nessar
5 years post-op, Minus 106 lbs
Aug 22, 2009
It's been 5 years (a few months over) since my surgery. And oh my! has my life changed. I'm 22, 5'3" and now 142 lbs. That means I'm -106 lbs from my start in 2004 at age 17.
I can't begin to chronicle how my life has changed or what has passed since I last wrote on here.
In short:
I have MS and can't even begin to fathom how I could possibly manage with this disease without this surgery--things aren't easy but I know it would have been so much more difficult if I still had all my weight.
I've gone on to college, and there had an amazing group of friends who understood weight struggles, never judged me for my WLS and together we were anti-sizest advocates.
I graduated, am now engaged to a wonderful man who loves me and my body in whatever form it's in!
Since my surgery my grandmother has had the operation, and now my cousin and aunt are going in for it. I wish them the best of luck and know that it will be so worth it for their health! -- I know it was for mine.
0 comments
I can't begin to chronicle how my life has changed or what has passed since I last wrote on here.
In short:
I have MS and can't even begin to fathom how I could possibly manage with this disease without this surgery--things aren't easy but I know it would have been so much more difficult if I still had all my weight.
I've gone on to college, and there had an amazing group of friends who understood weight struggles, never judged me for my WLS and together we were anti-sizest advocates.
I graduated, am now engaged to a wonderful man who loves me and my body in whatever form it's in!
Since my surgery my grandmother has had the operation, and now my cousin and aunt are going in for it. I wish them the best of luck and know that it will be so worth it for their health! -- I know it was for mine.
Pre-Op to 12/21/05
Date________Weight__________BMI
12/21/05..........156..........................27.6
07/19/05..........160.........................28.3
11/08/04..........194.........................34.4
7/22/04...........220.........................39.0
6/28/04...........232.........................41.1
Pre-Op............248.........................43.9
12/21/05
I haven't updated in a long time, I've been at college and really have not had much time to myself to do anything independent thinking. I'm at 156 now, which is 90 lbs from where I started and i've very happy with myself, almost
I posted on the message board here, about this too.
I'm so happy when i see myself with my clothes on, but now its getting to the point where that doesn't really matter because all i can seem to see is the gross skin that I know is underneath it.
I feel so vain for complaining about it. I told my mother and she brushed me off, and that made me feel even worse about it. I took a loan out when I started school for my mom to have her hernia surgery and a tummy tuck. But now she says she doesn't know when she'll be able to get around to having her surgery. And it's kind of making me bitter that I have all this money, and no one is even using it. So then I feel ever worse about myself. I'm not a vain person, never was, I just hate feeling bad about my body after all i've come through to get this far. And now i don't really have anyone to talk to about it now that my mother is brushing me off and making me feel like i'm being vain. When I posted on the messageboard here, people agreed that I am young and I should have the right to want to be happy with my body, I just still feel guilty for that.
I feel so stupid for caring about things like this, but I've never even had a boyfriend before, and even when my friends and I talk about boys, all I can see in my head is all this skin and then not even feel like I should have the right to think about such things. And this is how I used to feel about all my weight. I'm so much happier than I was before, now i'm just afraid i'm never going to really be happy with myself.
I haven't seen doctor randall for a long time, I need to make an appointment with him, but all he'll do is weigh me. Maybe I would feel better if I went and talked to him.
07/19/05
So much has happened since I last updated, that which is too much to write about. But in short I am now 160 lbs, and a year and a month post-op. I am doing very well, except for my ms, for I am in my first month of recovery from my 2nd official exacerbation. Nonetheless I will be starting SMith College in the fall, which I am psyched about! I wore my first halter top the other day, and did so being able to wear a clear strapped bra. That was quite exciting. I am able to fit into children's large t-shirts, which I am able to stock up on, especially from the disney store where I get lots of little mermaid tops =D
11.8.04 PART II
Ok, I updated earlier today, but I thought I would share something I wrote. I wrote it on my way home from college one of the days before I went into the hospital the first time in September. I wrote it cuz I was thinking about reapplying to colleges. After I wrote it I realized its a lot more personal than just a college admissions essay. I know its "my story" but it think its pretty universal to anyone who has known the emotional pain that follows the course of obesity. Anyway, enough of an intro, here it is:
Confessions… of a “fat” girl (crude title, but I thought i needed one that would get the attention of the admissions people, it may change...)
“Finish your meal, there are starving children in Africa!”
No, my mother never said that. Maybe the phrase seemed cliché to her. Perhaps she took offense, since my father was African. Or maybe there was just no need for it. As a child, I never went hungry. It was not funny then, and it is not funny now. But in the media and much too often in reality, the object of comic relief is in the fool, the failure; the “fatty.” To grow up staring at the reflection of that very person is disheartening. For, despite the disguise layers of lipids provide, chubby cheeks too taste the anguish of tears, while hoping to escape this shell.
As a child I was carefree, energetic, and outspoken. But that was then. If I could, I would step back, freeze time, and hug that little girl. I would hold her close, and I do not know that I could let her go, because I do not know if she will ever be prepared for what would come next.
I was “fat.” To explain it any differently would not be crude enough. The word if used “right” deafens the ear and singes the heart. And it was a word the boys I knew liked. It must have been sweet to spit out. Unfortunately, it was always being spat at me. Sure they were boys, but I was human, and it hurt. It started with one boy and spread infectiously, to even my younger brother, “Fat! Fat! Fat!” I slapped and pinched to keep them back, like wolves snapping at frightened prey. Yet attempts were futile. So, the verbal torture went too far, and scarred too deep. Only at home could I cry.
But where had this “fat” come from? It was as if overnight I glanced in the mirror and saw a completely different person. I hated her. I glared at my reflection, at the unshapely rolls that had formed and the unnoticed curve of my breast. Their words stopped eventually, immaturity ran its course, and I moved on and up academically. But, I was left with the knowledge that I was anything but the girl I once knew and loved. No, she had never existed.
Years have passed, my accomplishments becoming innumerous. My high school teachers remember me as quiet, reserved, and studious. But I knew differently. And so, I went to a doctor, a nice man. I let him rearrange my innards, and now I am thin. Well, not thin, but I am getting there, working my way slowly but surely. Part of me wants to find each of those boys who stole my identity, and show them the scars they have left on my life. Sometimes I become so frustrated I want to scream. But there is no one left to scream at, and so all I do is cry.
It will never be enough for them, but it is for me, to know I have done something to change my life. Finally I can take back my emotions and try to heal the salted wounds of time. But I am not alone. My mother new this same story, and her mother, and hers. Yet each time it is different, the brand hotter, burning the flesh a bit more. But, I can say I have made every honest attempt to redeem myself, for me. I admit that the scars are still there. But more importantly I am learning to love me, from the inside out. Loving every inch of my being. Not because I am thin, or for anyone else, but because I am me. I am learning now to love even my scars too.
11.8.04
Wow the last time I updated I weighed 220 lbs, has it really been that long?
I currently weigh in at 194, meaning I finally broke into the 100s!!! WOW, its been a long time!
Let me tell you so much has happened since this summer. I started college, was hospitalized twice from a "mysterious illness" was diagnosed with Multiple sclerosis, left the hospital, took a leave of abscence from college, was hospitalized again, and now here I am at home. My birthday is in a little over week and I'm prayign I don't end up in teh hospital again for that. My ms has really interrupted my life, I'm just glad that I don't have my weight as another issue weighing in on my my life anymore, cuz frankly I don't know if I could take it! I'm doing okay though, honestly, its hard and frustrating but I have a lot of support from most of my family, especially my parents and my aunt. My aunt even drove up with my two cousins from PA to see me and how I was doing. So I'm trying to keep everything on the up and up.
With all these hospitalizations I am yet to see Dr. Randall for my 3 month follow up, which is now gonna be like a 5 month follow up, lol.
My hair is falling out, fortunately my hair is very thick so its not very noticeable. I do have a problem getting in all the protein I should be eating. IT seems now everytime I eat meat now I feel like its too salty or something, even when its not salted. I don't know why, and then I just can't stand to eat it, which is part of the reason I'm having a hard to keeping up on my protein.
Well, that's all I have to say for today, I will try to update more often! =D
7.22.04
Today was the anniversary of my mom's surgery... YAY mommy!!! =D
Lately I've been really depressed and miserable. I don't know if it has to do with the surgery or not. I am bipolar and I already go through serious depressions without the added bonus of being 4-5 weeks out of the hospital. I don't have a visit with my pcp for a med change for a while, and I keep playing telephone tag with my psychologist. I called a help line the other night, cuz i was realy hysterical. I hope things go ok, i think its just that college is coming and everything is overwhelming me right now. Like I've told my friends and stuff, i don't think i was ready for high school to end and for life to begin so suddenly.
Don't get me wrong, I feel I was perfectly fine to have this surgery, and i wouldn't take it back for the world, i just think so much is now happening that I'm finding it hard to seperate everything and to think clearly... hmmmm...
food for thought...
7.1.04
god bless my friend leah, but i have to post this:
Freakydeakynessa: o i've lost 18 lbs
Baadz Maroo: im random what can i say
Baadz Maroo: wowwwwww
Baadz Maroo: so how's it feel? =)
Freakydeakynessa: the same
Freakydeakynessa: my mom sees a difference in me, but i dont
Baadz Maroo: how come?
Baadz Maroo: damn I would see a difference lol
Freakydeakynessa: i dunno, when my mom lost the weight she didn't see it in herself either, adn she still doesn't notice it
Freakydeakynessa: but its realy drastic
Baadz Maroo: i know
Baadz Maroo: well think about this...u know the bags of potatoes? those are five pounds
Baadz Maroo: so u lost almost 4 bags of potatoes
Baadz Maroo: lol
6.29.04
So, I went to see dr. randall for my post op check up, and everything is a-ok! I lost 16 lbs according to his scales and he thought that was purty impressive. There are still two more weeks until I can start swimming, but thats still cool. I can finally stop living off the carnation shakes and eat some real food! yay! even though I have been eating some food for a while. I really havent had much trouble, that is except for that one day when I got something stuck. THat was the most horrible feeling. Now i know not to eat ham, for a while, if at all. Don't worry I'm chewing right small bites and chewing a million times. I think the ham just lumped together. Anyway, other than that everything is fine. Popsicles are the best by the way! lol!
6.23.04
Well, well, well, its been a little over a week since my surgery on Monday June 14th 2004. And I must say I had a wonderful experience. I wasn't not nervous or scared at all, I knew I wanted it more than anything and here I am now. The nurses and aids in the hospital were all wonderful, and it didn't hurt that my mother stayed with me the whole time. I want to thank everyone who has supported me, especially to my new friend and angel, Cindy. Thank you so much for coming to see me, that was the sweetest thing to do. I absolutely adore the cute stuffed fishy you gave me, I've appropriately named him "SHELDON," lol!
The first few days in hospital were all a blurr, being doped up on morphine I guess I looked and was acting pretty funny in my hospital bed. Then I think on my third day they took me off the morphine bump and i started to come around. The pain was tolerable, I was just very uncomfortable, which I still am and have a hard time sleeping. I must say that the worst part about the whole thing was the gas pain I had on my last few days in the hospital and my first few days at home. It was only a couple days but was quite painful. As advised by the nurses I walked up and down the hallways of my floor to try to help it pass. That was funny, mom and i walking up and down the halls at 3 in morning, everyone thought my mom was a patient too with her pjs on.
So, now that is been a while since the surgery I'm still doing pretty good. Like I said when I sleep I have a hard time, laying flat, or on my side my stomach hurts or i just feel incredibly uncomfortable. I hope that passes soon too. I absolutely hate the carnation instant breakfast shakes, why does it only have to be chocolate, ahhh! lol I've lost 14 lbs last time I checked. And my mom keeps saying I'm starting to melt away. WELL, ttfn, thank you all again, bye Vanessa
6.13.04
Well, tomorrow is my surgery, ah, not too scared or nervous but more excited. I know its gonna be hard the first few weeks but I know its all gonna be worth it, which I am psyched about. Again I want to thank everyone who has supported me, you guys are incredible. It really does feel like one big family here, I'm forever grateful to you all!
Lemme tell u, i started my milk of magnesia yesterday and today and my butt is on fire. Word to the wise, after taking 4 tbs do not go to the beach, and if so, stay close to a bathroom! lol!
Aww I love u all, see you on the losing side! God bless u all!
6.11.04
MY INSURANCE CO APPROVED MY SURGERY!!! WHOO-HOO! AIN'T NO STOPPING ME NOW! HELLO THIN, HEALTHY ME!!!
6.10.04
Graduation was yesterday, I'm free. Surgery is on monday, and if i don't get a phone call tomorrow from the insurance co or dr randall's office than my surgery is approved!!! IF i can sweat it through tomorrow i'll be okay. OK, the reason for this entry is because I want to give a big:
THANK YOU
To everyone who has supported me personally, privately, and that includes all u awesome people who have reached out through emails. I LOVE U ALL!!!
5.27.04
High school is over FOREVER, and now its the surgery date that is looming so close before me. Honestly I'm not scared or even nervous about going under the knife. I understand its going to be very hard, and for a time it will be very painful, but i know how much this is worth it to me.
What I do fear at this point is that it will not happen. For me things always never end up going the way i want them to, I know u can't have everything in life. I just feel like everything that I want never happens... but anyway, my point is that i'm afriad i'm not going to end up having the surgery. The people at dr. randall's office say that GIC Indemnity usually doesn't give much trouble approving people for the surgery. BUt being that i'm only 17, maybe they'll see things differently. Dr. Crump just sent my letter to Dr. Randall's office, so they should be putting stuff through to the insurance co soon. On a good note, shouldi have trouble getting it through ihabe new diagnosises such as a diagnosed knee condition, high bp, a skin condition relavent to my weight. So, all I can do now is hope and pray...
2 1/2 weeks and counting...
5.17.04
Well I have 2 weeks of school left and less than a month before my surgery. I'm really not nervous, maybe it j ust hasn't really hit me yet. But I am a little concerned abuot when i go to see dr. randall. I've gained ten pounds since i last saw him. My mom's weight shifted with her water retention and he was really upset with her. BUt i've gained not one, not two , but TEN pounds. I've tried to do what erica told me, and at first i lost five lbs, but i don't know what happened and suddenly i'm up again. Maybe its because i've been taking ativan and klonapin recently to battle my anxiety... now that i think of it, that could very well be the cause. I hope this doesn't show him that i'm not ready for the surgery, moreso i think it shows my NEED for it. Deep breath, it'll be okay nessa, it'll be okay... less than a month, and i'm on my way!!!
3.26.04 Its been a month since I have last updated and I've got big news, my surgery date has been scheduled, its June 14th. That's just five days after my high school graduation. I'm so psyched. But the news didn't come at the best time. I had just found out that I was waitlisted to my first choice college so i was feeling bummed, so i didn't get the full fledged feeling of excitement that i should have. But i'm excited now. I've kept off five lbs since i saw Erica and I hope my scale is right so doctor randall doesn't get mad at me like he did with my mom cuz she had gained a lb or two (it was actuall fluid retention that she lost that night when she took her water pill). Anyway..... yay!
2.25.04
I had my appointment with Erica the nutritionist today. She helped me put together a meal plan and stuff, she was so sweet! Well next i have my appointment with the psychiatrist Dr. Crump, my insurance co won't cover that visit, so my mom is gonna do it out of her pocket cuz visits with Dr. Crump might be more persuasive with the insurance co. lets hope so!
2.24.04
So I guess i've gained more weight, or my scale read wrong, whatever it doesn't matter. I was really upset at first, but today I had my consulation with Dr. Randall. It was awesome, it all seemed so final, like not only is this really happening, but NO THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING! Ahhh, i was so afraid when i told him about my thoughts about suicide a while back that he would change his mind. But i had to be honest, i'm not gonna start off on this long trek feeling guilty. And im not ashamed to say i've been through this, cuz i've come pretty far and i'm proud that i'm that far from this point. So i'm gonna have the surgery and it may be right after my graduation. Now i just have to get through my freaking insurance co... here goes....:deep breath:.....btw while i was at the visit i found out that i have high blood pressure so now i have to have an appointment with my pediatrician to have it monitored.
1.28.04
Well, i went with my mother for her 6 month check up with Dr. Randall and they talked about her and then my mom told him how my PCP enthusiastically believed I should have the surgery and had given a referral. He was like GREAT and then he went out with us and had Diane move me to a date in the book, I am now scheduled for a FEBRUARY 24th consulation! I am so psyched, this is so real now. I was so afraid everything would have been halted at square one. But this is really moving along and in a few months i'll become ANOTHER PERSON, lol! And i guess i'm not the only one that is shocked about this and to quote my friend, "aw man...wow it is happening"
oh "i'm lovin' it!"
1.26.04
Hiddee-ho! More good news to bring! Today was my visit with my PCP. And to tell you the truth i was dead sure she was not going to refer me for this surgery. I had this letter all set for her and everything, here he's how the letter goes:
...and here's what happened instead of the planned out uptight way vanessa thought it would go. Doctor Hayes finished talkign to me about my GERD (which was the orginal reason i was there) and said, "is there anything else you want to know." then she stopped and noticed my mom and said "wow u look wonderful, u've lost so much weight" my mom explained she had had gbs. Dr hayes is stunned and says, "I FULLY SUPPORT THAT SURGERY" my mom goes ( i this is a lot of she said and then she said, but it gets to a point) "well that's one of the reason's we're here." We explained our interest in the surgery and i gave her the note and she didn't even have to read it,she knodded her head and said, "YES DEFINITLY" and from there completely forgot about filling my Rx and went right to writing the consult form. She said to find out what we needed to have to him, and then presto, i'm in with him and with the insurance co! I am so psyched!!! THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING! HALLELUJAH!
1.24.04
So i told one of my best friends the other day about by decision and my success with Dr. Randall. She started asking me about how this surgery was going to interfere with my life. I see this as being a hard process, but one that is not going to intefere with my life, but to jumpstart it. I want to strip myself of all these lbs and show the world what is inside, because people can be heartless and are not willing to see what you have to bring to the table, based on your physical appearance alone. Man, its going to be hard to wait for this, even just for the consulation alone, i'm so anxious. I have made a list of my comorbidities and my attempts at dieting and it was longer than i thought it was originally. My only fear right now is about my PCP. Of course since i'm under 18 i still have a pediatrician, and ive known her for a long time. I don't think she is the type to approve of this type of surgery. So i'm going to try to follow what this site says and try to inform her of all my problems and of the surgery itself. She doesn't even belive in mental disorders, and when i told her about my bipolar disorder she started telling me about how it was crazy to believe that sort of thing. So i hope that she's at least a little more receptive to wls..:crosses fingers:.
1.22.04 UPDATE
OMG so i went to the meeting, wanna know what happened? ok so here it goes...
My mom and i got there at a little aftr 6:30 and the meeting was already in progress.I was so nervous but calmed down as i listend to the conversation. I understood a lot of what the people were saying because I had seen my mother go through it. But sometimes I couldn't believe it when a couple of the people who were slender and incredibly fit got up there and gave a testimonial of how they lost 200 lbs. I mean its one thing to see in pictures, but to actually see this person up in front of you with their picture being passed around the room, it just seems so much more real! It was awesome. But as 8:00 rolled around it was really getting to me, i was dreading the idea of getting the negative response from dr. randall. In my mnd i could just see him shaking his head and saying "no" and then giving some reason about 17 being such an immature age. OMG i would die, my knee was jiggling spasmatically as i tried to calm down the anxiety attack that was making my whole body shake. And finally they announced for people to come up and get schedules for the future meeting dates, and the meeting was over. It had come the tme for me to ask, i swore i was going to throw up(i don't know how i didn't!). But my mom came up with me and we waitedfor him to finish talking to all these other people who had surrounded him with questions. ANd then finally we asked him. As my mom explained the situation he looked at me,
"How old are you?"
"17"... omg i knew it was over right there.
"How tall are you?"
"5'2"
"How much do you weigh?"
"235"
"ok"....... and then it was over and that was it, and after he explained how i would need a consultation, a pcp referral, and 6 months with a psychologist and a nutritionist, it was over. And it didn't fully sink in until i left the building. I had been so prepared to breakdown right in front of him, that i didn't even know how to act, when it was the positive. Until I got in the car where I just sat there and then turned to my mom and was like "OMG MOM OMG I"M GOING TO HAVE THIS SURGERY!"
The whole way home, and even right now i'm riding this natural high. I'm so happy. I just wish i could tell my friends. This is perhaps the most important thing in my life, and i can't even tell them, cuz they'll just think i'm overacting and being stupid. I wish my friends could understand at least a little bit. I wish they could have understood when i went through my depression and mania, and i wish that they could help me through this now. I know they will help me when the time comes, but still, its gonna hurt to have this huge incredible life altering secret that I can't even tell my best friends. Doesn't it suck to live in a world that extra weight makes you feel so different that you can't even connect with beings of the same species?
1.22.04
So today I'm going to that meeting, at 6:00, its been going through my brain all day, i don't know how i made it through the day in school. I'm so scared, i really am, what if he says no? then all these months of living on hope were in vain and i'm back to waiting for my liberation from this body, like i told my friend, I don't think i can wait, I need this. I remember when i was 11 and weighed 180 I was so afraid to start middle school. I had been tortured all through elementary school, and I feared even worse would come as I moved into a bigger school. I vowed i would lose at least twenty lbs by the end of the summer before school. But as I stepped on the scale in september, the numbers mocked me, 181. Now here I am and I'll be starting college in the fall, i don't want to be disappointed again. I'm so miserable in this body, and i'm just so afraid that all these health problems are going to really start piling up, like they have started already. Tears have become my best friends and I know that i'm just going to plunge into depression if this doesnt work out. I hate this, i'm bipolar and its not like i can just guide myself out of this, i dont' understand my own feelings, how do i tell myself that this will work out, when at this time it hasn't? omg listen to me i sound as if i've already talked to dr. Randall. Oh man im so scared. ANd it sux because I have no friends who understand what i'm going through to support me. I have my mother and this wonderful person I have met through this site, Krissy and it helps. But it would be really nice to have some support from those people too ya know? When I first told them about the idea for me to have the surgery, they looked at me like i had five heads asked me y i wanted to do THAT and then irritably dropped the subject. =( I have to say a little prayer before I leave for the meeting today, please wish me luck!
1.21.04
I've been coming to this site for a while now, talking to some of the people here and just getting any aid i possibly can in educating myself about Gastric Bypass surgery. I'm obese, i've always been as my mohter said once when i was little "chunky", but I never really realized the reality of it until I stepped on the scale and finally saw a number that I could not believe I would ever reach. At 17 I weighed in at 235 with a bmi of 42, morbidly obese, and in long line of obese people, i knew that this was just the tip of the iceberg. As always I cried and cried and cried at finding myself heavier than before. My mother had the surgery in June of 2003. As I lay on my mother's bed crying my eyes out to the woman who was slowly diminishing in front of me, words I never thought would come out of her mouth came out. And at that instant it all made sense to me that maybe just maybe that everything was that simple. She had suggested that I have the surgery. And then maybe the acid reflux, incontinence, ankle, back, knee pain, inability to do anything physical and a long line of other co-morbidities could just go away with the aid of surgery. In front of my eyes I was seeing it working for my mother, why not for me?
And so my mother talked to her doctor in September at her first check up after her surgery and came home with great news for me, he said he would do it on me at 17. I was ecstatic and some ease came over me and i felt that there was a light at the end of the tunnel for all the depression and misery i felt in this body.
Everything ran smooth until my mother arranged to set up my consultation. Her doctor, Dr. Sheldon Randall's secretary told us that he had suddenly changed his mind and would only perform the surgery on people 21 years or older. Immediatley i was crushed. And being that Randall was the only one my mother trusted, there was no other doctor even in question. But, then again in the back of our minds lurked the suspicion that these were perhaps not his words. His secretary was not to be somewhat snooty. Of course being optimistic me (when my meds are working, lol) this all of a sudden has overinflated my confidence. So my mother found out when the next group meeting was and we figured we could go and plan to talk to him ourselves to find out the truth. THE NEXT MEETING IS TOMORROW!!! I don't know what to think, i'm nervous, anxious, aprehensive. Basically I'm terrified that he'll say "NO". What will I do then? Oh please, please don't let him refuse me. PLEASE!
ABOUT VANESSA
I am here because bascially I have been overweight all my life, and it is within the last few years that my weight has taken a sharp turn for the worse and i have gained innumerous lbs from my medications in addition to those i already considered a part of myself. I can't say I was ever once thin and beautiful, but I remember as a child there was a time when I loved me. But that is long gone to days of torment and disgust with myself. Furthemore I feel so selfish for feeling this way sometimes, because i know there are people far worse off than me. But I know should I let this go now I will end up far worse off than i am now. And so i am here, surrounded by the love and support of my peers as I climb this mountain past obesity and claw at the bars of the caged that has trapped the thinner healthier me.
12/21/05..........156..........................27.6
07/19/05..........160.........................28.3
11/08/04..........194.........................34.4
7/22/04...........220.........................39.0
6/28/04...........232.........................41.1
Pre-Op............248.........................43.9
12/21/05
I haven't updated in a long time, I've been at college and really have not had much time to myself to do anything independent thinking. I'm at 156 now, which is 90 lbs from where I started and i've very happy with myself, almost
I posted on the message board here, about this too.
I'm so happy when i see myself with my clothes on, but now its getting to the point where that doesn't really matter because all i can seem to see is the gross skin that I know is underneath it.
I feel so vain for complaining about it. I told my mother and she brushed me off, and that made me feel even worse about it. I took a loan out when I started school for my mom to have her hernia surgery and a tummy tuck. But now she says she doesn't know when she'll be able to get around to having her surgery. And it's kind of making me bitter that I have all this money, and no one is even using it. So then I feel ever worse about myself. I'm not a vain person, never was, I just hate feeling bad about my body after all i've come through to get this far. And now i don't really have anyone to talk to about it now that my mother is brushing me off and making me feel like i'm being vain. When I posted on the messageboard here, people agreed that I am young and I should have the right to want to be happy with my body, I just still feel guilty for that.
I feel so stupid for caring about things like this, but I've never even had a boyfriend before, and even when my friends and I talk about boys, all I can see in my head is all this skin and then not even feel like I should have the right to think about such things. And this is how I used to feel about all my weight. I'm so much happier than I was before, now i'm just afraid i'm never going to really be happy with myself.
I haven't seen doctor randall for a long time, I need to make an appointment with him, but all he'll do is weigh me. Maybe I would feel better if I went and talked to him.
07/19/05
So much has happened since I last updated, that which is too much to write about. But in short I am now 160 lbs, and a year and a month post-op. I am doing very well, except for my ms, for I am in my first month of recovery from my 2nd official exacerbation. Nonetheless I will be starting SMith College in the fall, which I am psyched about! I wore my first halter top the other day, and did so being able to wear a clear strapped bra. That was quite exciting. I am able to fit into children's large t-shirts, which I am able to stock up on, especially from the disney store where I get lots of little mermaid tops =D
11.8.04 PART II
Ok, I updated earlier today, but I thought I would share something I wrote. I wrote it on my way home from college one of the days before I went into the hospital the first time in September. I wrote it cuz I was thinking about reapplying to colleges. After I wrote it I realized its a lot more personal than just a college admissions essay. I know its "my story" but it think its pretty universal to anyone who has known the emotional pain that follows the course of obesity. Anyway, enough of an intro, here it is:
Confessions… of a “fat” girl (crude title, but I thought i needed one that would get the attention of the admissions people, it may change...)
“Finish your meal, there are starving children in Africa!”
No, my mother never said that. Maybe the phrase seemed cliché to her. Perhaps she took offense, since my father was African. Or maybe there was just no need for it. As a child, I never went hungry. It was not funny then, and it is not funny now. But in the media and much too often in reality, the object of comic relief is in the fool, the failure; the “fatty.” To grow up staring at the reflection of that very person is disheartening. For, despite the disguise layers of lipids provide, chubby cheeks too taste the anguish of tears, while hoping to escape this shell.
As a child I was carefree, energetic, and outspoken. But that was then. If I could, I would step back, freeze time, and hug that little girl. I would hold her close, and I do not know that I could let her go, because I do not know if she will ever be prepared for what would come next.
I was “fat.” To explain it any differently would not be crude enough. The word if used “right” deafens the ear and singes the heart. And it was a word the boys I knew liked. It must have been sweet to spit out. Unfortunately, it was always being spat at me. Sure they were boys, but I was human, and it hurt. It started with one boy and spread infectiously, to even my younger brother, “Fat! Fat! Fat!” I slapped and pinched to keep them back, like wolves snapping at frightened prey. Yet attempts were futile. So, the verbal torture went too far, and scarred too deep. Only at home could I cry.
But where had this “fat” come from? It was as if overnight I glanced in the mirror and saw a completely different person. I hated her. I glared at my reflection, at the unshapely rolls that had formed and the unnoticed curve of my breast. Their words stopped eventually, immaturity ran its course, and I moved on and up academically. But, I was left with the knowledge that I was anything but the girl I once knew and loved. No, she had never existed.
Years have passed, my accomplishments becoming innumerous. My high school teachers remember me as quiet, reserved, and studious. But I knew differently. And so, I went to a doctor, a nice man. I let him rearrange my innards, and now I am thin. Well, not thin, but I am getting there, working my way slowly but surely. Part of me wants to find each of those boys who stole my identity, and show them the scars they have left on my life. Sometimes I become so frustrated I want to scream. But there is no one left to scream at, and so all I do is cry.
It will never be enough for them, but it is for me, to know I have done something to change my life. Finally I can take back my emotions and try to heal the salted wounds of time. But I am not alone. My mother new this same story, and her mother, and hers. Yet each time it is different, the brand hotter, burning the flesh a bit more. But, I can say I have made every honest attempt to redeem myself, for me. I admit that the scars are still there. But more importantly I am learning to love me, from the inside out. Loving every inch of my being. Not because I am thin, or for anyone else, but because I am me. I am learning now to love even my scars too.
11.8.04
Wow the last time I updated I weighed 220 lbs, has it really been that long?
I currently weigh in at 194, meaning I finally broke into the 100s!!! WOW, its been a long time!
Let me tell you so much has happened since this summer. I started college, was hospitalized twice from a "mysterious illness" was diagnosed with Multiple sclerosis, left the hospital, took a leave of abscence from college, was hospitalized again, and now here I am at home. My birthday is in a little over week and I'm prayign I don't end up in teh hospital again for that. My ms has really interrupted my life, I'm just glad that I don't have my weight as another issue weighing in on my my life anymore, cuz frankly I don't know if I could take it! I'm doing okay though, honestly, its hard and frustrating but I have a lot of support from most of my family, especially my parents and my aunt. My aunt even drove up with my two cousins from PA to see me and how I was doing. So I'm trying to keep everything on the up and up.
With all these hospitalizations I am yet to see Dr. Randall for my 3 month follow up, which is now gonna be like a 5 month follow up, lol.
My hair is falling out, fortunately my hair is very thick so its not very noticeable. I do have a problem getting in all the protein I should be eating. IT seems now everytime I eat meat now I feel like its too salty or something, even when its not salted. I don't know why, and then I just can't stand to eat it, which is part of the reason I'm having a hard to keeping up on my protein.
Well, that's all I have to say for today, I will try to update more often! =D
7.22.04
Today was the anniversary of my mom's surgery... YAY mommy!!! =D
Lately I've been really depressed and miserable. I don't know if it has to do with the surgery or not. I am bipolar and I already go through serious depressions without the added bonus of being 4-5 weeks out of the hospital. I don't have a visit with my pcp for a med change for a while, and I keep playing telephone tag with my psychologist. I called a help line the other night, cuz i was realy hysterical. I hope things go ok, i think its just that college is coming and everything is overwhelming me right now. Like I've told my friends and stuff, i don't think i was ready for high school to end and for life to begin so suddenly.
Don't get me wrong, I feel I was perfectly fine to have this surgery, and i wouldn't take it back for the world, i just think so much is now happening that I'm finding it hard to seperate everything and to think clearly... hmmmm...
food for thought...
7.1.04
god bless my friend leah, but i have to post this:
Freakydeakynessa: o i've lost 18 lbs
Baadz Maroo: im random what can i say
Baadz Maroo: wowwwwww
Baadz Maroo: so how's it feel? =)
Freakydeakynessa: the same
Freakydeakynessa: my mom sees a difference in me, but i dont
Baadz Maroo: how come?
Baadz Maroo: damn I would see a difference lol
Freakydeakynessa: i dunno, when my mom lost the weight she didn't see it in herself either, adn she still doesn't notice it
Freakydeakynessa: but its realy drastic
Baadz Maroo: i know
Baadz Maroo: well think about this...u know the bags of potatoes? those are five pounds
Baadz Maroo: so u lost almost 4 bags of potatoes
Baadz Maroo: lol
6.29.04
So, I went to see dr. randall for my post op check up, and everything is a-ok! I lost 16 lbs according to his scales and he thought that was purty impressive. There are still two more weeks until I can start swimming, but thats still cool. I can finally stop living off the carnation shakes and eat some real food! yay! even though I have been eating some food for a while. I really havent had much trouble, that is except for that one day when I got something stuck. THat was the most horrible feeling. Now i know not to eat ham, for a while, if at all. Don't worry I'm chewing right small bites and chewing a million times. I think the ham just lumped together. Anyway, other than that everything is fine. Popsicles are the best by the way! lol!
6.23.04
Well, well, well, its been a little over a week since my surgery on Monday June 14th 2004. And I must say I had a wonderful experience. I wasn't not nervous or scared at all, I knew I wanted it more than anything and here I am now. The nurses and aids in the hospital were all wonderful, and it didn't hurt that my mother stayed with me the whole time. I want to thank everyone who has supported me, especially to my new friend and angel, Cindy. Thank you so much for coming to see me, that was the sweetest thing to do. I absolutely adore the cute stuffed fishy you gave me, I've appropriately named him "SHELDON," lol!
The first few days in hospital were all a blurr, being doped up on morphine I guess I looked and was acting pretty funny in my hospital bed. Then I think on my third day they took me off the morphine bump and i started to come around. The pain was tolerable, I was just very uncomfortable, which I still am and have a hard time sleeping. I must say that the worst part about the whole thing was the gas pain I had on my last few days in the hospital and my first few days at home. It was only a couple days but was quite painful. As advised by the nurses I walked up and down the hallways of my floor to try to help it pass. That was funny, mom and i walking up and down the halls at 3 in morning, everyone thought my mom was a patient too with her pjs on.
So, now that is been a while since the surgery I'm still doing pretty good. Like I said when I sleep I have a hard time, laying flat, or on my side my stomach hurts or i just feel incredibly uncomfortable. I hope that passes soon too. I absolutely hate the carnation instant breakfast shakes, why does it only have to be chocolate, ahhh! lol I've lost 14 lbs last time I checked. And my mom keeps saying I'm starting to melt away. WELL, ttfn, thank you all again, bye Vanessa
6.13.04
Well, tomorrow is my surgery, ah, not too scared or nervous but more excited. I know its gonna be hard the first few weeks but I know its all gonna be worth it, which I am psyched about. Again I want to thank everyone who has supported me, you guys are incredible. It really does feel like one big family here, I'm forever grateful to you all!
Lemme tell u, i started my milk of magnesia yesterday and today and my butt is on fire. Word to the wise, after taking 4 tbs do not go to the beach, and if so, stay close to a bathroom! lol!
Aww I love u all, see you on the losing side! God bless u all!
6.11.04
MY INSURANCE CO APPROVED MY SURGERY!!! WHOO-HOO! AIN'T NO STOPPING ME NOW! HELLO THIN, HEALTHY ME!!!
6.10.04
Graduation was yesterday, I'm free. Surgery is on monday, and if i don't get a phone call tomorrow from the insurance co or dr randall's office than my surgery is approved!!! IF i can sweat it through tomorrow i'll be okay. OK, the reason for this entry is because I want to give a big:
To everyone who has supported me personally, privately, and that includes all u awesome people who have reached out through emails. I LOVE U ALL!!!
5.27.04
High school is over FOREVER, and now its the surgery date that is looming so close before me. Honestly I'm not scared or even nervous about going under the knife. I understand its going to be very hard, and for a time it will be very painful, but i know how much this is worth it to me.
What I do fear at this point is that it will not happen. For me things always never end up going the way i want them to, I know u can't have everything in life. I just feel like everything that I want never happens... but anyway, my point is that i'm afriad i'm not going to end up having the surgery. The people at dr. randall's office say that GIC Indemnity usually doesn't give much trouble approving people for the surgery. BUt being that i'm only 17, maybe they'll see things differently. Dr. Crump just sent my letter to Dr. Randall's office, so they should be putting stuff through to the insurance co soon. On a good note, shouldi have trouble getting it through ihabe new diagnosises such as a diagnosed knee condition, high bp, a skin condition relavent to my weight. So, all I can do now is hope and pray...
2 1/2 weeks and counting...
5.17.04
Well I have 2 weeks of school left and less than a month before my surgery. I'm really not nervous, maybe it j ust hasn't really hit me yet. But I am a little concerned abuot when i go to see dr. randall. I've gained ten pounds since i last saw him. My mom's weight shifted with her water retention and he was really upset with her. BUt i've gained not one, not two , but TEN pounds. I've tried to do what erica told me, and at first i lost five lbs, but i don't know what happened and suddenly i'm up again. Maybe its because i've been taking ativan and klonapin recently to battle my anxiety... now that i think of it, that could very well be the cause. I hope this doesn't show him that i'm not ready for the surgery, moreso i think it shows my NEED for it. Deep breath, it'll be okay nessa, it'll be okay... less than a month, and i'm on my way!!!
3.26.04 Its been a month since I have last updated and I've got big news, my surgery date has been scheduled, its June 14th. That's just five days after my high school graduation. I'm so psyched. But the news didn't come at the best time. I had just found out that I was waitlisted to my first choice college so i was feeling bummed, so i didn't get the full fledged feeling of excitement that i should have. But i'm excited now. I've kept off five lbs since i saw Erica and I hope my scale is right so doctor randall doesn't get mad at me like he did with my mom cuz she had gained a lb or two (it was actuall fluid retention that she lost that night when she took her water pill). Anyway..... yay!
2.25.04
I had my appointment with Erica the nutritionist today. She helped me put together a meal plan and stuff, she was so sweet! Well next i have my appointment with the psychiatrist Dr. Crump, my insurance co won't cover that visit, so my mom is gonna do it out of her pocket cuz visits with Dr. Crump might be more persuasive with the insurance co. lets hope so!
2.24.04
So I guess i've gained more weight, or my scale read wrong, whatever it doesn't matter. I was really upset at first, but today I had my consulation with Dr. Randall. It was awesome, it all seemed so final, like not only is this really happening, but NO THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING! Ahhh, i was so afraid when i told him about my thoughts about suicide a while back that he would change his mind. But i had to be honest, i'm not gonna start off on this long trek feeling guilty. And im not ashamed to say i've been through this, cuz i've come pretty far and i'm proud that i'm that far from this point. So i'm gonna have the surgery and it may be right after my graduation. Now i just have to get through my freaking insurance co... here goes....:deep breath:.....btw while i was at the visit i found out that i have high blood pressure so now i have to have an appointment with my pediatrician to have it monitored.
1.28.04
Well, i went with my mother for her 6 month check up with Dr. Randall and they talked about her and then my mom told him how my PCP enthusiastically believed I should have the surgery and had given a referral. He was like GREAT and then he went out with us and had Diane move me to a date in the book, I am now scheduled for a FEBRUARY 24th consulation! I am so psyched, this is so real now. I was so afraid everything would have been halted at square one. But this is really moving along and in a few months i'll become ANOTHER PERSON, lol! And i guess i'm not the only one that is shocked about this and to quote my friend, "aw man...wow it is happening"
oh "i'm lovin' it!"
1.26.04
Hiddee-ho! More good news to bring! Today was my visit with my PCP. And to tell you the truth i was dead sure she was not going to refer me for this surgery. I had this letter all set for her and everything, here he's how the letter goes:
Dear Dr. Hayes,
I am asking you for your aid in assisting me one step forward to obtaining weight loss surgery. Though this motion may seem somewhat sudden and extreme it is after much debate and years of struggling with my weight that I have arrived at this decision.
From a young age I have struggled with the trials and embarrassment which comes with being overweight. I have made numerous attempts to better my situation both with dieting: Weight Watchers, Richard Simmons Food Mover, Slim Fast, Atkins, The Smart Technique, low-carb diet, and lowering food portions; and exercising: Bally's, Curves, Gazelle, Richard Simmons videos, volleyball, and powderpuff football (both which I was forced to quit after almost fainting and having shortness of breath upon exertion). Yet, despite my efforts I have become morbidly obese with a BMI of approximately 42.
But, it has not been simply the painful embarrassment which has been consequent but rather a long line of both documented and undocumented co-morbidities. These include lower back, knee, and ankle pain; GERD; fatigue; binge-eating; anxiety; acne; incontinence; fluid retention; heat disorder; shortness of breath upon exertion; decreased exercise tolerance; and severe depression.
I understand that by having this surgery I will be forced into an entirely altered lifestyle. More importantly, I understand that with this surgery comes many risks. But, regarding my current situation and family history of obesity related diabetes, heart disease, stroke, and ultimately death I know I must take action. I must make a step early to prevent my own history of following suit. By having this surgery I would be halting a set course from obesity to increased co-morbidities, and finally an early death. Having seen my mother through this same surgery I know that it is not a cosmetic procedure, but rather a medically based life decision with many ups and downs. Yet, even still I am willing to make this effort to reestablish myself as a thinner, healthier me. Should you have questions on the procedure itself I have information to share. I thank you for your help and support.
Sincerely,
Vanessa
...and here's what happened instead of the planned out uptight way vanessa thought it would go. Doctor Hayes finished talkign to me about my GERD (which was the orginal reason i was there) and said, "is there anything else you want to know." then she stopped and noticed my mom and said "wow u look wonderful, u've lost so much weight" my mom explained she had had gbs. Dr hayes is stunned and says, "I FULLY SUPPORT THAT SURGERY" my mom goes ( i this is a lot of she said and then she said, but it gets to a point) "well that's one of the reason's we're here." We explained our interest in the surgery and i gave her the note and she didn't even have to read it,she knodded her head and said, "YES DEFINITLY" and from there completely forgot about filling my Rx and went right to writing the consult form. She said to find out what we needed to have to him, and then presto, i'm in with him and with the insurance co! I am so psyched!!! THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING! HALLELUJAH!
1.24.04
So i told one of my best friends the other day about by decision and my success with Dr. Randall. She started asking me about how this surgery was going to interfere with my life. I see this as being a hard process, but one that is not going to intefere with my life, but to jumpstart it. I want to strip myself of all these lbs and show the world what is inside, because people can be heartless and are not willing to see what you have to bring to the table, based on your physical appearance alone. Man, its going to be hard to wait for this, even just for the consulation alone, i'm so anxious. I have made a list of my comorbidities and my attempts at dieting and it was longer than i thought it was originally. My only fear right now is about my PCP. Of course since i'm under 18 i still have a pediatrician, and ive known her for a long time. I don't think she is the type to approve of this type of surgery. So i'm going to try to follow what this site says and try to inform her of all my problems and of the surgery itself. She doesn't even belive in mental disorders, and when i told her about my bipolar disorder she started telling me about how it was crazy to believe that sort of thing. So i hope that she's at least a little more receptive to wls..:crosses fingers:.
1.22.04 UPDATE
OMG so i went to the meeting, wanna know what happened? ok so here it goes...
My mom and i got there at a little aftr 6:30 and the meeting was already in progress.I was so nervous but calmed down as i listend to the conversation. I understood a lot of what the people were saying because I had seen my mother go through it. But sometimes I couldn't believe it when a couple of the people who were slender and incredibly fit got up there and gave a testimonial of how they lost 200 lbs. I mean its one thing to see in pictures, but to actually see this person up in front of you with their picture being passed around the room, it just seems so much more real! It was awesome. But as 8:00 rolled around it was really getting to me, i was dreading the idea of getting the negative response from dr. randall. In my mnd i could just see him shaking his head and saying "no" and then giving some reason about 17 being such an immature age. OMG i would die, my knee was jiggling spasmatically as i tried to calm down the anxiety attack that was making my whole body shake. And finally they announced for people to come up and get schedules for the future meeting dates, and the meeting was over. It had come the tme for me to ask, i swore i was going to throw up(i don't know how i didn't!). But my mom came up with me and we waitedfor him to finish talking to all these other people who had surrounded him with questions. ANd then finally we asked him. As my mom explained the situation he looked at me,
"How old are you?"
"17"... omg i knew it was over right there.
"How tall are you?"
"5'2"
"How much do you weigh?"
"235"
"ok"....... and then it was over and that was it, and after he explained how i would need a consultation, a pcp referral, and 6 months with a psychologist and a nutritionist, it was over. And it didn't fully sink in until i left the building. I had been so prepared to breakdown right in front of him, that i didn't even know how to act, when it was the positive. Until I got in the car where I just sat there and then turned to my mom and was like "OMG MOM OMG I"M GOING TO HAVE THIS SURGERY!"
The whole way home, and even right now i'm riding this natural high. I'm so happy. I just wish i could tell my friends. This is perhaps the most important thing in my life, and i can't even tell them, cuz they'll just think i'm overacting and being stupid. I wish my friends could understand at least a little bit. I wish they could have understood when i went through my depression and mania, and i wish that they could help me through this now. I know they will help me when the time comes, but still, its gonna hurt to have this huge incredible life altering secret that I can't even tell my best friends. Doesn't it suck to live in a world that extra weight makes you feel so different that you can't even connect with beings of the same species?
1.22.04
So today I'm going to that meeting, at 6:00, its been going through my brain all day, i don't know how i made it through the day in school. I'm so scared, i really am, what if he says no? then all these months of living on hope were in vain and i'm back to waiting for my liberation from this body, like i told my friend, I don't think i can wait, I need this. I remember when i was 11 and weighed 180 I was so afraid to start middle school. I had been tortured all through elementary school, and I feared even worse would come as I moved into a bigger school. I vowed i would lose at least twenty lbs by the end of the summer before school. But as I stepped on the scale in september, the numbers mocked me, 181. Now here I am and I'll be starting college in the fall, i don't want to be disappointed again. I'm so miserable in this body, and i'm just so afraid that all these health problems are going to really start piling up, like they have started already. Tears have become my best friends and I know that i'm just going to plunge into depression if this doesnt work out. I hate this, i'm bipolar and its not like i can just guide myself out of this, i dont' understand my own feelings, how do i tell myself that this will work out, when at this time it hasn't? omg listen to me i sound as if i've already talked to dr. Randall. Oh man im so scared. ANd it sux because I have no friends who understand what i'm going through to support me. I have my mother and this wonderful person I have met through this site, Krissy and it helps. But it would be really nice to have some support from those people too ya know? When I first told them about the idea for me to have the surgery, they looked at me like i had five heads asked me y i wanted to do THAT and then irritably dropped the subject. =( I have to say a little prayer before I leave for the meeting today, please wish me luck!
1.21.04
I've been coming to this site for a while now, talking to some of the people here and just getting any aid i possibly can in educating myself about Gastric Bypass surgery. I'm obese, i've always been as my mohter said once when i was little "chunky", but I never really realized the reality of it until I stepped on the scale and finally saw a number that I could not believe I would ever reach. At 17 I weighed in at 235 with a bmi of 42, morbidly obese, and in long line of obese people, i knew that this was just the tip of the iceberg. As always I cried and cried and cried at finding myself heavier than before. My mother had the surgery in June of 2003. As I lay on my mother's bed crying my eyes out to the woman who was slowly diminishing in front of me, words I never thought would come out of her mouth came out. And at that instant it all made sense to me that maybe just maybe that everything was that simple. She had suggested that I have the surgery. And then maybe the acid reflux, incontinence, ankle, back, knee pain, inability to do anything physical and a long line of other co-morbidities could just go away with the aid of surgery. In front of my eyes I was seeing it working for my mother, why not for me?
And so my mother talked to her doctor in September at her first check up after her surgery and came home with great news for me, he said he would do it on me at 17. I was ecstatic and some ease came over me and i felt that there was a light at the end of the tunnel for all the depression and misery i felt in this body.
Everything ran smooth until my mother arranged to set up my consultation. Her doctor, Dr. Sheldon Randall's secretary told us that he had suddenly changed his mind and would only perform the surgery on people 21 years or older. Immediatley i was crushed. And being that Randall was the only one my mother trusted, there was no other doctor even in question. But, then again in the back of our minds lurked the suspicion that these were perhaps not his words. His secretary was not to be somewhat snooty. Of course being optimistic me (when my meds are working, lol) this all of a sudden has overinflated my confidence. So my mother found out when the next group meeting was and we figured we could go and plan to talk to him ourselves to find out the truth. THE NEXT MEETING IS TOMORROW!!! I don't know what to think, i'm nervous, anxious, aprehensive. Basically I'm terrified that he'll say "NO". What will I do then? Oh please, please don't let him refuse me. PLEASE!
ABOUT VANESSA
I am here because bascially I have been overweight all my life, and it is within the last few years that my weight has taken a sharp turn for the worse and i have gained innumerous lbs from my medications in addition to those i already considered a part of myself. I can't say I was ever once thin and beautiful, but I remember as a child there was a time when I loved me. But that is long gone to days of torment and disgust with myself. Furthemore I feel so selfish for feeling this way sometimes, because i know there are people far worse off than me. But I know should I let this go now I will end up far worse off than i am now. And so i am here, surrounded by the love and support of my peers as I climb this mountain past obesity and claw at the bars of the caged that has trapped the thinner healthier me.
About Me
Revere, MA
Location
23.9
BMI
Surgery
06/14/2004
Surgery Date
Dec 30, 2003
Member Since