nc_nikki
I WAS BORN IN BALTIMORE MARYLAND ON JULY 2, 1966. I HAD TWO GREAT PARENTS WHO LOVED ME AND MY SIBLINGS BUT THEY NEVER WOULD LET US DO ANY SPORTS OR ANY AFTER SCHOOL ACTIVITIES. OUR WEEKENDS WERE SPENT AT A LOCAL MCDONALDS WHERE MY DAD MET FRIENDS THAT WERE IN A CB CLUB. IN ORDER FOR US TO BE GOOD WE WERE BOUGHT FOOD....BIG MAC, FRENCH FRIES AND A MILK SHAKE AND ON THE WAY HOME MY DAD WOULD ALWAYS STOP AT DUNKIN DONUTS. I REALLY DIDNT CONSIDER MY SELF THAT FAT THEN, BECAUSE AS I LOOK BACK AT PICTURES NOW I JUST SEE ME AS BEING A LIL OVER WEIGHT. OUR FAMILY PICKED UP AND MOVED TO THE MOUNTAINS OF WESTERN NORTH CAROLINA TO WHERE ALL MY RELATIVES LIVED. A LIL TOWN THAT KEPT DEEP DARK SECRETS HIDDEN. WHEN I WAS AROUND 2 OR 3 MY MOTHER'S DAD STARTED MOLESTING ME BY TOUCHING ME AND DOING THINGS TO ME WHEN MY PARENTS WEREN'T AROUND. HE DID THIS UNTIL I WAS 17 YRS OF AGE. HE MADE ME FEEL S DIRTY AND I HATED MY BODY BECAUSE IT TURNED HIM ON. I WAS SO SCARED OF HIM. I WOULD RUN AND HIDE IN THE CLOSET AND LOCK THE DOOR WHEN I WOULD SEE HIM COMING WHEN MY PARENTS WERE GONE. HE DIED SEVERAL YEARS AGO AND I THOUGHT MAYBE I WOULD FEEL DIFFERENT ABOUT MYSELF BUT I STARTED HAVING BACK FLASHES , SO I STARTED SEEING A THERAPIST AND THAT HELPED A GREAT DEAL. BUT I WAS EATTING MORE AND MORE. I FINALLY TOLD MY DAD AND MOM ABOUT 5 YRS AGO. I TOLD DAD WHILE MY MOM WAS IN THE STORE WHAT MY GRANDFATER HAD DONE TO ME AND HE SAID HE WISHED HE HAD KNOWN AND FOR ME TO NOT TO UPSET MY MOTHER BY TELLING HER. THAT KILLED ME WHEN HE SAID THAT, HERE I WAS THE ONE MOLESTED AND HE WAS PROTECTING MY MOM. LATER ON THAT DAY I TOLD MY MOTHER, SHE SAID SHE WAS SORRY AND THAT SHE WISHED SHE HAD KNOWN. THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANTED TO HEAR, I NEEDED TO HEAR HER SAY "I HATE HIM FOR DOING THAT TO YOU" BUT THOSE WORDS NEVER CAME OUT OF HER MOUTH. EVERY BODY IN THE FAMILY TALKS ABOUT THIS MAN AS BEING A SAINT , WHEN THEY KNOW HOW HE WAS. I ASKED MY AUNT (HIS DAUGHTER) IF HE HAD EVER TOUCHED HER AND SHE SAID OF COURSE, I HAVE HAD TO MOVE HIS HANDS OFF MY BREASTS MANY TIMES. THIS IS WHEN I SAID TO MYSELF HELLOOOOO PEOPLE WAKE UP, YOU NEED TO PROTECT YOUR KIDS REGARDLESS OF WHO IT IS. TO THIS DAY MY MOM STILL TALKS FONDLEY OF MY ABUSER AND IT GIVES ME CHILLS. I HAVE A VERY DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY AND IT SEEMS LIKE I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS SENSE. I TAKE ON THE BURDENS OF THE WORLD AND TO DO THIS I EAT AND EAT. EATTING FILLS THE VOID. I AM A EMOTIONAL EATTER.
NOW I AM GETTING HELP WITH MY EMOTIONAL EATTING AND TRYING TO EAT HEALTHIER. I AM HOPING TO HAVE GASTRIC BYPASS SURGERY IN A COUPLE MOVES. I AM CURRENTLY GETTING MY CRIMINAL JUSTICE DEGREE ONLINE WHILE I AM DIETING. I HAVE A 4.0 AVERAGE AND I HOPE SOMEDAY TO GET MY LIFE TOGETHER AND GET A GREAT JOB AND I WANT TO HELP PEOPLE LIKE ME IN MY COMMUNITY TO KNOW THEIR IS HELP OUT THERE, YOU JUST GOT TO FIND IT.
I HAVE A HUSBAND WHO I HAVE BEEN MARRIED TO 7 YRS THIS COMING SEPT. 12TH AND A BEAUTIFUL 22 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER WHO HELPS TAKE CARE OF ME.
