NewYear....New Me

Jan 03, 2009

While I have actively read posts and other member's blogs for several months, I have not posted any information about me or my journey.  Today I am realizing that this will help not only me, but perhaps can help others in their journey as well.  It really does help to know you are not the only one experiencing the emotions and struggles that you are going through.

I decided in January of 2008 that I wanted to explore weight loss surgery.  After attending a lap band seminar, i decided that for me the RNY would be the best option.  I started to complete all of the pre-op requirements and then started a 6 month process to get insurance approval.  I finally got approval in late September and then struggled with when to schedule my surgery.  I am self employed and tried to find a time when it would have the least impact on my business and income.  Finally I decided there was no GOOD time, and I scheduled for December 2, 2008.

When I went in for my pre-op work up, I had gained 19 pounds from my first meeting with my surgeon.  His practice had a very strict policy about weight gain and told me I needed to lose those 19 pounds or we would have to post-pone my procedure.  With a lot of prayers from other people and hard work, I was able to lose the 19 pounds by the day of surgery.

My two days in the hospital were no fun....the worst was the first day I could have absolutely nothing to drink,  My mouth was sooo dry and all I could do was use the little sponges to wet my mouth, but i had to spit out any remaining liquid.  But I got through it and came home feeling great.

My greatest struggle has been that I can not find anything to drink that tastes good.  I throw up water - no mater what the temperature.  I have a horrible taste in my mouth and nothing tastes good to me.  About all I am eating is yogurt and Popsicles.  I know this will pass, but I am pretty miserable in the meantime.  Still, I have lost 40 pounds since I started and I couldn't be happier about that.

Even though I know in my mind that I should make my goal with this tool I have been given, I wonder if I will always think of myself as fat.  This weight has impacted my self esteem to the point I  that i truly doubt my self worth.  I hope that I can regain and recover who I am and no longer settle in my life.

So here is to 2009 -a new year and a new me.

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