ntredmfn
8/10/04 I am a father of two wonderful children (8yr old boy and 4yr old girl). I have just recently begun to have physical problems with my weight. I have back pain, numbness in my left leg and pain in my right (I am told is caused by pressure put on my spine by my weight), high blood pressure, sleep apnea, am on thyroid medication...but other than that, I am just fine! My greatest fear is that my children will grow up without a father, and I refuse to let that happen. I have tried everything, and feel that bariatric surgery is my last chance.
I want to be able to enjoy being active outdoors again, without having to sit down every 5 minutes because my back is killing me or I have to catch my breath. My family is very active, and would be even more so if I could as well. I want to be able to teach my son how to play sports and be able to play them with him. Like so many people whose profiles I have read, I am scared to do it, and scared not to. I can't even imagine a life being someone of normal size. Being able to sit in chairs with arms, not having to worry about what seat to sit in on an airplane (not having to get the seatbelt extension from the flight attendand), being able to just go to the mall and buy clothes off the rack... this all sounds like some fantasy that can't happen for me. Reading this back, it sounds like a real downer, but I don't feel like I am a depressed person. I have just totally accepted the fact that I will always be fat, and can't imagine myself any other way. But these profiles have given me hope so...we shall see.
8/16/04 I spent the last week trying to scare myself out of surgery by reading all of the memorials, but it didn't work! My heart really goes out to all those poor souls and their families. I know how they feel. My wife doesn't want to know where they're at because she doesn't want to read them, but I like to thoroughly research things before I take action. I want to know both the pro's and con's of everything and make an informed choice. I think I have an advantage over some because of my age and general good health. I don't have any heart or lung trouble, just physical pain and shortness of breath from the weight. Of course this will all sound quite ironic if you are reading it 2 years from now on the memorials page, but I am a fighter and am strong. I refuse to let anything happen to me. It seems like the most common problem is pulmonary embolism. I will run laps around the hospital as soon as I wake up if that is what it takes! I did find a scale last week on the internet that will weigh me, so I bought it. I am scared to get on it because I don't know my exact weight, but it is what it is, knowing doesn't make it better or worse. I am sure that there are plenty of people on this site that weigh more, and plenty that weigh less. Regardless of the number, we all have the same problems. I hope it motivates me to lose some weight prior to any potential surgery since I can know measure progress. Right now I have a big concern about a family vacation we have coming up to Disneyworld in November. How am I going to walk around an amusement park for 7 straight days when I can't walk up the stairs to my office at work? Especially when I can't ride any of the rides anyway. But I refuse to make my family suffer because I am so big. I will walk till I can't walk anymore. Hopefully I can take at least one day to read by the pool and relax.
1/13/05 Today is my consultation with Dr. Alexander. I'll update when I get back. By the way, the number I was scared to see in my last posting, my weight, is 478. Shocking and unbelievably embarrassing. I won't even tell my friends and family how much it is, except my wife.
As a side note, I wrote in a previous post about our family vacation to Disneyworld and my fear of not being able to ride anything. We had a very nice time and I was able to ride almost everything I wanted. The only one that was extremely uncomfortable for me was "Splash Mountain". Other than that, I really had little trouble. For those of you who despise amusement parks because you can't ride anything, I recommend Disney highly.
1/20/05 The consultation went great. He did an excellent job answering the laundry list of questions that my wife and I had. One piece of advice I would have for anyone going to a consultation would be to make sure you have done your homework on the risks ahead of time so you can asks specific questions. He didn't spend a lot of time talking about them. We scheduled my testing for EGD, Stress test and Psych eval all on the same day (1/26/05) and I just got a copy of the insurance letter they sent out on my behalf today. Haven't checked with insurance yet, but depending on that battle, surgery date could be as soon as February. The consultation really gets you excited and makes you want to have it done right away! It is just so exciting to think of all the things I will be able to do and how great I will feel. Will update after the testing next week.
1/27/05 - Yesterday I had all of my pre-op testing. It went very smoothly and I can tell anyone that is concerned about it, that they shouldn't be. I went to the hospital at 6am for my EGD test. Dr. Alexander had 4 he was doing that morning and of course I was the last one, so I had to wait. Everyone shows up at 6am and you just wait in line. This was the test I was most concerned about, but it went great. Once they gave me the IV and shot, the next thing I remember was asking when we were going to start and they said we were done! The whole thing took maybe 20 minutes from the time I left my room till I was back. In fact, my wife asked if something happened that we didn't do it since it was so fast! Then we had to drive back to Dr. Alexanders office for Psych eval and Stress test. Neither wsa that big of deal. Stress test included several pulminary tests and then 5 or 6 minutes on a stationary bike hooked up to EKG and respitory machine. I felt good because after the test, the technician said he couldn't remember someone my size performing so well on the tests. He said that will aid in my recovery time post-op. I guess my exercising over the past 3 years paid off in some manner, even if it didn't lose weight. By 3pm I was done with all my testing. Now I wait for insurance approval to schedule a surgery date. Cost update: So far it is $3000 to Dr. Alexander, and $298 at the hospital yesterday for the EGD. I also was informed that I will have some fees due from the hospital when I have surgery. Everything depends on what insurance will cover, but my initial impression was that after the $3k to Dr. Alexander, you were done. Not the case. Just something to be aware of.
1/28/05 - Unbelievable! Insurance approved me after the first letter and I have my surgery scheduled for 3/4/05.
2/21/05 - It is very interesting to me the various pre-op requirements that we all are getting from our surgeons. No two sound the same. Personally, my surgeon didn't say anything about my diet leading up to surgery, except that I am to eat "soft foods" two days before, and clear liquids the day before. Nothing about losing weight or no carbs for several weeks before hand. My biggest concern right now is the psychological impact of losing my "best friend" - food - after the surgery. I have really tried to put it out of my mind for now, I haven't been gourging on anything, but I do give it a passing thought that this might be the last time I am eating a particular food. I have just been living my life like normal, and will show up on the 4th for surgery. I am a little surprised at my lack of nervousness, but I have prayed many times over this decision and am at piece with it. I am very busy at work and the time just seems to be flying. I have ordered some protein and chewable vitamins that are supposed to arrive today, so I will begin taking them and trying out some protein drinks.
My wife and I know my personality and therefore know what I will be like those first weeks after surgery: I will be an angry, short-tempered, bitter person until I start to see results and can focus on the positives. She is convinced that I need to attend the support group that my doctor has for his patients and she is going to drag me there. I am sure I will enjoy it and get a lot out of it, but I am not a social person, and the thought of walking into a room with a bunch of people I don't know sounds worse to me than the surgery! Oh well, just some thoughts I have now that I am 11 days out from surgery. I am just concerned that I am NOT worrying about it more and that it is going to be like getting hit with a bus when I wake up from surgery!
2/28/05 - Thought I would share what happened during my last round of pre-op testing. Went to the doctors last Friday. Not my surgeon, but in another building in the same complex. I wasn't too thrilled with it simply because everything seemed so rushed and the nurse couldn't figure out the EKG machine (she was a temp I think because the doctor said his regular nurse wasn't in that day). If I had any concerns about my health going into it, I would not have felt confident that they were going to catch anything during that appointment. Maybe on a different day with a different nurse, but it was definitely an off day for them. The only thing I found out that was new was that I am starting to get some arthritis in my spine due to carrying around all the weight (reason #1 for the day to have the surgery). One more reason to get the surgery. After several tests and an X-ray, the doctor sent me to another building to get blood tests done. When the nurse called me to go in the back, the damn chair came up with me when I stood because it was of course too small (embarrassing and reason #2 of the day to have the surgery).
Next I had to go to the hospital to pre-register. They were nice and couldn't help the fact that there was tons of paperwork to complete. I had to sit on about 3 square inches of chair there because it was also way too small (reason # 3 of the day to have the surgery). It was nice that at least 3 people during the day commented on what a fantastic surgeon I have. That makes me feel good about the decision.
Next on to Day Surgery and final registration. This nurse showed me where to come on Friday and gave me instructions. I got a bottle of anti-bacteria soap to shower with in the morning. I have to bring my CPAP machine to the hospital with me for my sleep apnea. She also said that there is a chance I may go to ICU after surgery so they can better monitor my sleep apnea, so to prepare my wife for that eventuality so she doesn't panic. She also wanted me to bring a copy of my Living Will (not a nice thought, but necessary) since I have one.
Then it is on to Surgeon's office and if your counting, my fourth office building of the day. I had to pay ($3,000) and have my pre-op picture taken. Now everything is ready for the big day.
Today at work I said farewell to one of my favorite restaurants (Buffalo Wild Wings). I am on my farewell tour...
3/2/04 - Two days to go. Less than 48 hours away from surgery. Today I am on a "soft food" diet. No big deal, just no meats or anything. A pasta lunch and some eggs and toast for dinner. I checked with my pharmacy and my surgeon called in my Colyte and pain pre-scription. Will have to pick that up on my way home from work. I don't know what to expect with the Colyte tomorrow, I know it won't be fun. I talked to a friend at work today whose wife just had the surgery last week and he had nothing but positive things to say about it. Everything went great. She had the surgery on Thursday and came home Saturday afternoon. By Monday night she was able to go out and take their son to Karate practice. She has even eaten some mashed potatoes already.
Had my final real meal last night. I felt like I was about to walk the "Green Mile" and this was my final meal! Said goodbye to the old way of eating by having a steak, mashed potatoes, boneless buffalo wings and some chicken tenders (better known as the Chili's Heart Attack Meal Deal!). Not really scared at this point, just anxious and curious. Every time I have to sit in a chair that doesn't fit, put on my socks without being able to breathe, put on my pants that barely fit, etc... I just keep telling myself "this may be the last time I have to deal with this problem" and it is a nice feeling.
When I say goodbye to everyone at work today, I will likely be down 60-80 pounds before I see them again (hopefully). I am hoping that starting out so big will make it pour off me at first before hitting my first plateau. I'll have to do a final weigh-in at home tomorrow, but I am sure it will top 480lbs. My goal is to get down to at least 199.99999999lbs at some point, even if I go back up in the low 200's to settle in. I was a pretty big and muscular guy in my college days and looked good at 240, but I want under 200!!
The main concerns that I have on my mind: 1. I am curious about the pain factor, I always handle it better than I think, but the anticipation kills me! 2. I have never had surgery before and don't know how groggy I will be when I wake up. I am not used to not being in control of everything and I don't like the thought of being helpless or rambling like an idiot. 3. I am OUT on a catheter (sp?) Don't like anything about the thought of this. 4. I hope I can swallow all the Colyte tomorrow. 5. Some unforseeable circumstance will arise causing me to have to re-schedule. This will kill me. I am mentally prepared to get it over with.
That's all for now, I will likely not be able to update again until Sunday or Monday when I return from the hospital. Talk to everyone on the other side!
3/3/05 - I was able to get down the bowel prep goop. Mine was lemon-lime flavored, clear liquid. Just very thick. Every 10 minutes is a lot. Of course, my luck strikes again today...Just after I complete the first cup of this junk, I see a river running down our street. The utility company had broken a water main! So we are now without water and I have a ticking timebomb in my gut! It was not pretty and I may have to remodel the downstairs bathroom, but I survived. The water came on again about 9pm and we were able to start flushing toilets again and showering.
3/4/05 Day of Surgery. Arrived at the hospital at 9:00am and immediately got into gown and waited for surgery. Dr. Alexander stopped by to say we were almost ready, then they wheeled me away at 11:45. One thing I didn't like was they had to take my glasses and give them to my wife so I couldn't see anything. I helped them get me on the operating table and he gave me a shot to relax me and that is the last thing I remember about the surgery until I woke up. Even that is hazy. I was in surgery a little longer than normal, not really any complications, Dr. just said I was a big man and he wanted to make sure he took his time and got everything right. I came out of surgery about 4:30pm. I was wheeled into my room about 6pm. At some point later that day or the next, I think I remember another Dr. saying that part of one of my lungs collapsed, but it shouldn't be a big deal as long as I walked and did the breathing therapy. One recommendation I would make to anyone is have a loved one stay with you in the hospital if at all possible. I have never had surgery before, and am really not used to being helpless, so it gave me great comfort that my wife stayed with me. We had our kids spend the night with friends both nights I was in the hospital. The night of surgery I was on morphine drip that I controlled with a shot every 15 minutes if I wanted it. It made me extremely drowsey and I couldn't keep my eyes open. The whole time in the hospital it was a constant parade of stars with doctors and nurses coming in. All I wanted to do was sleep, but I constantly was being awakened for breathing treatments. At 9:00 pm I got out of bed and walked for the first time.
Here is my incision: http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y264/ntredmfn/3-4-05incisionsizecomparison.jpg
3/5/04 - I used the morphine very sporadically today and couldn't keep my eyes open. One of the worst things I had to do today was test for leaks. They took me to radiation in a wheelchair and were going to take xrays as I drank barium. First problem was I barely fit between the table and machine (I had to stand for the test). So the morning after I have my stomach cut open, I have to SQUEEZE into this machine. Then I have to drink the barium. It tasted horrible and of course I am worried that they will find a problem. They didn't, said everything looked fine. Later in the afternoon, once my surgeon had gotten the results, I could begin to have ice chips. That was a Godsend. I was so thirsty! It had been two days since I even drank a glass of water! I couldn't stand laying in the same upright position all day. Time seemed to stop! I had brought books and music and even a portable DVD player to kill time, but never did any of them. I was just not in the mood to concentrate on anything, just wanted to sleep and make the time go faster. Every few hours I would get up and walk the halls. The cathiter (sp?) came out in the afternoon which didn't thrill me too much. Not only was it not a pleasant experience, but that meant I had to get up and go to the bathroom. A small bathroom and I didn't know how I was going to do it. I couldn't sit down because I didn't think I would be able to get up again, and if I stood I was afraid I would end up spraying the floor. Oh well, I survived. No morphine all afternoon, just a couple of shots at night to make me drowsey and fall asleep.
3/6/05 - Ready to leave the hospital in the morning. Before they would let me go home, I had to eat lunch. Apple juice, broth, and jello. I was not thrilled. I didn't want to eat anything, but they said they had to make sure I could tolerate it before they sent me home. I was able to get it down. The apple juice was good and the jello not bad. The broth was not good. It tasted like liquid celery, not my favorite. But I got them down and they released me about 11am. Not bad considering I just had major surgery less than 48 hours before. I just felt like I had to get out of that hospital. I was tired of being pumped full of chemicals and just thought I could recover more comfortably at home. I would rate my hospital experience as average. We had one good nurse that we liked, but I wasn't fond of the night shift. I suppose it would be very difficult to have a wonderful experience considering why your there, and I really don't have anything to compare it too, so I won't be too harsh!
3/7/05 - Not much to say here except that my stomach feels so bloated. I have gas that I cannot seem to get rid of and my intestines are rumbling constantly. I finally have a liquid bowel movement and am able to expel some of the gas to get some relief.
3/8/05 - Still have a bloated feeling. I am eating sugar free jello, apple juice, and water (but not much). I am trying hard to get at least 64 ounces of liquid in a day, but am not quite making it. I am drinking constantly all day and even sleep with a water bottle to drink at night (my throat gets extremely dry with the CPAP). Today I walked outside for the first time. Just up and down the street in front of my house. My wife wanted to be able to see me at all times in case I collapsed or something. No problems, the pain gets better every day. I just have no stamina and get winded easily.
3/9/05 - Happy Birthday to me! Not much of a celebration. I already bought my birthday present (portable DVD player) to take to the hospital and obviously there was no cake and ice-cream! Took another walk outside today and was able to go much further than yesterday. I walked for perhaps 30 minutes straight, maybe a mile or so. Getting stronger every day. Still not sleeping well at night, I can't stand being on my back in the upright position. Oh well, won't be too much longer till I am able to sleep normally. Pain medication update: I only used my pain medication at home twice, both times right before bed so it would make me drowsy and I would get some sleep. Pain hasn't really been an issue. The only problems are that they want you to cough to get up the garbage in your lungs, but that hurts! And sneezing, forget about it! My experience has been that it feels like I did a million sit-ups and my abdominal muscles are shot and moving at all feels like when your muscles hurt after an unusual workout. At first, I had a large pressure feeling in my chest, my pain and pressure were all very high. I talked to another patient in the hospital and her pain was all lower in the stomach. I am sure it affects everyone differently, and maybe there are some anatomy differences between men and women
as well.
3/11/05 Had my one week follow-up with Dr. Alexander yesterday. Not much to report. Everything looks fine and he basically said I can do whatever I feel like doing. The most important thing is excercise, which I have been doing. I asked about starting chewable vitamins and protein shakes and he said go for it. He says not to worry about how much protein to take in because my body is going to be burning fat for energy anyway and will preserve the muscle protein until it is out of fat. By that time, I will become more hungry and able to consume the protein I need. That is QUITE a ways off. Down 15 pounds in the last 4 days...not bad. I will now quit weighing myself except for once a week if I can help it.
3/14/05 I continue to be amazed at how much easier it is for me to walk. Today I walked 3 times as far as I could have before surgery and at the end, my back still didn't hurt. I haven't lost that much weight, but it is amazing to me the difference it has made with my lower back pain. In church yesterday, I could stand for all the songs without having to lean on the chairs in front of me due to back pain. I had two "odd" things happen, don't know if they are related to surgery or not. First, the very bottom of my stomach has a large bruise on it. Don't know if it is from some of the blood in my abdomen settling after the surgery or what, but I don't remember bumping it. It doesn't hurt, just discolored. Also, my left thigh, which has been numb for some time, hurts a bit today, almost a burning sensation when I press on it. Maybe it is the nerves coming to life again after being pinched off from the weight on my spine now that it is slowly going away. My wife called the doctor about the bruising and he said nothing to worry about and likely not related to the surgery. I'm sure it will go away after a few days. Still haven't eaten anything but Crystal light, sugar free popsicles and Jello. I think I will try some tomato soup tonight and see how that goes down.
3/18/05 - I know I should be happy with the weight loss, but I am pissed off because I haven't maintained the 4lbs a day I was getting at first. I was hoping to drop that first 70 or 80 pounds quick and get it under my belt. I should know better than that, I have the metabolism of a tortoise and every pound I lose, all 280 of them, is going to be a fight to the death. I haven't really noticed a visual difference in my appearance. We have taken some measurements that I will post later, but the only inches I have lost are one inch around my neck and 4 around my chest. Stomach is still the same as are thighs. Yesterday I walked about two miles and thought I would lose a few pounds, but only lost one. I am going to try to not weigh myself for a couple days, that is driving me crazy. Went to the doctor today and got the blood pressure checked. 118 over 60. Lowest in years. Doctor said to stop taking the medication and come back in 3 or 4 days. Can't believe I might be off blood pressure medicine. That would be nice and a major plus, but I am focused like a laser on losing weight and not able to enjoy these little achievements along the way. Hopefully my attitude will change when I begin to see some visual changes and changes in my clothes. When you start out at 478 pounds, losing 35 pounds doesn't make much difference.
3/19/05 - Took the family to the zoo today. It was a beautiful day and I wanted to get my exercise that way instead of just taking a walk. I continue to be surprised at my stamina. I was able to walk around the zoo for about 4 hours and my back never bothered me once. Amazing! I never would have thought that losing so little weight would have made such a difference in my back. I am experiencing some pain in my left thigh. It is sort of a burning sensation. It has been numb for quite some time, the Dr. said a nerve was likely being pinched in my spine from all the weight and I don't know if that is the issue or what, but it has been bothering me. Another unusual effect we have noticed so far is that my temperature tolerance seems to be changing. I used to be "hot-blooded" and needed the air conditioning cranked up full blast. For the past several days I have actually gotten chilly and we have slept without the ceiling fan going and I have raised the temperature a couple degrees. Doesn't sound like a big deal, but I had an obsession with staying cool. I don't think I have been sweating quite as much as normal either.
3/25/05 - Well, today I am just going to vent regardless of how stupid it sounds! I am pissed at my weight loss in the last week. Yes, I am down 42 pounds overall, but it has slowed to just 3 pounds in the last 4 days. How in the hell can a 440 pound man consuming as little as I am now possibly hit a plateau? I am exercising everyday. I took my family to a movie yesterday and had to smell them and everyone else in the damn theatre eating buttered popcorn as I sat there. I didn't go through this thing to lose a pound a week. At this rate I will hit goal sometime in the year 2025! I don't notice any difference in my appearance at all, even losing the 42 lbs. Last night I was all excited to eat a pureed chicken breast. Well, I ate it, but chicken paste isn't as great as it's cracked up to be. It loses a little something when you turn it into chicken pudding. At this point, I am still surprised at how much I can eat. I ate the whole chicken breast (paste) and a few bites of cottage cheese to "wash" it down since I can't drink. I have now had: eggs, cottage cheese, sugar free pudding, popsicles, ice cream, clam chowder, tomato soup, skim milk, and chicken. Luckily, I haven't had a reaction to any of them, it's like I never had the surgery. But I think I should get full before being able to eat a whole chicken breast. Especially when my pouch is smaller now than it will ever be. I don't want this surgery to fail. It can't. I go back to work next week so I won't have as much time to exercise and the temptations will grow exponentially when I have lunch with my friends. I better start losing weight in bunches, I am not ready for a plateau until somewhere in the low 300's. Not at 440!
4/1/05 I am extremely frustrated today. I had my weekly weigh-in today and only lost 4 pounds this week. I can't believe it is going so slowly. I didn't have my insides re-arranged and give up one of my greatest enjoyments in life to lose 4 pounds in a week. I could do that on my own. I just don't get it...how can a person my size, who is exercising and consuming barely anything, only lose 4 pounds? I thought for sure I would drop a minimum of 10-15 pounds a week for the first couple months at least, then slow down somewhere when I got in the low 300's. I have SOOO much to lose and have zero patience for poor results. I also had my first close call this week at lunch. I was eating scrambled eggs, which I have already eaten once and had no trouble, and it also came with some breakfast potatoes that I thought I could chew up fine enough it would be no problem. I have already had mashed potatoes and had no problem. I had a couple bites of the eggs and just two small bites of the potatoes, chewing well...and then it felt like something got stuck and wouldn't go into my stomach. A small tinge of pain as my esophagus tried to push it in, then I got a hot flash and cotton mouth and was sure we were about to cause a scene. I haven't vomited yet and am terrified to, so I didn't know how bad this scene was gonna get. Fortunately, after about 10 minutes whatever was stuck worked it's way down and I never threw up, but lunch was over for me! It is a little embarrassing going out to eat. This is my first week back at work, so I have been going out to lunch with friends. First, the waiter looks at you oddly as the 500# man orders a bowl of soup for lunch, then even odder as he is only able to eat about a quarter of it in an hour. It's weird because you don't want them to think you didn't like it, but I also don't feel like giving my life story to the guy talking about my surgery. Doesn't bother me too much, but to someone who is more self-conscious than myself, it could be uncomfortable. I am considering doubling my protein shake intake this week and seeing if maybe I am just not getting enough. I feel like I have only a year to get this done (before my pouch heals enough that I start to consume more food and won't be able to lose weight as easily), the clock is ticking, and I have just wasted the last two weeks somehow. But I don't know what, if anything, I am doing wrong. Why does my body REFUSE to burn fat? It has my entire life. I have NO metablolism at all. I swear I could hibernate through the winter and wake up 15 pounds heavier. Oh well, I can't continue to vent without begining to use very creative four letter words, so I will sign off for now. I better lose more next week!
4/8/05 Lost 8 pounds this week. I'm not doing handstands or anything, but it is better than the 4 pounds that I lost last week. My focus this week has been to try to get in more water and more protein. The only changes to my diet has been to add tuna salad and I also tried making homeade chili and putting it in the blender. I tolerated both fine. It still seems like I am eating slightly more than most people I see on the messageboards (more at one sitting) but then again I am not measuring so maybe it's not that different. I noticed particularly with the tuna salad that I cannot eat as much of it as I can my soups. Still exercising most everyday, walking a mile or more. Feel fine, still not sleeping quite as well as prior to surgery, but no big deal. My before picture is now up on my profile. Disgusting! I would demand it be taken down, but it will serve as motivation and hopefully demonstrate a huge transformation once I get an "after" (or at least a better "during"!). The beginning picture is day of surgery and weighing in at 478. As of today, 5 weeks out, I am down 54lbs.
4/15/05 - I'm feeling a little better about the weight loss in the last couple weeks. I lost 9lbs this week, so that is 17 in the last 2 weeks. I'll take that. With my before/after picture from last week I can now just begin to tell that I have lost weight. Physically, things are much easier now. I can put my shoes and socks on much easier and I have moved down a size in my pants (several inches). I'll have to get a new belt also as I have drilled too many new holes in my current one and it looks silly going half way around my side. I am still walking 4-5 times a week for exercise and trying to eat mostly protein rich foods and snacks. I haven't had the pudding or ice cream or anything "sweet" this week. Cottage cheese, tuna salad, string cheese, soups (broccoli and cheese, clam chowder, beef vegetable, turkey pot pie). This week I attempted to eat taco meat with cheese and a bowl of chili at a restaurant. Both went down fine. I had some issues last weekend with tuna salad. I have no warning before I have had too much to eat. I don't feel myself getting full, its just all of a sudden, nothing more will go into my pouch and I start to feel like I am gonna puke. I haven't yet. With my new diet additions this week, I am eating much slower and haven't had any more trouble. Restaurant story: it continues to be embarrasing for someone my size to order a cup of soup for lunch and the waitresses can't seem to handle it. Yesterday, when the waitress brought me my little cup of chili (it WAS pretty small) it looked so pathetic compared to my friends large meals they ordered. She started apologizing to me saying she could bring me more and that it would never fill me up. I didn't feel like telling my life story and just told her it would be fine. Meanwhile, an hour later, my friends are done eating and I am still working on my little cup!
4/23/05 - Not much new to report this week. I only lost 6 pounds, but at least I am losing. I am down 69 pounds in 7 weeks. I was hoping to be down a hundred, but maybe that wasn't realistic. Who knows. I feel like I am doing everything I am supposed to: exercising frequently and eating right. Inches update: since surgery I have lost 1.5 inches around my neck, 6 inches around my chest, 6 inches around my waist (4 in the last 3 weeks), 8 inches around my stomach. Not much around my stomach recently, my body seems to focus on a different area every week or so. I was able to get into an old favorite pair of jeans to go to Dr. Alexander's support group meeting, that was neat. I have also been able to wear a couple of older shirts. I am wearing old work pants also. Nothing dramatic, and if you didn't see before/after pictures of me side by side, you probably wouldn't notice. When my parents who live out of town hear that I have lost 70lbs, they think I must look like a whole new person. NOPE. I am sure the more I lose, each pound will make a larger visual impact. Right now it seems like the first 70 was water weight!
4/29/05 - Milestone Alert!! I am at 401 today, down 77 pounds and approaching the 300's. I will have to cheat on my weekly weigh-ins and do a daily check until that scale says 399! Sounds ridiculous unless you have been a member of the 400 pounder club, but 300 pounds sounds awful good right now! I seem to have settled into a 7-8 pound weekly loss for the last 4 weeks. Not bad I guess, I have gotten used to that idea. I'd like more, I want to hit the century mark for loss, but I probably won't get too excited about it because I will only be about 35% to goal. I tried on some old clothes last night and was able to add about 5 new dress shirts to my wardrobe that I haven't worn in awhile. That's always nice. I'll probably update again shortly when I have broken into the 300's.
5/2/05 - I HIT IT!! I am now 398 lbs! Sounds huge to some, but to someone who was flirting with 500lbs two months ago, sounds GREAT! Not too sure how to celebrate, 3 months ago I would have gone out to a fancy restaurant for a steak dinner. Instead, this morning I had another protein shake :-(. I have not changed my mental hangups yet.
5/6/05 - I had a bit of a tough week this week. I was in a 3 day training seminar at an offsite hotel. For our meals, the hotel provided buffet's. I had to sit through 4 buffets. It was very rough. I find I am ok going out to lunch with my friends and just having a bowl of soup or something, but it is much tougher in a corporate environment when I don't necessarily want to tell everyone my life story. It was torture watching everyone eat plate after plate of food and then someone sat down right next to me with SNICKERS CHEESECAKE!! So after hotel security had me restrained and calmed down...(:haha:). Corporate functions are going to be a challenge, especially when I have no control over what is served and I don't feel like taking that opportunity to try a new food that may make me sick. During our Executive Dinner, I had a strawberry and about a square inch of broiled chicken in some kind of sauce, and had to leave early because I thought I was going to :barf:. Then, halfway home, it just went away in an instant and I felt fine again. I don't know what to do at these functions, just not eat anything and drink a bottled water? On a more positive note, I wasn't able to eat much this week since I was at the mercy of the hotel and my schedule didn't allow time for exercise, so I thought I might not lose much weight, but was able to lose 8 pounds since last Saturday and am now comfortably below 400 at 394 (down 84 pounds in 9 weeks). Back to a regular schedule next week so will probably have a better week.
5/13/05 - I was wrong. I didn't have a better week! Only lost 5 pounds this week and I wasn't able to eat much. I took my wife and kids out to eat for Mother's Day and tried to eat a cheeseburger. I have eaten bites off a cheeseburger I made at home and didn't have much trouble, but I got sick off this thing 3 days in a row! The last two days I made myself throw up just to get rid of the pain in my chest. So I cut back on my eating this week because nothing seemed to go down too well. Also had a hectic week with things to do every evening after work, so I wasn't able to get in much exercise. I want to try to start lifting weights either tonight or tomorrow at the health club.
5/15/05 - Had a good day yesterday. Went to a restaurant for my son's baseball team party and they had booths reserved for everyone. I was nervous as I sat down but...I FIT! I didn't have room to spare mind you, but I was able to do it without having to go off and sit at a table in the corner by myself! Also took my son to a baseball game and I was able to sit in the chairs their as well without having the torture bars digging into my hips. Of course, I had to smell the nachos, hot dogs, barbeque sandwhiches and all that other stuff too. That is hell, but I try to focus on the fact I am losing and not what I can't eat. I just pray that someday I won't even care, but right now it is a mental son-of-a-b#$%H.
5/20/05 - Not a good week. Just 4 pounds lost. It was a horribly busy week and we had something to do every night this week, therefore my exercise was down from normal. I only got in one or two days of exercise and I paid the price with minimal weight loss. I would really like to get to 100 pounds lost by next week, so I am going to do my best to exercise at every opportunity. Going to lift weights tonight for the second time, I can finally lift my arms again after last Saturdays workout, so I am going to go do it again. I can't wait until I am able to lift frequently without the muscle soreness.
5/27/05 - Kind of a roller coaster ride this week. It got really hot last weekend and I spent a lot of time outdoors. I was very concerned about dehydrating, so I was drinking constantly and didn't eat much. I lost 6 pounds over the weekend, and was at 99.5lbs lost on Monday morning. I thought I was a LOCK for century club by my weigh-in day on Friday. Then I hit the wall. I gained a pound on Monday and I have been trading that pound back and forth all week. Today I am at 99lbs and have given up on weighing everyday to see when I hit the 100lb mark. I have lifted weights regularly starting this week (3 times so far and going again tonight) and walked on the days I didn't lift. Maybe the lifting has something to do with it, either building a little muscle or somehow changing my metabolism a bit to compensate for the new activity. I don't know and don't really care. I enjoy lifting and it burns calories so I am going to do it! It is embarrassing to lift right now though because of how pathetically weak I am. I am such a big guy and even have some muscles from the old days, but I can't lift much and get some interesting looks. I want to tell everyone "I am recovering from major surgery, that's why I can't lift much!". It is probably just a male ego thing, but I am used to walking in to the weightroom and being able to lift more than just about anyone in there. Now, there are women lifting more than me! It is improving though, even in this first week and I'm sure eventually I'll get back to doing a respectable amount. It really shouldn't matter because all I really want is to tone up. I'm not a body builder and don't really have occasion to have to kick anyone's ass too frequently, so I need to forget about it and just work out.
6/28/05 - I cheated and weighed. I got the hundred pounds today! 378!!
6/3/05 - Thanks to Teresa D for my great Century Club card! I had a difficult time on Memorial Day this week. To me, holidays mean cooking out on the grill, and I got a little cocky this time I think. I thought Shish-kabobs would be good because I could eat the vegetables and I would put a couple shrimp on there as well. We had the neighbors over and sat down to eat. When I had eaten about 3/4 of ONE SHRIMP, I started to get "the feeling". I tried to act cool and fight it for about 10 minutes or so, but finally gave in and went inside the house to throw it up. Just ate too much to quick I think. It was impossible to chew it up into the "mash" that I can get ground beef into, so I wasn't able to eat near as much as I thought. Who would have thought 3 months ago when I could have eaten two steaks and a baked potato minimum, that I would vomit on less than one shrimp? The throwing up isn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be, nothing like pre-surgery vomiting. **graphic description** There is no bile or bad aftertaste, just the same taste you had the first time! I don't even have to stick my fingers down my throat...I just get a sharp pain in my chest and feel like I need to belch, but no air comes out, just liquid. Then I know I am in trouble, so I go to the bathroom and just force a belch and it is gone. I feel better and go about my business. The only other issue I am having now is **Graphic Description** constipation. I only go #2 about once every 4 days or so, and it is like childbirth every time. I am drinking plenty of fluids but after one particularly bad 40 minute battle, I went to the drugstore and bought everything they had that said it would make you s$@t! I now take Citrocil at least once a day and have added salad and nuts to my diet for roughage. Still struggling with it though. I am a little disappointed with my loss this week, 4 pounds, but I have started to lift weights every other day and walking on the other days. Maybe the lifting is "redistributing" the weight. I still need to redistribute about 200 pounds right off though! I'm exercising and not eating and not being hungry, so I am happy. It will come off when it comes off. I'd like to have 200 pounds off by Christmas as a goal. My next mini-goal is to make it to 350 where I will fit on the doctors scale at my family doctor.
6/10/05 - One thing that doesn't make sense to me at this point, is that I lose about 5 pounds over the weekend, then nothing the rest of the week. I get excited that I am going to have a big week because I lose 5 pounds between Friday and Sunday, then squat the rest of the week. That doesn't make any sense? I haven't eaten hardly anything this week, worked out like a banshee and exercised every day. Doesn't make sense. Oh well, it is still slowly coming off. I think I am going to have "hanging skin" issues. I have a lot more "jiggle" than I did before I lost weight. That sucks and isn't fair. I look like crap because I am fat, then I lose weight and still look like crap. The only difference is now I look like crap AND I can't eat buffalo wings!
6/17/05 - Still same old story. Last Saturday I tried an experiment to see how much I would lose during one long walk. It was very hot out and I weighed myself before I went out. The good news is I took the longest walk of my life (at least that I can remember!) of about 3 1/2 miles in the Texas heat. I lost 4.5 lbs in just over an hour! The bad news is...6 days later that is still all I lost this week! I knew it was all fluid and I would gain it back as I hydrated, but it is still frustrating to lose so much in one day, then nothing else the rest of the week. I lifted even more this week (still 3 days but several additional exercises each day) and walked every day I didn't lift. Maybe I'm not eating enough. There were a couple of days this week that I ate a protein shake for breakfast, ate a little bit of soup for lunch, then a protein shake for dinner after I lifted and that is it. Seems like that would be enough protein to keep the old metabolism going, but I can't seem to break out of this 4lbs/wk routine. It goes against all logic for me to eat more to lose weight, and I can't see eating if I am not hungry. If I am this psychotic over 4lbs a week, wait until my first week of plateau! This journal will erupt with a string of expletives the likes of which you have never seen!! Stay tuned...it is GOING to happen!
6/24/05 - Here it comes...only 2 F$(%*NG pounds this week?! Last Saturday (one day after my last weigh-in) I weighed 362, down 4 pounds in 24 hours, and then in the next 6 days I GAINED 2 pounds. How is that possible? Exercising everyday, not enough to keep a bird alive. At that rate, it pushes my goal weight timeframe back into next century sometime. I can't do anymore than I am, I don't know what to do. If exercising everyday, not eating anything but small portions of protein and NEVER cheating or eating anything I am not supposed to doesn't work, then I don't know what will. Screw it.
7/1/05 - Had a better week this week with 6 pounds lost. Didn't really do anything different, so I can't figure it out. We are going on vacation tomorrow flying to Canada for a few days. It will be interesting to see how I fit on the airplane. I'm sure I will still need the seatbelt extender, but it might be close. That would be sweet if I didn't! I'm a little worried about going out of town for the first time and eating at restaurants for all meals. What if I go somewhere that doesn't have anything I like? Stupid things to worry about, but I am obsessive compulsive and am very used to my routine at home. Tune in next week for updated pictures and pictures from our vacation.
7/8/05 - Went on vacation this week to the Canadian Rockies in Banff, Alberta. The most beautiful place I have ever seen. I recommend it to anyone. A truly wonderful moment occurred on the way there, I got on the plane and the SEATBELT FIT!! I felt so good, like I had rejoined society again after being a circus freak or something. My wife and I tried to remember the last time I could do that, and it is at least 15 years. That was great, but short-lived as on the flight home, it didn't fit. I was PISSED. Apparently all seatbelts are not the same length. Good to know. I thought for sure I had gained some weight or something on vacation, even though common sense told me that was impossible no more than I was eating. Being out of my routine, and busy sightseeing and stuff, I didn't eat or drink enough on most days and thought perhaps my weight would stall. We did a lot of walking in the thin mountain air, and apparently it did the trick. I weighed myself this morning and I lost 14 lbs!!! That is the most I have lost in months. God bless the mountains!! I may move there permanently, or at least until I get to goal!! I can now weigh myself on a doctors scale, yippee! Next goal: 300. How sweet will that be!
7/15/05 - Well, back to 3 pounds a week again. Can't complain, but not dancing on air either. Damn, 6 more weeks like last week and I would be there!
7/22/05 - Narrowly avoided my first weekly ZERO! I know it is going to happen, it is just a matter of time, but I will go nuts when it does. Someone at work who had the surgery a month ahead of me was talking about her plateau and that she hasn't lost anything in a couple weeks now, and she CURSED me. I will not discuss that word any longer. Went to a support meeting last night and had a pretty good time. If any pre-ops are reading this, I would recommend going to the support group meetings for some good info prior to surgery. I personally did a ton of research on my own, but it is still nice to talk to someone who has been through it. If you read the beginning of my journal here, you will see that I was dreading the support groups and that my wife was going to drag me to them anyway, but now I enjoy them. I am not a social person, and don't like going into a room with a bunch of people that I don't know and somehow having to start up a conversation. It has turned out better than I thought and I seem to learn something new at every session. Everyone there is really nice and either is going through or has gone through everything you are. I recommend it. I asked about follow-up care, particularly with Dr. A, because the one follow up visit I had, I waited for over 2 hours to see him for 2 minutes and felt like it was a huge waste of time. Everyone else agreed that they have had the same experience. The moderator, who is the director of the bariatric program at the hospital, said that as long as I got my bloodwork done through my PCP, that is the important thing, and call Dr. A if I have any problems, which I haven't. Not much else new to report, just that I am really enjoying lifting weights and I can see muscles in my arms that I haven't seen in years, if ever. I need to start working out on my legs and do some sit-ups, but haven't gotten motivated to do that yet. Legs are hard to work out and are hidden under pants, so why build up those muscles! And sit-ups??? As far as clothes go, I need to buy some new ones. I am now in 3x shirts (down from 6x) and my size 50 pants are a little baggy (started 62). I just don't know if I can get down into just XL shirts. I would LOVE to, but I am a pretty big guy...time will tell. Right now, the foods I miss the most are cheeseburgers, pizza and sandwiches. For some reason I have a bread thing going right now where I am dying for some bread. These cravings only occur when it is right in front of me and I have to smell it. I don't sit at my desk and crave it. I still don't get hungry and only eat because I know I have to.
8/5/05 - I have been able to eat a little more recently. It is as if something has "opened up" inside and I can fit more food in. It is a little concerning, but just because I am used to such ridiculously small amounts it feels like I am overeating. Sometimes for lunch instead of just having a cup of soup, I will get a cup of soup and a salad. I won't be able to eat all of the salad, but sometimes I may eat half of it. I also tried some new food this week. I tried a chicken tender salad this week and was able to eat the chicken tenders. I have had trouble with chicken until recently and am glad that I can now seem to tolerate it. It adds some variety and options to my diet. It has been well over a month since I have gotten sick for any reason and I am feeling bullet proof! Good weightloss this week and I can only think of one thing that is different: I am trying an experiment eliminating caffeine as I heard it inhibits weightloss. I was drinking TONS of Diet Arizona Green Tea, which I assume has caffeine because it doesn't say that it doesn't, as well as a cup of tea in the morning. I switched to decaf tea in the morning and eliminated the green tea and lost 6 pounds this week. I also had a bad week of exercise, only walking one day (I still lifted 3 times like normal, but I normally get another 2-3 days walking in). Life is getting busy with school starting for the kids and both kids in several extra-curricular activities. No time for exercise! It takes great discipline to make time. There have been several nights that I have been in the weight-room at 9pm to work out after a full days work and errands. Don't have much energy left at that point, but it is extremely important to me.
8/12/05 - My no-caffeine experiment seems to be working as I lost 5 more pounds this week. If anything, I am exercising less than before because my kids are both starting extracurricular activities as well as school, so after work I am normally taking my son to football practice, etc... I still got two good walks in last weekend, but missed lifting on Monday. Had a work dinner on Tuesday, lifted Wednesday, football Thurs and next thing you know the week is over. Unbelievable how time fly's. I'll lift tonight though. I'll keep up my no-caffeine diet until I stall, but I am happy with 5 pounds a week. I can't wait to be under 300!
9/9/05 - Over Memorial Day, I got down to 306 because I spent so much time outdoors in the heat playing golf and just generally being active. For that I was thrilled, but then within 2 days I had gained 7 POUNDS BACK!! How is that possible? 306 to 313 in two days. Could I have been that dehydrated? I didn't eat hardly anything so it had to be liquid. Oh well, I had gotten back down to 310 by weigh-in day so I still lost 3 pounds this week. Had another good travelling experience as I had to go out of town on business and the airline seatbelts fit both going and returning. Wow! Plus, I went to a game at Fenway Park in Boston and before we went my host said that the stadium was built in 1912 so the seats were extremely small (sent me into a panic), but when I got there I fit just fine. I can't even tell you what a load off my mind it is to not have to worry about seating in restaurants, planes, theatres, or sporting events. I can pretty much go anywhere right now and not have to worry about fitting in a chair, almost like a normal human being! My admin showed me a picture she took of me my last day of work before the surgery and I was shocked and repulsed. Instead of giving me a good feeling about how far I've come, it disgusted me that I could have let myself go that far. And it didn't even register to me at the time that I was that far gone. Man am I glad I did this. Giving up donuts is a small price to pay! Still anxiously looking forward to the under 300 weigh-in...
9/23/05 - Another week, another 3 pounds. I would like to be losing faster, but I can't complain. At least I haven't hit a plateau yet and am making consistent progress. A day doesn't go by that someone at work doesn't make the comment about how much weight I have lost. It really is amazing. This time next week, I should be under 300 pounds for the first time in I don't know how long. I don't remember the last time I was under 300. It has probably been 10 years at least. I've started doing sit-ups in the last couple weeks and that is going pretty good. Not every day, but about 4 days a week on average. Yesterday, while exercising, I did something I haven't done in I don't know how long...I ran. During my walk, I just broke out into a jog. Not for a great distance or anything, but I did it about 5 times just to see what would happen. It felt so weird. I was half expecting to blow out a knee or something. I didn't have any pain, but it felt weird to have everything bouncing up and down. It was almost like I had to remember how to run. I made sure not to overdue it because I didn't want to injure myself, but it was a neat experience. Today, my foot hurts a little bit, but other than that, I am fine. I was doing my exercise at the park during my son's football practice and when I was done and rejoined the other parents, another father asked if I had just been for a run. That kind of threw me for a loop...that someone would think I would go for a jog!! Next week: under 300!
10/03/05 - Well, of course we all knew it would happen. My first week without a weight loss would be the one that should have put me under 300. I had a horribly busy week and wasn't able to work out like normal. I was able to exercise this weekend and on Sunday, I was finally at 299. I took a picture of the scale and will post it because I am pretty damn happy about that one.
10/7/05 - I have been eating much more healthy this week, my wife has started making meals every night. They are healthy, high-protein meals, but they are definitely more substantial than what I have been eating, and my weight-loss has slowed down. I am going to try to cut back at lunch a little bit and see if I can pick up the pace some. I would like to be down 200lbs before Thanksgiving when I go home to see family for the first time since surgery. I have 20lbs to go in less than two months. It is possible, but I've only lost 11lbs in the last month so I need to pick it up a bit. It was bound to slow down at some point, I have been doing so well and can't complain. I just want to see that 199 on the scale, which may not even be realistic and probably won't happen without plastic surgery taking the last 10-15 lbs of skin off. But that is a long way off and I'm not going to worry about that now. One week at a time, 2-3 pounds a week, that is what I want to keep going at. I need to cut out my night-time snack...no sugar added ice-cream. I was never a sweet's person, but I found some no-sugar added Dove ice cream bars that I like and have been craving them in the evenings recently. I just need to cut that out and that will drop my caloric intake some.
Here is what I have been dreaming of:
10/14/05 - Pretty good weight loss this week, 5 pounds I'll take it. I had a neat WOW moment this week when I was in the backyard playing with my kids. I was playing catch (football) with my son and we started playing "tackle". He threw me the ball as if to kick it off to me and I took off running towards him returning the kick. My 5 year old daughter was shocked and said "Daddy, you RAN!". I don't think she has ever seen her old man take off running in her life. That will make you think! I'm glad to be under 300 after more than a decade and am anxious to get to 200lbs lost. It won't be as big as getting under 300, but it will be another nice milestone on my way to goal.
10/28/05 - One pound this week. Damn it! I got in two extra 3 mile walks this week and ate less than normal also. Perhaps I didn't eat enough this week. Oh well, there is no rhyme or reason to it. It will come off when it damn well wants to and not a moment earlier. I had a neat clothes buying experience this week. I needed a pair of jeans to wear to work and the pair I bought a couple months ago (4 inches too small at the time around the waist) got too big on me before I even wore them once. I had to return those but then I wanted to buy another pair that was too small for next month when I go up north for Thanksgiving. I tried on a pair of Tommy Jeans (I know that they tend to run a little bigger than the label) but I got into a size 38!!! Now granted, they're tight, but they are a 38!!!! I started this journey in a TIGHT pair of 60's. That was a shocker. I'll accept my pathetic one pound loss this week and move forward with a good feeling about my painted on 38's!
11/11/05 - The weightloss seems to really be slowing down. I guess it is to be expected, I have lost almost 200lbs. I just don't want to stall out before I can lose that last 83 lbs to get to 200. I also had a goal of 200 lbs lost by Thanksgiving and that is in jeopardy. I'm going home to visit family for the first time since surgery and wanted to be down 200+. I will need a five pound week for that to happen and I haven't had one of those for a while. It is really interesting how your body changes so fast with this surgery and your mind can't keep up. Your perception of yourself doesn't change as fast as your belly. I still see the same person in the mirror (almost, obviously I can see some change) but not the dramatic difference others see. I can tell when I am in my truck and where my belly used to almost touch the steering wheel, now I have about 12 inches of clearance! Things like that I realize from time to time, but I wonder if I will ever see myself as a "normal" size man (I know I'm not one yet at 283lbs).
11/28/05 - I just don't understand this weightloss thing. I have been nervous about Thanksgiving ever since I decided to have the surgery as it was always my favorite holiday, and I didn't know how depressed I would get when I couldn't eat. It turned out to not be that big of deal, I still ate turkey, gravy and mashed potatoes and even a little bit of ham. I think my Thanksgiving dinner was the largest amount of food I have eaten at one sitting since surgery, definitely a "normal" person's portion. The only thing I missed out on was the pumpkin pie and cheesecake. What I don't understand, is that after a week home visiting family, no exercise, no protein shakes and eating differently (not as good in my opinion) I lost 6 pounds! I have almost gotten to the point of not trying to figure it out and just ride the roller coaster and see what happens. After my last support group meeting they did a body fat % analysis that said I was at 26% right now (I don't know if that is good or bad or what the target is yet) and that I would weigh 210lbs at 0% body fat. I guess that rules out 199lbs as my target! I am now shooting for around 230. It will be a weird feeling getting to goal and not having the entire focus of your life be to lose weight. It is all I have thought about for 30 years. Quite a psychological change. I still see the fat guy in the mirror, don't see what everyone else sees yet. Hope that changes too.
12/23/05 - Not much has changed in the last month, including my weight! I'm only down 7 pounds in the last month, 4 of that this last week. I was bound to slow down or "plateau", hopefully it will pick up again. I still feel great and continue to work out. I haven't been counting calories or fat at all, so maybe the closer I get to goal the more I'll have to watch that stuff just to finish it off. I'm still working out and very disciplined about no sugar, bread, pasta, or rice. I am awaiting the results of a follow up blood test and am anxious to get them. I think the holiday is causing a delay...at least that's what my Dr.'s office is saying (without even checking on it). I hate my Dr.'s office, but they have such convenient hours I hate to change. The only things that were a little off on my bloodwork was that my "good" cholesterol was too low (imagine that, cholesterol that is TOO LOW!) and I had a low platelette count. She wanted to check it again in a couple weeks to see if the platelettes went back up. She said I could have been fighting off a bug and that could cause it to be low. Nevertheless, it has me concerned and the damn test is taking forever to come back. It looks like I need to update my pictures again, I'm down another 20 pounds or so. My 2x shirts are now too big and I can easily wear XL's now. Amazing...I would LOVE to get into a large someday. Merry Christmas!
1/13/06 - Don't know what the hell happened this week, but I like it! Nothing really different than any other week. I've been eating a little more protein via protein bars and smoothies, but wouldn't think it would have that drastic of an effect. There is no pattern to this thing at all, and I have been relatively successful at not worrying about it anymore, just doing my normal exercise and eating, and the weight will be what it will be. My advise to anyone having this surgery: Be very disciplined on what you eat. Do NOT cheat. I don't know whether I can eat sugar or not, because I haven't tried it. I've broken the poor eating habits in the last 10 months, why go back to them now? If I'm eating what I'm supposed to and exercising regularly, I have no more control over my weight than I do the weather. God will decide where my weight should be at, and I trust Him! I just have to eat right and exercise. Whenever someone