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Gone . . . 41 lbs. Still here--I do get hungry. It's not intense as before, but it's there.

I'm still tired all the time and it doesn't help that I don't sleep well. I see Dr. R again on 10/23 and those are the two top items on my list.

I cleaned out my closet and it's almost empty. Probably one of the best things I did was buy clothes throughout my waiting period. Then after I started loosing, I had to go get some capris. Well I just had to go buy another khaki pair because the other ones were "saggy, diaper butt pants!"

I'm hoping I can graduate to more normal and different foods. I think I still only hold about 1/4 cup at a time. That is just so weird. My typical day is

decaf hot tea when I get up (YECH but it gives me the water)
Protein drink on the way to work. What is left when I get there goes in the fridge for the drive home. (These usually have 16 oz of fluids)
Another cup of decaf hot tea at work (again . . . more fluids)
Cottage cheese and a tiny piece of fruit for "breakfast" at work. When I say tiny, I mean like a 3" mango slice or a 2-3" pineapple spear, 2" if it's thick.

Lunch is tuna or egg salad on 1/2 slice whole grain bread (rarely) or on 6 True North Pistachio Crisps. I tried, but just cannot eat tuna or egg salad with a spoon. I figured the small amount of carbs would be better than not eating.

Afternoon snack is Greek Yogurt flavored with SF coffee syrups. So far my favs are Starbucks Vanilla and DaVinci Cherry. I sprinkle a few grape nuts on top and stir it all up. The grape nuts provide a little fiber and slow me down on the yummy yogurt.

Dinner is 3-5 shrimp with a little cocktail sauce and a little bit of my husband's salad. Little Bit translates to 4-6 small lettuce/spinach leaves.

Dessert is a SF popsicle. (More liquids.)

I always have water with me. If I'm hungry or dying for something salty, I eat a few dry roasted edamame that I get at Costco. These little things have a LOT of protein.

I had my doctor's appointment on 8/21. He said I'm doing great and the weakness and sleeplessness will go away. I was down to 192. I normally wigh on my scale first thing in the morning before I get dressed and there is about a 3 lb difference.

I have graduated to real food--shrimp, fish, veggies and can have Garlic. Still no iced tea. I was so looking forward to fish, however, my first experience was 2 hours of agony! I slimed, did a little foaming, couldn't sit down and just felt awful. It's so weird to feel every bite of food going down and boy did I feel this. All I could do was lean against a door frame, sip some iced water (I know this is a no-no, but it seemed to ease the pain) and wait for the final bit to go off into gut-land. Once it did, I was worn out, but the pain was gone.  I NEVER want to experience something like this again. When I talked to Dr. R about this, he said I probably started with too much. Of course he was right. I had about a 1x2" piece and my husband overcooked it. Dr. R said I should have had one flake. After we left my appointment, we went to dinner. I ordered shrimp cocktail (and had enough shrimp that the one shrimp cocktail lasted for 4 meals!) and my husband had a fish meal. I had one tiny bite of the fish and didn't get sick.

I started taking my iron and can honestly say I am finally feeling better.
One of my problems with the iron is constipation. When I tried Flintstones Complete before surgery, it was awful. My sister-in-law mentioned MiraLax to me and I asked Dr. Rumsey about it. He said it would be fine for occasional use, but not regular use--so not quite a stool softener, more a laxative. If you look at the front label and this part was quite confusing as it said "stool softener" and "laxative." Dr. R recommended Metamucil daily. I talked to my sister-in-law about this as there is no way on this earth that I could get my breakfast drink in AND that orange gunk! She told me you can get it in pill form. I bought some and don't even have to take one daily.

I'm scheduled to go back to work on 9/15. Most of my pants are getting too large to even wear around the house. I went and bought new clothes yesterday and skipped from size 1X to L tops--that was kind of neat. What was better is Sears had a fantastic sale. When I got home, I went home and wrote one of my online RNY friends about the sale and she had been there herself!

After a nearly 2-week plateau, the weight has been slowly and steadily coming off. I'd love to see big losses, but am happy with the small ones. I'm hoping the small ones will help my skin adjust as I lose. I'm thankful that my neck isn't looking bad. The arms--they're another story. My husband found a set of hand weights at the Sears sale for me for $4--they were in a box that had broken. I was thrilled. Who knew one day I'd get happy with a surprise gift of hand weights!

My other purchase was a Kitchenaid blender. I've been using my Magic Bullet, but only with a 1/2-serving of proten. When I go back to work, I'm going to be mixing a full serving to take with me and the Bullet just won't hold that much. QVC had them for $99 and a $20 rebate. After looking yesterday, QVC's $99 price with tax and shipping was cheaper than I could find elsewhere. I'm anxious for it's arrival to try out.

Final purchase--Costco now carries dry-roasted Edame. I bought some and they're great. Just 1/4 cup gives a good serving of protein and they're not sweet.

I decided to try fish again. I had green beans too. It worked when I had a tiny bite of fish with a green bean.

The other problem food for me is eggs. It doesn't matter how I try them, it feels like some sort of spiked pod going down my throat. Even fake eggs dont' work for me. I can, however eat a hardboiled white, or the entire thing mixed into an egg salad. Still--not something I want to eat without some bread or a cracker.

For me, if it doesn't have a decent amount of protein, a food doesn't cross my lips. Bread and Crackers fall in the too bad, too sad category. In The Success Habits of Weight-Loss Surgery Patients, I read about the protein thing. Protein is what our bodies need to heal and sustain us. If we eat bread, breads, crackers, and other non-protein foods, we're displacing space that could be filled with protein. This is a good book for other little "light-bulb" moments on our new ways of eating.

Went to the doctor yesterday and given the circumstances, he I'm doing great. He put me on antibiotics though because I've been coughing (dry), my nose just runs, I'm hoarse, had a 99.8 temp yesterday--that was unexpected. I just though it was allergies because he took me off those meds as well. Must be something because both the cough and nose is better today. I also seem to have a bit more energy; my coloring is definitely better.   I lost 15 lbs officially. The biggest place I see it . . . my feet! Can you believe it, I go through all this stuff, almost die and lose weight in my feet!. It's more than that, just not as noticable. I will be glad when the pokes heal and the swelling in my stomach goes down. One GB author likens the swollen stomach to looking like a manatee. I added looking (and feeling) like a manatee that's been snagged by fishhooks. 
  I can also eat 3-2oz meals a day consisting of yogurt, cottage cheese, or scrambled eggs. Actuallly the eggs, can also be poached or soft cooked--YECH! I can have 2-6oz proteing drinks also. I tried one of those last night and could only get through 1/2. I haven't had the egg yet. A friend gave me some Greek yogurt before surgery and I stuck it in the freezer. I had some of it while I waited for my prescription to be filled. I do think it needs the honey, but not for me. I think Bariatric Eating has some sugarless honey sticks that I'll order the next time I order from them. The cottage cheese tasted wonderful. I could have easily eaten more of that. So far, no problems eating or drinking.  

I cannot say enough postiive about Dr. Rumsey. He is amazing, is kind, takes time to talk to you and I condsider myself fortunate to have him as my surgeon.

I also have special thank yous to the following nurses: Patty, Sherry, David, Rebekah, and Kari. I also want to say thanks to Joel, "the Mosquito." Poor Joel and Patty had the task of getting blood from my uncooperative veins and starting an IV. I felt sorry for them! This staff was amazing and was a true team in an emergency.

We arrived at the hospital early on 7/17—we weren’t taking any chances of arriving late. My husband went with me and was my Very Special Partner at Scripps Mercy. I would have been lost without him. He stayed on a cot in the room with me. Poor guy needs a vacation . . . the cot sounded like it was made of garbage bags stuffed with newspaper and he was up every 2 hours with me.

My surgery was uneventful--there as a little scar tissue, but still laparoscopic. I wasn't in recovery long. The anesthesiologist was great because I don't remember even leaving the holding ward! I was there and then back in my room.

The first night wasn't good. I kept telling the night nurse something was wrong and she'd say no, it was gas that I had to get up and walk. I almost passed out and walked maybe 4 chairs length. My stomach kept getting bigger and bigger and was really sore. I told her I had had gas before from a colonoscopy and this wasn't gas; something was wrong. Right before she went off shift, I felt like I had to pass gas, but wanted to go to the bathroom. She told me to just let it pass. I did and it wasn't gas. She had a mess to clean up. They left me with a bed pan and it happened again within a short time frame. This time I had the day nurses. Rebekah was my favorite. She called Dr. Rumsey.   So I was laying in bed and knew I had to get to the bathroom. My husband had gone to get something to eat so I pushed the buzzer. Nobody came--the dang thing was unplugged. I looked at the bathroom and decided I had to try myself.--something was seriously wrong. I kept calling out for help and, unbeknown to me, I was leaving a "trail." I got to the wall and saw someone mopping floors. I don't know if she ever realized I seriously needed help, but I got to the toilet, and fell in love when I saw the magical call cord. I don't even remember what I said but my nurse came running as did a bunch of other people. There was a bunch blood on me, the floor, and the toilet. I told my son it looked as if I had Parvo from an experience we had had with a dog when he was a kid.   My poor husband doesn't do well with this stuff and I kept leaning my head on whomever or whatever was nearby. I wanted to put my head back so he came in the little commode area and stood behind me. The nurses were fantastic. The hopped to it like a well-oiled machine. They tried to call for a lift team and one wasn't available until 2 p.m. They devised a plan, got me in a wheelchair and back to bed. In the meantime, Dr. Rumsey and another Dr. were in there. It looked like a party in my little room, except I wasn't there! They kept telling me not to close my eyes. There wasn't any pain, I was just tired and couldn't focus on anything. One of the nurses had a pretty red top on, Sherry, and David, another had some stitching around the collar of his shirt. I eyed those two items to stay awake.   They talked about moving me to ICU and Dr. Rumsey said I'd be more comfortable where I was with my husband if the nurses had time to take care of me. I can't say enough positive about the teamwork and compassion they all had. I got 3 units of blood, 2 plasma, and was soon strolling the halls again.  I was so excited when I did pass gas for real that I told my nurses and Dr. R.   Most of the night nurses were awful. Both my husband and I expressed our concerns to Dr. R and the day nurses and they both said they would talk to the evening staff. I think they were told not to leave my room because one was outside my door after the first night. I had Michelle the 2nd night and liked her. After that I had Ranjana. She was so kind, professional, quite, and just a tremendous help.

I'm a Kaiser patient and had a choice between Pacific Bariatric and Scripps Mercy or Dr. Suh and Inland Valley. I told Dr. Rumsey that I knew I made the right choice in selecting Pacific and Scripps Mercy. Had I been at Inland Valley, I have no doubt that I wouldn’t have survived the bleed.
  I glad to be back at home and not having much pain at all. I can easily drink an ounce of my protein drink at a time. I asked about mixing my 5 ounces up in the morning and was told that wasn't a problem that protein does not go bad in a short period of time. I'll be glad when all the drugs are out of my system and I can focus on something. more than 10 minutes.

Today is my fasting day. This afternoon we go to San Diego for a 4-hour class, 1:30-5:30. That is going to be a challenge as when we're in San Diego at that time of the day, we go out to eat and stick around until traffic eases. Not this time! Guess we'll be sitting in traffic.

Biggest fear: this last effort at health won't work.

I am asked several times . . . so how do you feel. I feel weird. I'm not anxious, I'm not frightened--I feel weird. I've read Pacific Bariatric's booklets (both from the seminar and what I got last week) SEVERAL times. I hope they don't wind up hating me. I sat down this morning and emailed a bunch of questions to them . I hope I'm not too much of a pain to them.

I  worry that this won't work and I will have made this big, irreplaceable change and it won't work. 

What if I need aspirin or a fiorinal. What if what if what if. I once heard a great piece of advice--Don't should on yourself and don't should on others. I think I'm adding--NO what ifs!

How long will I need to be off work, how amy I going to get out of our cushy couch or the tall fluffy bed when I'm by myself. How am I going to keep Quincy Jefferson (that's him as my Avatar) from crawling on my belly. 

I've been following my surgeon's pre-surgery diet but have also been saying goodbye to some old favorites. We had chocolate cake and both times it's made me sick . If something makes me sick, I have no problem avoiding it. It's funny how I say goodbye. I eat the item slowly and pay attention to each bie. So far, it hasn't been a problem. It's bein another experience to fuel the "weird" feeling. I think only fellow bypass friends can only undersand this feeling.

I went to San Diego for my 3 doctor appointments on 5/30. They were all easy and we got there early and finished early.

Earlier today, I got my call telling me I have preop on 7/16 and surgery on 7/17. It will be weird as I've never had any type of surgery outside of the Kaiser arena.

They had a neat BMI calculator there. It said my BMI was 46.5, weight 219. All this time I was worried about too low of a BMI! The other weird thing was they said I'm 5'2 1/2" not 5'1 1/2". 

They told me to drink 50 gr protein for breakfast, 50 for lunch, carrots and 1/2 a protein bar for snacks and salads for dinner. Well, I tried that for 2 days and was sick every afternoon. I'm now doing 25-35 gr protein 3 times a day and I can do that. 

I'm working on convincing my mind that I can get through 7/16 without a raging headache and that even if I get one, It will be over in 24 hours.

I received my letter yesterday with 11/7 as the official date that I start my classes at Kaiser Fontana. WOW ! ! ! I'm excited, scared, and befuddled.

I've read 2 books already and in the process of reading two more right now. I won't be accused of not knowing what I'm doing.

My knees hurt daily and back has started hurting. With that in mind and great support, I still have thoughts of "What am I doing." This puzzles me because I'm a logically thinking person and logically thinking--this is the best option for my future.