newlife95

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Well...I'm on week 2 of mushy food.  I've become one with eggs, cottage cheese, oatmeal, tuna, a potato or two...and lots of SF kool-aid or Chrystal Light.  I'm ready to move on mentally...but I suppose it will be up to my doctor if I'm physically ready to move on.  

I've done really well so far.  I've had a couple of incidents where I have  not felt good after eating...but I can easily attribute it to eating too fast and not stopping when I feel full.  Eggs have been the culprit once and tuna was the other time.  I have not vomited...yet...and I'm so grateful for that.  I don't like doing that and I think I would like it even less if i was anywhere other than my house when it happens.  

Valentines day is tomorrow...I will be enjoying a potato at a friends house.  Better than tuna at home by myself that is for sure.  

I'm getting anxious to see some pounds disappear on the scale.  My 2 week check up on the 31st only saw a 5 pound loss since surgery which at first I was disappointed about but then we all realized I had lost 41 right before surgery so it made a little more sense.  All my measurements were smaller and that is a blessing indeed.  I go again on 2/28/08 and hopefully the scale will show a better difference.  If not...hopefully the measuring tape will show some enouraging news.  I'm doing what I think I should be doing and I'm not going off of my eating plan so I have peace of mind that I'm doing everything I can and I just need to be patient.  

I've noticed people looking at my body like they are expecting me to be skinny in 1 months time.  I tried to warn the people I work with before I came back that there is not much difference...yet!    Lots of them have noticed a weight loss since I've been back...that's always nice to hear from others.

Guess I should get busy with my cottage cheese...lunch is only 30 minutes!

I'm done rambling...this is my story so far...and I'm sticking to it!

I don't get it...I have been so weepy the past few nights...if there is something to worry about...I will find it and I will worry about it at 6:00 in the evening.   I have had a mental meltdown every night since I came home from the hospital.  I get so scared of possible complications, of affording everything I need to be successful at this journey, and my roommate just got married so I am worried about being home alone in the evenings....and not having my food to fill my time.  I hate that these mental meltdowns cause me to doubt my decision to have the surgery. 

I know it will all work out...like someone said in a book I just read....

the first 12 weeks suck....

My surgery was on the 15th.  It went well.  It took a bit longer than expected as my surgeon said I was a "big girl".  That wasn't exactly news to me.
My recovery went fine and I was allowed to go home on the 17th.  I've been a it overwhelmed with trying to figure out how to get my protein and water in each day.  I feel full really fast and the whole "stop eating 30 minutes before and no drinking for 30 minutes afterwards" really makes things hard at times.  I'm not getting near enough protein or water in and I'm not getting any calcium in...I can't handle the chewables.  I'm also downing Milk of Magnesia to try and get things moving inside again...it's been almost a week. 

I still don't regret the surgery...but I am still worried about doing this all by myself.  My mom has been here and she is leaving to go home tomorrow...so I'm on my own.  I've got lots of friends that care and will check in...

I hope I don't go into a depressed funk and cry my way through this journey!

Well...I sure have been lack in posting to this blog.  I'm on my last day of the liquid diet...well...the protein and water portion of it.  Tomorrow I have to do only clear liquids...I'm looking forward to a bowl of broth and a cup of jello! 

The journey so far has been interesting.  the last time I weighed in as the pre-op class I was down 17 lbs.  I know I've lost more than that since my liquid diet started.  I am going to try and get weighed at my doctors office tomorrow so I have a final pre-op weight.  I've lost a couple of inches around my hips...so that is exciting for me since I'm dealing with 73 inch hips!  I will say good riddence to those 2 and work hard at getting rid of a "few" more real soon!

I've gone through a lot of mind games.  The what-if's have been strong at times.  I'm trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I will eat normal again....it will be a different normal...but normal.  I keep thinking I will never eat anything again!  I'm just ready to move along with the surgery and learn to eat again and eventually live a life that my every thought does not revolve around food or my weight.  I know it will still be a while as I learn to eat again...but I pray one day it won't be near as life consuming as it is right now.  I'm sure some of those around me feel the same. 

Oh my...life is a changing!!!!!

11/13/07 
Had my psych appt today...started out kind of rough...I was really nervous!  I eventually settled down inside and we had a nice visit.  I truly believe I'm going into this with as much knowledge as I can possibly get...I feel like a sponge that is trying to soak up as much information as possible.  I go to my first support group tomorrow night...I'm hoping to meet some people that have gone through the surgery.  We will see what happens....

There is a lot of work ahead of me...it's gonna be a wide ride. 

I went to my nutritionist appt and exercise physiologist appt on the 7th.   It all went pretty well I suppose.  I lost 12 pounds since my consultation appointment.  I needed to lose more but I will take the 12 pound loss and own it and call it my own and keep moving on. 

I get to start in week 4 of my exercise program since I can feasibly walk 20 minutes at a time right now.  I don't walk that much very often because I have been very lazy but I can and so she is going to make me.  I think it's a good thing so I will work with her on it! 

My nutritionist went through the protein mix and vitamin explanations.  She also went through the types and amount of  foods I will be eating...I'm thankful that nothing really came as a big surprise.  By already knowing a lot of what she said, it told me I'm doing the research that I need to be doing to be an informed patient.  I don't want to be blind sided with anything...I want to know as much as possible about what to expect....before, during, and after!!!

I was given a large set of papers telling me a lot of stuff and my eating plans for post-op...I gave all my closest friends a copy...I want them to know what I will be going through and the rules I need to follow so when I go a bit crazy around the edges...they will remind me of what I need to be doing and why...I think it's important for the support group to be as informed as me. 

I go to my psych appointment on Tuesday the 13th and then I'm going to go to a support group through my dr's office on Wednesday.  I'm hoping to meet people who have had the surgery so I can just get an idea of how they are doing and how they feel about the decision they have made.  I have a strong feeling that the support system is going to be almost as important as following the eating rules when it comes to success with this journey I'm about to embark upon! 

Well...that is all for now.  My surgery date has been set for 1/15/08 so that is the big day...and when all is said and done...that is not that far away!  Only 66 days left as the old Jerri...then the new life will have a chance to begin.  I'm excited! 

Well...it's Sunday November 4th.  I have my appointment with the nut and the exercise person this week.  I'm hoping the nutritionist can kind of give me some assistance in figuring out a way to get some of this weight off now...if I don't get the BMI down some...Dr. say it's a deal breaker.  I seem to be able to get up and exercise easier than I can keep from eating the wrong things on what seems like every stinkin day of my life.  This may seem weird...but I find it harder to have options and having to make the correct choice than to have no options and having the choice already made for me.  Of course...this only pertains to food.  Other areas of my life...well I'm perfectly happy with having options and choices.  It's just the stinkin' food.  I guess that is true for many people in my same situation.  That's ok tho'...cause it is going to change. 

I hope to have a surgery date penciled in this week.  I don't know if they will make it before my psych consult which is on the 13th...but I'm going to try to set a date if they will let me.  I need something to look forward to. 

Wow...so here I sit on 10/27 and I'm getting anxious to get moving forward on this project/journey!  I am self pay so I can't do much until I walk in a check for $25,000 which hopefully I am less than a week away from doing that.  I want to get into see the nutritionist so I can find out what to expect pre-op and more importantly post-op.  I am not scared of the surgery...I'm scared to death of the emotional roller coaster that I anticipate riding afterwards.  I am a professional at "borrowing trouble".  I need to get involved in the OH community and find some friends that have "been there/done that" so I can find out what to expect from a person that has experienced the drama of it all!   

I keep thinking that I'm doing this to get healthy, to get off of the boat load of meds I'm on each day,and so that I can participate in life the way I've always wanted to...so when I achieve those...it's not like I can go ahead & undo the surgery....it's a keeper once it's done...it's just so stinkin final.  I think that is great because that is what makes it work long term as long as you cooperate...but I have such a hard time not thinking about that and wondering how I'm going to react at that point.  Wow..here I go borrowing trouble again!  I'm done rambling for now....

I am so new at this...I really have no idea how all this blogging and stuff works.  I'm a professional message board lurker...but I thought I bess become a participator since I plan on being amongst one of the troops by mid January 2008.  I will try to get some pictures up eventually... hopefully!
I went for my consult appointment 2 days ago and I have set my mind to do the surgery but I don't have a definite date set since I am a self pay and for some reason they would like some cash before they do too much...I just don't understand!   I should have a date set my Nov 1st.
In the mean time, as what appears to be normal, my doctor wants me to lose some weight before surgery for a couple reasons...to get me as healthy as possible...and to show some commitment on my part.  I thought this was a reasonable request....so that is what I will focus on while I do what has to be done to get this journey rollin'! 
I've decided that this entire process needs to be journaled...both by words and pictures...so I hope I figure out how this all works soon and I can meet some new friends to chit chat with and hopefully get some helpful advice for the challenges ahead of me. 
we shall see how it all goes...