Heather K.

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Holy wow - that's more than my 5-year-old daughter weighs! When I look at the numbers, I'm amazed. I'm still not happy with my body though... :(  I'm really wanting to get under 200 by the middle of Oct. I went to the dr yesterday b/c I'm still suffering from chronic fatigue. I thought it might have been giving up the caffeine, but I did that in April and I should be over my Coke "addiction"  4 months later.  Dr said it could be low iron... we'll see.

Anywho, I've noticed that some of my 18's are starting to fit again and that puts a smile on my face - but not all of them fit, so I am stuck in between my 24's and 18's. I refuse to go buy anymore clothes b/c I am so determined to get this weight off. My t-shirts are hanging off me, but it's ok, my dh is not here for another month and it's not like I'm here to impress anyone. I was thinking about joining curves or even ordering nutrisystem, but I think I am going to give South Beach a real honest to goodness effort. I've been walking 3 miles a day about 5 days a week, trading off the elliptical/stairmaster, and have consciously added more strength training. I know that is where I've been letting myself down, so I've got to step it up. So, that's my update in a nutshell.

I've lost 30 lbs in about 2 months and I still feel like it's not good enough or it's not as much as I want it to be. It's a lot when I sit back and look at it as not mine. Why am I so hard on myself?

Last night, hubby & I watched as how about people who eat enough damn food to gain like 3 lbs a day!! They were talking about food being an addiction, almost like a drug or alcohol addiction. I agreed, but hubby said there was no way it could be an addiction, but he's never been fat like I have been and have felt. Yes, he gained weight - but he was only "fat" about 6 months and a lot of it had to do with his cancer/chemo.

I went through hell growing up dealing with weight issues. I don't think I was ever obese like I am now - I was a big overweight, but not a whole lot - maybe 20 lbs. 20 lbs overweight! OMG I would love to be only 20 over right now. I have really changed my eating and exercising to lose this weight, but hubbydoesn't understand, I think about food A LOT!!! I think about giving up & giving in to my cravings all the time. If I didn't need to eat to live, I would throw it all away and not touch it! I wish I didn't have to get up every morning and fight my cravings and urges all damn day!

I would like to be able to wake up and have food presented and prepared for me without having to think about it... without having to keep track of calories, fat grams, fiber grams, etc.

I really wish that the cable companies were not allowed to show so many damn food commercials. OMG that is like waving crack in front of an addict --- teasing & taunting! OMG It's so cruel! Damn you Taco Bell for your 4th meal commercials. Damn you McDonald's and your tasty fries! I hate you!!! My relationship with food is definitely a love/hate one. I love how it tastes, but I hate what overindulging in it does to my body/health.

I feel like such a whiner for talking like this, but it does truly help to get this off my chest!!! AAAAHHHHH!!!!! I can do this! I am worth it!!!

I joined this group in December of '06 desperately wanting to lose weight and I though WLS was my only option. I was hell-bent on having surgery and started the process. I was sent to the bariatric team for an interview and was told I would be on a waiting list and in the meantime I had to lose 25 lbs to show that I was committed to weight loss. In the meantime, I lost a family member to complications due to GB and it scared me to death! I had also visited the memorial pages of members lost here and that scared me as well.

I fell into a depression. I felt like I was trapped inside my fat body forever. I was too scared to get surgery after seeing & reading about people who died from its complications. I felt like I was always too tired to exercise after working 8 hrs, dealing with 3 kids and working on my degree full-time online. I quit my job in February after 5 years and focused on my kids and schooling more. Then, my husband told me his unit was hosting the Army's birthday ball this year. Its going to be at the Hawaiian Hilton Hotel and I desperately wanted to go, but there was no way I was going to go after I'd put back on the weight I had lost in '05 (dropped 90 lbs and gained 50 of it back!) My birthday came around in April and it was like I woke up and decided I had lied to myself long enough - I felt that that day was the day I needed to change it all....

I decided that I would lose enough weight by my next birthday to be able to join the Army myself. I wanted to do this for me, but a little part of me is being selfish. I had joked to my mom that getting my degree was taking too long and I should just join the Army and get paid while I trained.... she said "yeah right, you're too fat to do that". So yea, a little part of me wants to do this out of spite for all the times that I've been told I couldn't do something either because of my size or because I had asthma complications or any other reason I couldn't. But, now that I am out of my mom's house and away from her pack-a-day smoking habit - I don't have any asthma issues. I am sick maybe once or twice a year!

So, for the last 4 weeks, I've been "training". My husband is my person drill sergeant and I've been keeping track of what I eat and doing cardio at least 5 times a week. I've dropped about 20 lbs so far and about 20 inches! Wow! I still have a ways to go, but I am more determined than ever to do this. My kids are very supportive of me and my son even made me a drawing that said "my mom is going to be the best girl soldier ever!" I am determined not to let him or myself down!

Keep your fingers crossed for me!