mjhbear7
Hello... thank you for visiting my page. My name is Maris, I am 29 years old and live in Brecksville Ohio. I am Married to a wonderful man. We have 3 furry babies Bosco, Cooper, and Grace. I have been heavy ever since I can remembr...although, there were times when I lost alot of weight... only to put it right back plus. I have lost hundreds of pounds over the years and been on every single diet known. My parents are both heavy and my father suffers from type II diabetes and had a triple bypass in his mid 40's. pretty scary for me. I am an only child and very close with my parents. When I told them of my choice to have WLS they tolde me "do it... we wish we would have years ago" feels good to have them on my side. My hubby on the other hand took a little more work but... he is getting there. Just the other day he told me he would help me get though this and that is what I have been waiting to hear. He is scared and that is understandable. His main worry is that they have not been doing this surgery look enough to know what the long term effects are. I have told him that the long term effects of this weight on me are far more serious. I really do hear what he is saying but... I know this is the right thing to do. Ok I think I have rambled on long enough for now. thanks for reading.
01-23-06 Today I went for my first evaluation with Latonya at St Vincent Charity here in Cleveland. It went pretty good. I was told at the seminar that Medical Mutual requires a 5 year weight history, plus all diets, pictures and anything else I could drag out of my history of the yo yo diet world. So I was working hard to get it all put together I even had my pharmacy fax me copies of all my meds. Than, I get to the apt. she tells me that now they only require a one year history of me being on a medically supervised diet. OH boy. My endocronoligist (sp?) has put me on diets through the years and I pray that he has made some sort of notes. So just incase I made sure to have my famuily doctor start me on a supervised diet today! I am just trying to cross all my t's. So now I wait for the doctors office to call me back once again. I called them about a month ago and requested all my med records.... she told me it would be 20.00 or so and i mailed the check. Still nothing. I have left here 2 messages and nothing. She will learn that I am not going away anytime soon and she best just take five minutes to get me MY Records! ha ha ha i can see that all of this is going to drive me insane.
01-24-06
one more day with no answers. I was told yesterday that I need to have a sleep study done so I called to make my apt. The first time I called the office hung up on me... I think it was an accident, lets hope so. I called back again and of course I get the press one, two, three, game. I have now left 2 messages one 1-23-06 and one 1-24-06. All i want is to make an appointment. Than I called the Doctors office again in ragards to my medical records I have been waiting a month for and yep you guessed it .... voicemail. I thought to myself maybe when I get home they will be in the mail box. think again. nothing! From what I have read on many of these pages this is the way the game works and many people go through this for a year or more.... God Bless them. I think I might go postal if it takes that long. Please Lord grant me with some patients here. It does help to vent... ahh I feel much better.
01-25-06 So today I decided to send a letter to my doctor and thought I would paste a copy on my page. It pretty much says it all. Dr. madhun is my endocrinologist. He is a wonderful Dr. and has helped with my struggles with PCOS. I would highly recomend him to anyone in the cleveland area looking for an endocrinologist.
Dear Dr. Madhun, 1-25-06
I thought I would drop you a letter to bring you up to date on my decision to have weight loss surgery. I would also like to ask for your support and help gathering all necessary medical information for my insurance pre approval for surgery.
As you know I struggle with my weight and have for sometime. I have been on diets since the age of 10 when my gym teacher pulled me aside and put me on the Richard Simmons diet. (That was embarrassing) I had to go to the teachers lounge everyday after lunch to weigh in when my friends were at recess. That was the first diet I can recall being on. Since then, I have done it all Weight Watchers several times, Physicians Weight Loss several times, Atkins Diet, South Beach Diet, Low fat, Low carb, Low cal, Low Cholesterol, The cabbage Soup diet, Liquid diets, acupuncture, every kind of over the counter diet drug they sell, and prescription drugs including, Redux, Merida, and Xenical. I could go on and on but I am sure you get the point. I have been successful at loosing weight in the past and at one point lost 70 pounds only to put it right back on plus some. The weight fluctuation has caused major depression and the depression has caused weight gain. I am stuck in a never ending downward spiral toward major health problems. My family history does not help. My father had a triple by-pass at the age of 40, he has type II diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, bad knees and is 100 pounds over weight. My grand father died of a heart attack at only 65 and grandma passed away four years later at 61. I can not go down that same road. I have to make a change and now is the time. I don't want to wait until the end of my life. I want to be young, thin, and healthy. Most of all I just want to live.
I began researching laproscopic Gastric By-pass two years ago and I am well aware of all the possible risks and the drastic life change that I will face. I am ready! I am so very, very, ready. After visiting different hospitals in the area and out of the area I have decided to have the procedure at St. Vincent Charity by Doctor Ben-Meir. As you most likely know the process of getting insurance approval can take time and be frustrating. I had my first evaluation with Latonya at St. Vincent on 1-23-06 she will help me with gathering all my paper work and submitting it for approval with Medical Mutual (supermed).
Medical Mutual requires documentation in the form of progress notes from a medical doctor for the year of 2005. This can consist of one office visit per year and the visit does not have to pertain to weight. They are asking for a 6 month medically supervised diet/ dietary consult/ exercise regimen. (any or all would be helpful). I am hoping and praying that you have some documentation of the low cholesterol diet, Merida Diet, and the Xenical diet. Any and all information that you could provide me with would be greatly appreciated. I did talk with Dawn a month ago requesting copies of my medical records. I mailed her a check for the copies and postage.
In closing, I am very excited about the opportunity to change my life and live happy and healthy. I know that weight loss surgery is not the answer to everything and I will have to work hard to change my habits mentally and physically. I view the surgery as a tool to accomplish what I have been trying to accomplish my entire life. I am also excited to start a family and do understand that I will need to wait 12-18 months post op before we can get pregnant. I am willing to wait this is more important to me. I need to make myself healthy and happy first before we bring a child into the world. It would be selfish of me to feel any other way.
I do greatly value and respect your opinion and or concerns. I have an appointment with you in February and look forward talking with you. If you feel that you would like to see me before then please let me know. You can also contact me at 440-773-xxxx. I will be faxing the authorization for release form along with a copy of this letter to your office today
1-25-06 I can tell I am going to run out of room on this forum faar before I have my surgery. I have a lot to say... as always. Today I scheduled my psych evaluation and my MMPI for February 2,2006 at 1:00 the woman on the phone was very nice and helpful. Shocking! I didn't even have to play the press one two three game. So anyway I also called the sleep study doctor once again to make my appointment and this time a human answered the phone. I told them I had left 2 messages and had not heard anything and the man on the phone(who was very nice) said that they check the voice mail eveyday. Are you kidding me!? So this just goes to show if anyone is reading this and not getting answers and is frustrated with doctors offices and insurance companies, just keep on them.... call and call and call again. It is not their life it's yours. My two messages are pro bally stuck behind Ruth's filing cabinet next to her twinkle wrapper. Just a little funny. So anyway... my fist apt is to see the sleep study Doctor on February 21st. yep that was the soonest. ugh. After that they set me up for the actual study and that is a few more weeks. So i best just sit back and relax.
01-28-06
Well no real progress this week. I still have not received any of my med records. I called again on Friday and was assured that I would get a call back and oh course I did not. I hate the fact that everything at this point is at a stand still do to one lazy twit at the Dr. office. come on how friggin hard is it to make copies and shove them in an envelope. I am sure she made the time to cash my check. Stupid lady!! ahh
On a nicer note I have meet two really nice friends on the site Sarah and Kimberly. God does it feel good to talk with people that "truly understand". The three of us are at about on the same page except Kimberly is a little ahead in that she just received her approval letter!!! whoooo hoooo! yay! I am so happy for her. I hope that Sarah and I will be right behind her but non the less we will support each other through this. This makes me really, really, happy. Support and friends mean everything to me.
So... my mom stopped by today to use some clothes for Florida and I asked her what size she tells me 18 or 20. I grabbed some stuff out of my closet and realized that I literally have a friggin shopping mall in my closet sizes 10,12,14,16,18,20,22 and 24. WTF? well at least when I am going down I will have things to wear... I guess that is a good thing.
01-30-06
Well today was my first day home for the winter... time to get some things done around this house. I'll be working 2 maybe 3 days for the next 3 to 4 weeks. My family has a season company and the winters are very slow. It is nice to have a little break although, there is tons to be done around here. I am using my WLS as an inspiration to get things done. When I get home from the hospital it will be nice to have a clean and well organized house. I have made organization my main focus. I made a list of each room and what needs to be done then I cross them off as I go. Seems to be working out good and John is an angel when it comes to helping around here. Not much progress with the Doctors today although they did call in regards to my psych evaluation which is scheduled for this Thursday February 2nd. They told me that my insurance would pay for 80% whatever!!! so stupid! I also have to pay 75.00 to take the MMPI another whatever!! Latonya got back to me via email in regard to my insurance questions and it seems that local 38 does not have any special requirements. This is good. I still have not heard form the doctors office in regard to MY PAID FOR MEDIAL RECORDS!! and every time I think about it I get more and more pissed. So if I don't have a phone call by Wednesday I am going to have to pull out the not so nice Maris and get some things understood. My friend Kimberly from OH just called... what a nice surprise! she is so sweet. That is all for now. Thanks for reading -hugs_
01-31-06
okay today I think I made a little progress. I talked with a human at the dr. office and they faxed me my med records weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! Not so fast, when I got them I realized they are so hard to read that there is no way the insurance company will except them sooooo... I called again and asked them to please send a copy to my house. That will never happen so I'll just plan on getting them on February 15th at my scheduled appointment. I need to really talk to dr. Madhun anyway and go over my records. I am going to ask him to write me a letter also. The more the better. So I called and talked with Latonya and paid my retarded 250.00. Sorry but... what is that for anyway and here is the deal with it. You can pay 250.oo before you see the doctor or if you wait until you see him it is 350.00. Now you tell me is that a gay or what? So now lets say my insurance is a no go I am out 250.00 plus the 75.00 for the MMPI and all the copays. oh well... what can I do? and as an old Jewish mentor would say "If you want to win the raffle... you gotta buy a ticket!" right Dad? So then on my way home I got a phone call from St Vincent's and they noticed I had taken redux in the past and wanted to know if I have ever had an echo cardiogram?spelling?? I have not, so she gave me the number to call and schedule it. I'll be doing that first thing in the morning. Feels like the ball is starting to move a little.... When I got home there was a message from Dr. Fetterman's office. Hmmmm??? wonder what that's all about? he is my PCP. I'll call there in the morning also and report back. I Just got off the phone with Kimberly from OH and she Just got her date!!!! yay kimberly!!! March 15th. If you are reading this please say some prayers for her also. It very exciting and very scary all at the same time. that is all for now. ta ta
02-04-06
A few days have gone by and I do have a few things to update. I went for my psych. evaluation on Thursday. Dr. stickler was his name. Sweet little old man. I wanted to hug him at the end of the whole thing. He was warm and caring, honest and just so darn cute. Little old people are so cute sometimes. So, he asked me to come to his office which had a nice view with great big windows. He asked me to have a seat on the couch, and he took a seat at his desk. He offered me a sugar free hard candy and we both smiled as we unwrapped them. I think it was cherry. So, he had a bunch of papers and wrote down some notes asked me about an hours worth of questions. "Tell me about your Family, how long have you been over weight, as a child were you molested, what medications are you on, do you like your home life, why do you want wls?" and so on and so on. He told me I did not seem depressed, that I seem cheerful. First time I think I have ever heard my name and cheerful in the same sentance. Oh well... whatever the bottom line to me is just write down on your paper that I am sane. Lets face it he is not going to solve all my problems this is simply a step toward insurance approval. That might sound a bit harsh but my point is I know what this is all about and well, you just have to play the game. As far as my mental health goes. I am depressed! and have been for years. I have a wonderful doctor that I see on a regular basis and I am on medication. I suffer from anxiety and depression and with the medication it does not go away it just makes it easier to cope. I need to go back to therapy. When I went it did help but sometimes it was very painful. Often when I would leave his office I would feel worse. I guess you could say its like opening a can of worms, a really old nasty can of worms. You leave the lid off for one hour and then put the lid back on. The smell still lingers.
Back to my psych eval. I asked the doctor to give me the name of a doctor that might specialize in eating disorders and or major life changes. He did give me a doctor and wished me luck. I think I will be making that phone call. On my way out I was given an envelope with the MMPI in it. Its a true false test. 567 questions!! oh yay! fun. I have started the test and its different the questions are all over the chart. Do you sometimes here voices? Would you like to be a Park Ranger? crazy! but very interesting. So I work on it a little bit each day and when I am done I send it back to Dr. Steckler for him to review and make a report. Should be interesting.
02-08-06
I found out that I need to go on a 6 month diet this is a requirement of my insurance company. I am not sure why but I figure that it's best. At first I was really bummed but... it's okay now. I am going to take this time to work on "me" inside and out. I would like to start therapy and get to the root of my emotional eating. I need to think about my life and think about my past and future. I need to start practicing new habits such as eating slower, cutting my portions down, recognizing when I am reaching for food as comfort.
I had dinner with my best friend last night and she is so wonderful. Really more like a sister to me. She asked me questions and raised some really good points about "me". she knows me so well sometimes its a bit scary. I think she might know me better than anyone. So we talked about emotional eating, and therapy, and life after surgery, and having children, we talked about my family, her family, our husbands, our mother in- laws, her children, money, shopping, clothes, our houses, friends, we talked and talked and talked. After dinner we sat at the bar and had a nutty irishman... so good! (coffee drink) We talked more, somehow we got on the subject of passive aggressive behavior. Very interesting subject. I am going to do some reading online about it. I think my hubby might be a touch P/A and or maybe I am?? I am on my way out the door for my echocardiogram. To be continued...
02-09-06
I went to St. Vincents for my appointmet. Let me just say that everyone at that hospital is soooooo nice (so far). Even the women working at the desk had smiles and said hello. I am just not used to that at a hospital. I have dealt with some pretty nasty people at the Cleveland Clininc. I think that if you are going to work in a hospital with "sick" people you need to pass some sort of a "nice" test. I dont care if your job is to mop the floors, you need to be nice. anyway... sorry...
I had the echocardiogram done and it was really interesting and no pain just a little pressure. It is an untrasound of your heart. She brought me and and had me undress from the waste up and put on a gown. I layed down on the bed and she put some of that goup on a wand and had me move in different positions. She also placed these little stickers on my chest. It was neat you could see my heart beating on the monitor as she took pictures. I asked alot of questions.... as I always do. She said they measure the walls of the heart to make sure they are the right thickness, they measure the size of the heart, they look at each valve, they check the blood flow to make sure that there is no blood in the wrong areas, and they check to make sure there is no blockage. I asked her if she could tell me if she saw something wrong and she said no and we laughed... then she said as long as I am not running out of the room to get the doctor you are fine. She was really nice and joking around with me. Then she said that every thing looked fine (but I didn't hear that from her) we laughed. So that made me feel better.
02-15-06
I went to see my Endocrinologist today. ( Dr Madhun) He is on board with the Wls and supportive. I asked him to strat me on the 6 month diet and he gave me a 1200 calorie diet to follow. Ill be going to the store and starting it in the morning. My weight was up yet again and he seemed irrated by my weight gain. The blood pressure arm thing would not fit arround my arm... yep she had to go out the room to get a bigger one. Ok WTF is going on here. Omg this freaked me out and really upset me. I know I am big but it is not until things like that happen. Things that set you aside from the norm that it really hits me. Very depressing. Anyway, I can't get down that just causes me to eat. I have set up all 6 months worth of weighins and will be done in August which means I am looking at September, October for Surgery. Sounds like a million years away to me right now but everyone keeps telling me it will fly by. We shall see. One day at a time. Here is the deal with the med Diet, the insurance company wants to see a loss every month or that I maintained. Here is the kicker though I cant let my BMI drop below 40. If my BMI drops below 40 I am no longer a candidate for WLS. So loss weight but not too much. ahhhhhhhhhhhhh are you kidding me.
02-24-06
They called for the sleep study and set that up it will be March 13 th at 8:30 P.M. I need to spend the night at the hospital and you sleep in a roon with a queen sized bed and no TV booo! but they will give me something to help me fall to sleep which i will need. They hook me up to all sorts of stuff and wke me up at 5:00 me home. Ill be sure to write all about it.
03-14-06 SLEEP STUDY!!!
Ok well I went for my sleep study on the 13th. What a night. I got there at 8:30 P.M. with my P.J's and a pillow. A very nice woman lead me to my room where there was a queen sized bed and a bunch of machines next tot he bed with red blinking lights. She told me to get ready for bed and she would be back to hook me up. First, she started on my scalp where she parted my hair and put this gunk on my head to attach the electriods. Then, she moved to my forehead, chin, neck, chest and legs. Next, she put some bands around my chest. One went just above by boobs and the other was around my wast. She also taped a micophone under my chin and stuck something in my nose... it sorta reminded me of oxygen thingy... anyway she helped me get into bed with all my wires and told me I needed to sleep on my back for the test to be most effective and also she wanted me to use ONE pillow. WHAT??? this is when I knew i was in trouble first, I never fall to sleep on my back and second I always have 2 or 3 pillows. So I asked for something to help me sleep. After I took that I started feeling sleepy and did fall to sleep. The night was terrible toss... turn... flip... flop. I had no idea what time it was because there was no clock . I was in a strange bed and I looked like something out of the movie alien. At 5:30 AM she opened the door and flipped on the lights. I sat on the edge of the bed while she removed all the eltriods from my body and left goop in my hair. I was tired so... so... so... tired. It really fealt as though I had pulled an all nighter. She told me to get dressed and fill out the paperwork on the desk. It asked me questions like... What was better about your nights sleep here than at home..... ummm??? let me see.... NOTHING! so I filled it out and started to think about a nice hot cup of coffee. She handed me some paperwork and I was on my way. They never had to but the CPAP machine on me which is really a good thing. my breathing did get shallow at one point it dropped to 90 and at 89 she would have come in and put me on the machine. She did tell me in the morning that my sleep was very restless and I was borderline. She said that she will be interested to see what the Doctor says about me. They will let me know in 2 weeks. So I will keep you posted. To be honest with you I think I have sleep apnea and I also think that the testing method is not good. How can anyone really sleep with all that stuff all over you and did I mention that I was being video taped the entire night. Its just strange... you cant get comfortable knowing someone is watching you. I kept thinking of them sitting in the back room eating donuts laughing at me. so silly! This is really funny too! I am a very sound sleeper and I move around a lot in my sleep I also get very very hot. So anyway sometimes at home I must get hot or something and take off all my clothes in the middle of the night because there are times I wake up butt ass naked and think wtf? So before I went to this thing I was all woried that I would strip down in the middle of the night and of course john was teasing me about it too. Turned out the room I was in was nice and cool and with all that stuff on me there was no way I was getting naked. LMAO!
03/22/06 ONE MONTH DOWN 5 TO GO!
Today I had my first months weigh in I lost 6 pounds. Dr. Madhun was really happy and said he was proud of me. I am jsut happy to have one month behind me and it really flew by I hope they all do.
03/23/06
My friend Kimberly had her surgery on the 15th of March and she is doing just awsome! I am so proud of her and happy for her. She told me the pain is really not as bad as what she thought it would be. And the worst part of it all is the gas. They have to pump you full of gas during the surgery and walking is the best way to get it all out. She told me the scars are not bad and that she is just not hungry. I cant imagine that! This gives me such inspiration... I want it over with so bad.
3/24/06
Here is the deal! I told someone close to me about my decision to have WLS and I got 10 seconds of dead silence over the phone followed by "have you tried weight watchers?" and then the whole thing about HER having concerns and a lecture about eating habits. Do you really think that I would opt to have a life threatning surgery if I never tried weight watchers? Do you really think I would do this if diets worked for me?? I was thinking in my head why did I even tell her? I left the conversation feeling like she was dissapointed in me and that I was taking the easy way out. I wanted to scream! I know better... but it still hurts. I know many of you understand and have gone through it. I need to stop caring what others think but it's really hard. On a brighter note I met a good friend for a drink last night, a friend that has know me since elementary school and told her about my decision and she was so wonderful. She said she was really happy for me and proud of me that I have made a decison to change my life. She knows all my history and all about my struggle. I cent help but think that the only people that truly understand this and are happy about my decision are the people that have watched me struggle up and down my entire life. I feel really sad today like crying. I don't know it it's pms or what but I am sad and angry.
Last night we went back and talked about my history maybe that is why I feel so down. She said to me "Mare I remember being young and you eating rice cakes and I was chowing down Twix bars" Then I told her about my gym teacher in the 3rd or forth grade and my eyes welled up with tears. I guess I never really realized how much that effected me until now. I never gave it much thought until now and now it hurts, and now I am angry. I think that is where it all began. That was the day that I was set aside from the rest of the kids without asking. That was the day I was different. That was the day that I realized that I was not as good. That was the day that I first fealt ashamed. And everyday the followed that I was not as good... ashamed and different from the other kids. Man I am fucking pissed. Can you even imagine if a gym teacher did that now? no way! ya know I dont even think my mother knew about it. The humiliation a child feels getting on a scale in front of other adults.... in the teachers lounge while you hear the kids outside playing. Then me having to explain where I was to my friends and making things up. That is where it began. I am not blaming my entire life on this moment but I know that is where it all began and right now I am so sad.
03/27/06
This website is truly amazing. I have found so much support here and met wonderful people. I am so thankful for that. I had a decent weekend. I talked with Kimberly and she is having a hard time with the head hunger. I know that I will strugle with this too. Meaning you are not physically hungry yet your mind is craving food. I know that this will be the hardest part and I pray for the strength to get through it. Kimberley is so wonderful she has been sharing the good and bad with me and is honest. I am so happy to have her.
06/07/06
Wow... time is really flying by. I have not updated in awhile and there are a few things to report. First, I went back for my second sleep study with the C-PAP machine. I slept much better this time, I am not sure if it was the machine or just that I knew what to expect. I looked like darth vador with that mask on and it was really uncomfortable but they gave me something to help me fall asleep. Anyway, about 2 weeks later I met with the Sleep study Dr. Breones sp?? at St. V and she told me I do in fact have sleep apnea. Ill write more later..
06/22/06
Wow time is really flying by now. I have so much to tell. So I do have sleep apnea and I have to wear this damn mask to bed. I take it off everynight in my sleep and dont even know I am doing it. I do feel better when I wear it but... I dont leave it on. I need to talk to the Dr. about this. Anyway, I go a phone call from CCBS stating that she needed all my Dr's notes for my six month diet and that she was going to try and submit all my info early. So I dropped them off to her the next day and she called me back stating that all the notes needed to by typed because you can not read the handwritting and I am thinking oh yeah right... hse has no idea what I had to go through just to get the friggin notes and now she wants them typed... ha! So I then right the Dr. a letter requesting they be typed and meet with him a week later for a weigh in. So we are sitting in the little examining room and he is looking over my letter and gets really angry. He says to me " I can't do this... if you want them typed you will have to pay for it and I have no idea when I could do this... I am just so busy." So my eyes well up with tears thinking that I am just wasting my fricking time with all this shit. Then he whips out his cell phone and calls CCBS and gets Tracy on the phone "WHO WANTS THESE TYPED... WHO IS ASKING FOR THIS?? DO YOU WANT TO TYPE THEM TRACY??" whoa he really let her have it, he was really kind of a jerk. Then I go for my consult with Dr. Ben Mier and at the end I asked his "How do you know Dr. Madhun?" he looked at me and smiled. "He was my professor in medical school" Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. ok... now the picture just got real clear. I chuckled and that was that. needless to say, my paperwork was complete and mailed that same week to the insurance company. Hand writting notes and all. So now I wait... should be 4 to 6 weeks before I here anything. I pray that things go smooth from here and I get approval on the first try. I am confident that I well. I dont know if that is good or bad. Spoke with Tracy today and she confirmed that my paperwork was mailed to medical mutual. I also called to make an appointment with a vascualr Dr. because I do have a family history of blood clots that appointment is set for Wednesday June 28th at 3:00. Also, I am going to meet with a therapist that deals with bariatric patients on Saturday the 24th. I think it is important that I start mentally preparing for what is ahead of me. I know myself and more than anything the mental change will be the hardest. until later...
07/07/06
Yesterday Tracy called from CCBS to update me on the situatiuon. All of my paperwork has been sent to Med mutual and she called to confirm that they recieved it.... but, I already knew that they did because I called myself to check...lol! I am on it like a hawk. I have heard so many horror stories and well... I have waited to long for my papers to get lost in the shuffle. I am still confused as to how they figure I am done with my six month diet but hey she said I had it all done so good! Ill just leave it at that. She seemed to think I would hear back from Med Mutual by the end of July and hopes to have me in surg sometime in August. wooooo hoooooo! I hope all goes smoth and I get a phone call in the next few weeks with the two most important words I am waiting for "you're approved" So then reality will set in and I am sure I will wigg out and second quess my decison 100 times back and forth but... for now I am confident. Not to much else is new just thinking about how in the hell I am going to take 2 weeks off of work in the middle of August a Very! Very busy time for us. My dad is not to worried he says just go and do what you need to do. get it overwith. I am worried though. I did hire someone here to help me out part time but you know how that goes its takes time to trust and it takes time to teach so I better get on the ball with that. I am not to sure what I am going to tell people at work. I dont know how comfortable I feel telling them about the surg. bye for now.
APPROVED!!!!! Well... it was not just that easy but today after my appeal letter from my first denial I got news that my denial has been reveresed. woooooo hooooooooo!!!!!!! Its been a long wait but i finally got what I wanted. I did have to do it myself and thank God I am such a pistol when it comes to getting my way. I told the staff at St. V's I would be handeling my own appeal because well.... they are idiots. I wrote a letter with the help of OH and submitted the letter with all my paper work. note... make copies of everything and dont have you doctor send anything direct have him give you the papers so you can copy them and then forward them on. This helped me out big time. also... I called the insurance company every other day to check the statis. I think I drove them insane but ya know what.... who cares that is there job. So yesterday I called and she said my letter was sent in the mail. I asked her to fax it to me and then I faxed to to St. V's.... oh course i still have not heard from them but... I have a feeling my phone will be ringing today. Ill keep you posted.
SEPTEMBER 25,2006
WELL.... TODAY I GOT MY DATE NOVEMBER 9TH 2006!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY CRAP THIS MADE EVERYTHING REAL AND I AM NOW SCARED. I AM VERY EXCITED!!! I NEVER THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD COME. DEAR GOD LET ME PULL THOUGH THIS STRONG. MY PRE OP TESTING IS SCEDULED FOR FRIDAY OCT 20TH.... SO LONG AS THAT GOES WELL... I AM OFF TO SURGERY!!!
CHANGE OF PLANS~!!!!!!!! OCTOBER 25TH IS MY DAY. HOLY CRAP THAT IS 2 WEEKS SOONER!!!! WEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! PRE ADD TESTING FRIDAY 10-06-06 WOW!!! I AM SO EXCITED.
THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO
~Being able to shave my legs in the shower and not have it be a huge event
~Not having my thighs rub together when I walk
~Buying a really great pair of designer jeans
~Leaving the mall without getting depressed and crying
~Not being so damn hot all the time and sweaty
~Not getting out of breath from going up the stairs
~Not dreading going for walks with my hubby and dogs
~wanting to go swimming
~buying a pair of black leather boots that zip past my ankle
~Getting rid of this damn back fat that puffs out under my bra line
~Playing softball
~feeling proud
~having my feet, back, knees, ankles stop hurting
~getting off this damn C-PAP machine
~Being able to have children and being a great active mom
~When I get pregnant having a cute round belly
~Not dreading getting on the scale at the Dr. office
~Not hiding behind small children and others in pictures
~wanting a picture of me that I dont say "no body please"
~Going to a gathering and not being upset about the way I look
~Having my husband carry me to bed
~Tie my shoes without feeling like i will pass out
~feel comfortable in an airplane seat
~Share clothes with my skinny friends
~Run into old friends and not care because I know I look good
~Fit the bath towel all the way around me with room to spare.
~Go out to a fancy resturant with my hubby in a little black dress and feel sexy
~Feel confident in bed about my body
~stop pushing my husbands hand away when he touches my tummy
~stop fixing my shirt because its clinging to my belly
~Go out with the girls dancing
~not worry if chairs will break if i sit in them (like those plastic lawn chairs)
~Cross my legs
~jump up and wrap my legs around my husband
~wear a size 12
~wear a size 8
09/28/06
so they bumped up my surgery date 2 whole weeks... whooo hooo!! that helps a little. Its crazy after you get approved its like things go from turtle speed to worp zone. Anyway, the days are dragging because all I can do is count them down T minus 26. I have been having some very strange emotions pop up. I am not scared of the surgery at this point, not the cuts, or the pain. I am scared to death of failing. I am scared to death I will do all this and lose weight and then somehow figure out a way to eat the things I shouldn't and gain it back. I am scared I will outsmart my new tummy. I am scared I will be hungry. I just cant imagine "Me" not being hungry. I read about people on here that have gained and people that are hungry and to be honest it freaks me out... I feel like I just know that will be me. I pray for strength. Today I took a huge step and sent an email to all my family and close friends annocing my choice to have WLS. This was huge for me. When I first looked into it I did not want anyone to know. The more I learned the more I became confident in my decision. I am not ashamed of this... not in the least. I am taking control of my life and I feel so blessed that i am being given the tool to get this job done once and for all!! Here is a copy of the letter I sent the family
Hey everyone, (no i am not pregnant....geeez)
I have some big news... some of you may know already and some of you do not. I wanted to wait until things were set in stone. I have decided to have Roux-en-Y gastric bypass (RGB) it will be done laproscopic on October 25th at St. Vincent Charity Hospital here in Cleveland. My doctor is Aviv Ben-Mier. I have been researching this surgery for years and have been to many hospitals in Cleveland and Columbus. I feel comfortable close to home and I have 100% confidence in my surgeon. His track record is impeccable. No leaks, no deaths, no major complications. After meeting him I just knew he was the right Doctor.
Anyway, I know that some of you may not agree with my decision and that is fine I don't expect everyone to understand. And if you have never struggled with your weight (meaning over 100 pounds overweight) I don't think that you could understand. I know this is what I need to do to live the rest of my life healthy and happy. The way I look at it I am taking control of my life! I have been struggling with my weight since I was a little girl. I remember my gym teacher putting me on a diet in the 3rd grade. Everyday while the kids were out at recess I went to the teachers lounge to weigh in with all the other teachers sitting there watching. Talk about mentally scars! ugh! I think that was the beginning. I have been on every single diet known. I have been successful in the past. Shortly before I met John I lost 70 pounds. But, what most of you don't know is that I starved myself to get there taking diet pills and working out like a maniac there were nights that I could not sleep because I was so hopped up on diet pills. As soon as I returned to a "normal life" and stopped taking the pills the weight came right back on plus some. I have done all the diets and most of them more than three times: Jenny Craig, Weight watchers, South Beach, The diet Center, Physicians Weight loss, Atkins, Cabbage soup, Low cal, low fat, low carb, liquids, you name it and I have done it.
Well anyway, I just wanted those closest to me to know what is going on and ask for your thoughts and prayers in the weeks to come. If anyone has any questions.... I have become a wealth of knowledge on the subject and I would be happy to tell you all about this amazing procedure and the way it has helped thousands and thousands around the world. I am actually considering taking my nursing career in this direction. Also, just because I know you are wondering...."yes... I can still have babies" I just need to wait a little longer but, I know this will make me a happier healthier more active mommy. And yes... I can still have some drinks down the road but I will be a "cheap date" so to speak. There are some major life changes ahead of me and I am ready!!! I have read the good the bad and the ugly. I know the facts. I feel blessed that I am being given the tool to finally win the battle and I feel blessed that I am being given a chance to start a new me and do all the things I love to do.
A few more things... My insurance company has approved this procedure for me and will be covering it 100%. Also, my parents, husband, and friends that have watched me struggle my entire life are extremely supportive. Thank you guys... I love you!! Sorry about the email its just easier this way but feel free to ask me about it any time.
I have attached a little bit of info about the RNY.
Love, maris
09/29/06
Here I am at work.... I am angry. The well thought out email that I sent to the entire family has been responded to by 2 family members yes 2!!! with love, support, and encouragement... the rest have not responded at all. I knew that I was running the risk when I sent it that people may not agree nor respond but I had no idea how much it would hurt. Beth... my BFF says that they probally have not even read it yet but I find that hard to believe considering I live on my computer. Maybe... Ill just give it a few more days I just feel so naked right now.... Like i spilled it all and then all I get is silence.... ugh!
10/06/06
Its 4:30 am. Today is my pre op testing. I did not sleep well last night. Tossing and turning..... flipping and flopping. Mostly just excited. I was scared I would over sleep and miss it. So i just decided to get up and shower.
PAT
I arrived at 7:00 AM and went to and lobby where there were two nice heavy set ladies sitting. The smiled at me and we all started to talk right away. There names were JD and Tammi. So the signed me in and I went for my ekg right away after that they drew some blood and I was happy to have a cup of coffee. I had to fast for the blood work. So then the respitory sp? man came to get me and I had to breathe into this machine and he gave me a little device to take home and practice my breathing pre op. After that we went upstairs to the bariatric office and they fed us bagels and fruit. We all talked and laughed and shared. It was really nice to have people there that understand exactly what I am going through. We exchanged email and phone numbers and since my surgery date is first they said I am the ring leader. Anyway, the nurse came in and talked and then we met with the Doctor one by one and then the NUT came in and talked to all of us. We learned what to eat, what not to eat. How to read labels, how to get the fluid in and all the protein. So that brought us to about 2:30 and we were sent home. My head was full of info and still is. I have tons of paperwork to read. I will say this... I am sooo ready for this. after today I know that I am ready, I can do this and I will be a success! I am so ecxited to start my new life... T minus 18!
