am my number one priority, until I can become confident in the choices I make, and the place I am in , it has to be that way.
I am feeling so much better, still not getting more than 5 hours of sleep a night, still stressed with  my son being deployed and in danger, but I am strong, and I am working hard at being a better image of myself and healthier self.

ONE YEAR POST OP, JUNE 20, 2008

DAY BEFORE SURGERY, JUNE 19, 2007 333 POUNDS

10-1/2 months out and now in a size 20 pants from a verrrryyyy tight 32! 
I am truly a testament to the fact that while the pounds are not falling off, the inches are. I have gone from a 54G bra to a 38C and boy did I need that! 
Started a new job in March, and although my working hours are fantastic, 9-1pm, I find it hard to eat and drink like I should. Drinking my water is way easier than eating, but I am working on it. I still find that there are days that I really have to work on getting everything in by the end of the day. 
My calories should be around 1200 per day, but often I am lucky if I reach 1000. I know that this the reason for my slow loss, but I simply cannot put another bite into my mouth for some reason. Next month is my 1 year surgiversary and I am excited and dreading it. I have 115 pounds, way less than I anticipated I would have lost, but I have enormous amounts of sagging tissue despite the exerercise. I admit, I need to do more in that department. 
My son deployed in January, and my stress levels are high. This in addition to helping care for my ailing mom, have made it so I am super busy most days. That and the fact that since losing the weight, I find that I am out there "having a life" more than I have done in a very long time. 
My habits have changed so much since the surgery. Before, I was an all occassion eater - when I was sad, lonely, tired, stressed, happy, you name it, I ate! Now, I find it impossible to eat - it literally makes  me ill. What a change to have happen. I think I will talk to Dr. Glass when I go in  as well, and get some tips on handling this stress without the need for medications. 
My top half has lost faster than the bottom half, so I am wearing a Large for the first time in forever it seems. Still have issues with massive bat wings, and my hubby is trying to get me to utilize the free weights more to help - personally, I don't think there is much help beyond surgery, but I will keep trying. 
Looking back at those before pictures, I want to cry - why did I ever let myself get like that in the first place????? There was so much that allowed that to happen and until I looked at it from a distance, I did not see it. Going thru a divorce, job loss, and medications placed that burden on me. Never again will I allow outside things to affect the way I take care of myself. I won't deny myself anything - just do things in moderation - a normal thing to do and easy for anyone a normal weight. I started to jog up and down my street, but find I scare the dogs, and small children when I do that - the fat flapping around and making obscene noises really is bad! I need to find a girdle that works, or extremely tight spandex to hold it in while I bounce around. 
OH has been a lifesaver for me during my newbie stage, and it remains a daily part of my life. Those who have traveled this road on this amazing journey before me, guide me with their wisdom, their lessons learned and keep me pointed on the right track. I can only hope to help in some small way, someone coming up behind me in their journeys. 

I have hit the milestone of 7 months out from surgery - down 93# as of today.
I have been having issues getting my calories up. My protein level is great, fluids great, vitamins great....calories...need lotsa work.
This week, I have just not felt like eating and only been getting 500 - 700 calories. The past couple days, at 1100 calories and the weight is starting to come off again. 
Need to measure tomorrow and hold myself accountable. 
My ass end has shifted and I now have this grotesquely shaped growth on my outer thighs - what the hell is that? I have been trying to find some type of support garment to hold it all it, but alot of them press on my tummy too much right now, and it feels like bruised ribs. 
Still have too much time on my hands, and no job. Researching college classes and financial aid. Been a long time since I have been to school.
I need to get more creative with menus as I am getting bored with the same ole same ole. 

December brought me back to MMPC for my 6 month followup, and all is well. Weight loss is at 84# and inches are melting. Labs are all good. 
I am alittle upset that the weight is not coming off faster, but my NUT says I need to get me calories up and that is the hardest part for me. 
They even suggested that I eat more full fat cheeses, peanut butter etc..to get those calories up there. Protein good, fluids in good, vitamins good. 
The only thing that is lacking is the calories. 
I do not want 84# to be it for me. I will after this week up the exercise and get moving more to shake my body into a new pattern. 
We lost my husbands uncle this week - he has been in a nursing home for over 8 years now.  
I won't give up, I cannot give up! I did not go thru all of this, to only come this far.

I made it to 80# lost! I am almost halfway to goal and excited. Funny thing is - I am still having a hard time trying to get in all my calories. Protein - check, fluids - check, vitamins - check, other meds - check....calories...about 200-400 too low consistently. 
Eat, eat, eat as I may, it never seems to get up there. I keep plugging away though. 
Time is approaching that my son will be leaving for training for the sandbox. The Christmas spirit has not found me much this year - I cannot quite get it in my heart. I have the tree up, my camo santa, my Red, White and Blue Santa and Mrs. Claus etc... but still find it hard. I want to make this holiday the best and to cherish each and every moment we have  home ( don't know what his new wife thinks about my plan - but I'm the momma lol)
Stress eating was never an issue before my RNY, but now I am finding it really hard to remember to eat. I am just not hungry. Time to get back on track and set my timers again and follow the clock more. 

I am just so frustrated! I gained weight - YES, I said gained weight over Thanksgiving - watching what I ate - making SF pumpkin pie, etc.. I ate some olives with dinner and think I retained all the water I drank
Today, I am down 79# since June. It is not anywhere near where I wanted to be at this point, but the clothes are still getting smaller. I have not been good about measuring the past month or so - so who knows how much beyond the over 5 feet of body I have had melted away. 
I have friends that say I have lost weight since they last saw me - so that is encouraging- but I still look in the mirror and see the fat woman there staring back at me. Talk about body image distortion. I am working on that, and may seek a counselors help with this. 
I am cold all the time, and want to turn the damned thermostat up to 80 - but the budget won't allow for that - so I live in sweatpants, bundled up in sweatshirts, sweaters, and warm socks..I think I should bring out an electric blanket into the living room just to keep warm. I have weatherproofed my house beyond normal this year and still cannot get warm. 
Despite the setbacks, I still would not change a thing about this journey. 
I can honestly say that the hardest thing I deal with in a day is trying to get in the 1000 calories that the NUT suggested I get. It is a full time job, and often times I fall short of that goal - but I keep trying. The help from all of my OH family here has helped me survive the many questions I have asked myself since thinking about this surgery.