oneyeshort
02/15/2009 first blog
Feb 14, 2009
i haven't posted much of anything here on OH, although i've been researching and gathering information and attempting to make strides towards having wls. i am 38 y/o, and i'm a type I diabetic. i was a rebel diabetic in my youth and young adulthood...stories you'd probably not even believe. i've done better in later adulthood, and whether right or wrong, i now have much greater motivations for doing the right things.
at this point, it's looking like i could get a surgery date as soon as mid-march, which is the goal that i'd set for myself awhile back. i'm a VERY short person (5'0") and my bmi is extremely high. (i don't have it in front of me, i'm terrible at math and haven't memorized the figure.) i feel like if i don't do this relatively soon that the consequences will be drastic. i don't know how much longer i will be able to keep up the pace necessary for me to go to work each day. i don't know how much longer i can command my brain to override the nagging depression that is accompanying all of this. i don't know how long i can endure the paranoia i feel about eating in front of my family or anyone else because i keep thinking that they're sitting there saying to themselves "do you REALLY think you should eat at all?" (i know they're not saying that, and i know that i have to eat whether i weigh 150lbs or 500lbs.) i don't know how much longer i can be a burden to my wife and to my immediate family, nor do i know how long my mind will let me be able to deal with being an almost complete dependent. it's very much NOT me to be that way.
then, there's the other side of the coin. i want to do this in the worst way and begin to make the changes in my wieght and in my LIFE that will allow me to live to the fullest and will give me a chance to do anything i want to do. however, in many ways, i'm scared. i dont't know what to expect, and the unknown is exceptionally difficult for me. i worry about the diabetes co-morbidity and how i'm going to deal with that AND all the natural change that comes with wls. i'm very scared of the possibility of drastic complications post-surgically that will require additional hospitalization or in-depth treatment as i'm having to pay for this on my own with the help of some very generous family members. i worry about how the changes will effect my marriage and my wife, whom i love with all my heart. no, i'm not sitting around wringing my hands with worry and grief every day, and i 'm certainly not to a point where i feel that the cons outweigh the pros for going through with this. but there are moments and times when i am scared. i don't think that's unnatural. but i also know that it isn't any fun.
this site has been very helpful to me. i'd still like to make contact with one or two people who have or have close relatives with type I diabetes who have had wls. so far, i haven't been able to talk with someone walking that road to share insight with me, and i think that i need that. however, i'm glad to have a place to go where i can read and find information that is from and for the patient and is not a technical medical journal or whatever.
0 comments
at this point, it's looking like i could get a surgery date as soon as mid-march, which is the goal that i'd set for myself awhile back. i'm a VERY short person (5'0") and my bmi is extremely high. (i don't have it in front of me, i'm terrible at math and haven't memorized the figure.) i feel like if i don't do this relatively soon that the consequences will be drastic. i don't know how much longer i will be able to keep up the pace necessary for me to go to work each day. i don't know how much longer i can command my brain to override the nagging depression that is accompanying all of this. i don't know how long i can endure the paranoia i feel about eating in front of my family or anyone else because i keep thinking that they're sitting there saying to themselves "do you REALLY think you should eat at all?" (i know they're not saying that, and i know that i have to eat whether i weigh 150lbs or 500lbs.) i don't know how much longer i can be a burden to my wife and to my immediate family, nor do i know how long my mind will let me be able to deal with being an almost complete dependent. it's very much NOT me to be that way.
then, there's the other side of the coin. i want to do this in the worst way and begin to make the changes in my wieght and in my LIFE that will allow me to live to the fullest and will give me a chance to do anything i want to do. however, in many ways, i'm scared. i dont't know what to expect, and the unknown is exceptionally difficult for me. i worry about the diabetes co-morbidity and how i'm going to deal with that AND all the natural change that comes with wls. i'm very scared of the possibility of drastic complications post-surgically that will require additional hospitalization or in-depth treatment as i'm having to pay for this on my own with the help of some very generous family members. i worry about how the changes will effect my marriage and my wife, whom i love with all my heart. no, i'm not sitting around wringing my hands with worry and grief every day, and i 'm certainly not to a point where i feel that the cons outweigh the pros for going through with this. but there are moments and times when i am scared. i don't think that's unnatural. but i also know that it isn't any fun.
this site has been very helpful to me. i'd still like to make contact with one or two people who have or have close relatives with type I diabetes who have had wls. so far, i haven't been able to talk with someone walking that road to share insight with me, and i think that i need that. however, i'm glad to have a place to go where i can read and find information that is from and for the patient and is not a technical medical journal or whatever.
About Me
Ney, OH
Location
61.4
BMI
Surgery
03/30/2009
Surgery Date
Jan 11, 2009
Member Since
