missnsis

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Of all of the posts that I've read on this site theres one that rings soooo true.  IT GETS BETTER!  I remember right after surgery and the 3 days that  followed it.....it was "uncomfortable", "unpleasant", and sometime the gas almost seemed "unbearable".  I even recall asking myself why did I do this?  Well today is 7 days post op and I gotta say...I don't feel too shabby.  I started my walking again ...started with just a mile and a half today but I know I'll be able to get it increased pretty quickly.  I cleaned house, went shopping, made a big meal for the fam and even went out for a while afterward.  Now I can happily say I have no regrets.  Down 20lbs between pre-op diet and post-op week so I surely can't complain about that.  The biggest hurdle I see in front of me so far is the food.  Right now my caloric intake is way too low but as soon as I leave the clear liquid week...I asssume it will get better.  I'm trying very hard to distingush between mental hunger and physical hunger.  Oooooh and I really have to figure this whole "stop eating before you get full" thing.  Its just unimaginable how I could almost eat an entire pizza before and now If I have 4 oz of protein shake...I'm good to go.  I need to listen to my bodys signs.  It's for sure going to be a learning experience for me but I do believe that I'm worth it. 

Hmmm...ok so yea I'm hungry.  yea yea ok so i'm weak lol.  truth be known tho is that i followed day one to a "T".  2 protein shakes and a salad with protein and lo fat dressing.  it was a lil bit of a challenge coming home and not eating anything.  I made my daughter a few chix patties (that smelled really gooooood grrr) and then off to bed i went.  2 interesting things noteworthy about last night: 1.....yep i felt an emptiness, like a big hole in my somach which caused me 2 have a heck of a time falling asleep and 2...i felt my stomach during the night and i know this sounds crazy but it was smaller and tighter.  i kept feeling it thinking...'your such a dork...you haven't even been on the diet for 24 hours yet!',,,,'it's all in your head!'.  but its true....it felt different. smaller.   And that made me smile.  alot.  and it also made me think...'day 2 here i come...i can do this'. 

2 weeks from today I will be having weight loss surgery.  today i start my pre-op diet.  i weighed in at 270. head up...shoulders back.....i can do this.  i can do this...this is what i've wanted my whole life.  every falling star, every coin thrown in a fountain.....ever since the taunting began by my brothers and grade school classmates.  my moment has come...my wish has come true.  i can't believe its happening.  or is it?  i keep waiting for someone to say HA GOTCHA! or PSYCH!!!  if not that, then what will it be that  will have it all fall apart right in front of me?  the loan company made a mistake?.....the surgeon strained his hand playing golf?.....or i come down with something unknown to modern medicine & they won't let me board the plane because of the foot growing outside of my neck!!!!!!!  every thought of every moment of every minute in me is consumed by feb 28th 2012...my surgery date.  snap....back to todays reality....work (grrrrr).  10am....off to drink my protein shake....& then off to work.  Dear God....please give me strength.....please don't let me fall to pieces when my bood sugar drops out due to not eating when i want, what i want and however much i want!!!!!!  lol.  In Jesus name...Amen