murfy

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i am terrified out of my mind!!!!! i'm excited about the long term future, but super scared about the very immediate future. i am scared of going under anesthsia, i am scared of staying in the hospital, i am worried my dogs will be sad while i am gone. i am worried that my sleep apnea will interfere with healing and post op. ahhhhh. i need a valium or something. i have had a headache for the past 2 days. i can't stop stressing.

well... my surgery is now april 22. i am severely anemic, and i have a month to get my iron and red blood cell count as high as possible. i still might need to get a blood transfusion. i will find out before my surgery.

i find out in the morning when my exact surgery date is. if they say i can do it on wednesday this week i will. i'm nervous! i have ordered bariatric fusion chewable vitamins and a bunch of sample protein powders. also looking into buying this cuisinart mini food processor to blend soups and stuff.

so medicaid will be paying for my gastric bypass surgery. they will pay for anything over $1,100 that i spend in one given month. with my orencia infusions ($426 twice a month) and also my other medications and doctor's visits, my surgery should be free. i can't believe it. i finally feel like this insane medicaid plan that i have for being on social security disability, actually has a purpose, and it will change my life.

the surgeon i am using, Dr. Kevin Hoddinott, is in Ocala. he wants to do my surgery open. i have read good and bad things about open and laproscopic. it seems like both have equal pros and cons. i've had surgery before and it was kind of major, but it wasn't on any major organs like this. it's freaky to think about them scooping everything out of me and putting it back in. i don't even like to sleep on my back because i need to protect my soft middle.

i am hoping i will find someone i can talk to on here that is maybe in a similar situation or has already gone through it. i have Rheumatoid Arthritis with overlapping Lupus. this does present some extra risk with the surgery. losing the extra weight from the long term steroid use and inability to exercise, will relieve so much pressure from my joints and back.

i know i should take my before pictures soon, but i don't even want to see them! i used to be so vain and took pictures of myself all the time, now the only mirror i own is the one above my bathroom sink.