Sharon Larson

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I don't know if anyone is even left on this board from June 2005, but in case there is, I'd like to throw out some feelings about this whole experience.  First of all, I fall into a odd category.  Never had a weight issue, was always 5'4" 110 to 115 pounds.  That is until I devloped avascular necrosis in both hips in 2000 and by 2003 I could barely walk.  My right hip was so painful, and with no ability to exercise I had to have a hip replacement.  BUT, couldn't find a surgeon who would operate on me until I was within 25 pounds of my normal weight.  I weighed 226 at this point and had no way of losing the weight by diet alone.  I was forced into having an RNY, a surgery that I knew would change my life forever more, simply because I needed a new hip.  Nine months later I had lost down to 110, had the surgery, and life was grand.  EXCEPT that I was one of those rare post-ops who never regained an appetite, and had to force myself to eat.  Food became a duty, not a pleasure.  I had trouble keeping my weight stable at 110 and would fluctuate between 105 and 110.  I was thin as a rail.  Not a pretty picture.  I looked anorexic.  And being 57 at the time, I was carrying my weight differently than I had in my younger years, so my torso looked fairly normal, but arms and legs were like pencils.  Very weird.  No sagging skin, I was lucky that way, but I didn't like looking "skinny" as everyone said I was.  Fast forward to 2010, and the left hip became very painful, and again, couldn't walk so I couldn't exercise.  My hip finally collapsed 6 months before the surgery and I was relegated to lying on the couch 24 hours a day.  It was so depressing.  Even more depressing was that without exercise I regained 90 pounds.  Here I was, looking at the same woman I had met in 2005.  I was only 26 pounds from my pre-op weight in 2005!  Anyway, this January I had the left hip replacement and have since lost 30 pounds.  But am still 60 pounds overweight and am now 61.  My real issue, however, is the entire surgery process. I wish to God I had not listened to my surgeon (who was totally against the lapband and said the only way to go is the RNY), and had the lapband by some other doctor.  Now I'm stuck for life with what he told me would be irreversible rewired plumbing, and all of the complications that go with it.  I still have to sip liquids because my pouch never stretched.  My meals consist of single foods (1/2 sandwich---nothing else, a chicken breast---nothing else, or an apple---nothing else.  I have deliberately tried to stretch my pouch out a little bit, just so I can have something that resembles an actual meal, but the process is just too painful.  So this is what I'm stuck with.  My days consist of trying to get enough water, vitamin schedules, and trying to make sure I get the proper nutrition.  But it's impossible.  There aren't enough hours in the day to play by the "rules" given to me by the surgeon.  I always have this fear in the back of my mind that I'm eventually going to pay the price (healthwise) for not eating properly, and I have no idea what that will do to my health and the quality of my life.  I'm so angry and frustrated that I was more or less railroaded into this surgery, especially after the surgeon who did my last hip replacement told me he does hip replacements on people 200 pounds overweight.  If I had gone to him in 2004, he would have done my other hip without requiring me to lose weight.  I never would have had to have the RNY.  But now there's nothing I can do about it and it just pisses me off.  I really could have just had the lapband and lost some of the weight, then had it removed.  I know most of the people on this board had weight issues their entire lives, and so my complaints probably seem trite, but to me they're very real.  And I have nowhere else to turn to vent like this.  I feel like I'm in a category by myself and it's lonely here.  Anyway, if anyone is out there reading this, thanks for letting me get this off my chest.  I've been waiting for the opportunity for a long time and I finally took it.  

Sharon Larson