pennisweet
May 15, 2005
My name is Penni and I have been overweight all my life. I remember being in Weight Watchers in the third grade and weighing in at 110 pounds. My mom thought she was doing me a favor by taking me there and I was excited that my mom was just paying attension to me. I have wondered about this surgery for a long time but never thought it was a reality for me. My husband didn't know much about it and he wasen't as excited about it as I was. Finally I told him that I didn't think I had much hope if I didn't check this out so I did. I called this place that was closest to my home and they said I had to go to a seminar. My husband and I went and afterward we were both convinced that this is what I needed to do. I sent in the first paper for them to check with insurance and I am waiting on the place to contact me about seeing the doctor. As I am reading the profiles of everyone else I can't help but cry and wonder if this "thing" is obtainable. Anyway, I have two children boy 1, and girl 5. My 5 year old was looking at the before and after pictures and she kept saying wow mommy! I can't to be able to play at the park with her and I don't want my son to remember me as fat and boring. Well, that is it and I am praying that I hear from the office soon so I can begin this jouney.
July 1, 2005
I am pretty hopeful today because I called my insurance and they said that having a sleep study wouldn't help or hinder my approval. I had a sleep study schedualed for July 2 but they called and said that in order to have a sleep study done until I have a letter of necessity from pcp. PCP is gone until next week. That is when I called insurance and they told me that a sleep study dosen't matter for approval. That means for my consult July 6 I will have everything to give to my surgeon for insurance. Insurance also told me the things I need to have and I do have everything. Hopefully I will be approved soon and get a surgery date. yea!
July 7, 2005
I had my first meeting with my surgeon yesterday and he said that I am a great canidate for gastric bypass. I talked to the "insurance lady" and she went over everthing I need. I am in the process of getting it all over there so she can send it in for approval. I hope the people who are getting letters together do it promply. Then when they get it all there I hope that insurance will approve quickly---that is alot of hopefully's. My emotions are running wild and my nerves are in close second. I just have to remeber that God is in contol of all of this and in his time things will happen. I went to wal-mart yesterday after the appointment and when I got home you would have thought I ran a 10K. My back and my joints hurt so bad I had to lay around the house the rest of the night. I will be glad when I really can run a 10K and feel great!!!
July 11, 2005
I woke up today with a sense that I wasn't going to get this surgery soon. I don't know I guess it is just a new week and I don't want to get my hopes up that all my letters and things will be sent to Dr. Hornbustle's office. I am waiting on pcp letter, records from pcp's office, psych. evaluation from my new psychiastrist who may not want to give me a letter because she dosen't know me very well. I know that eventually these things will come but when I read everyone elses profiles it makes me think this is never going to happen. I know that God will make it happen in His own way, I just need to be patient.
July 13,2005
I am still waiting! I wish someone would call me with some news. I am still waiting for letters. Please Lord, let this thing start happening.
July 30, 2005
It has been a while since I updated. I was a little discouraged there for a while. I had asked my doctor back on June 26 to please write a letter for my insurance, he said he would. I was hoping to get it by my first consult with my surgeon July 6. Little did I know it would take much longer than that. I kept calling and calling because not only did I need a letter for insurance I had gotten some tests done and he hadn't even called about that. Finally I got a call from him on July 20. He said that he had sent my records and a letter over to my surgeon's office and told me that he wanted me to see a rumatoligist (spelling). My sed. rate is high and I am so stiff now it is hard for me to get up and walk. I have to get up because I have two kids to take care of but it hurts so bad sometimes I have to just sit down and rest. To say the least I finally got all the documentation and it is at my surgeon's office hopefully she will be prompt in sending it to my insurance company, I know she will because she is so great. I did that yesterday and today I feel alot better knowing that is out of my hands now and in the hands of God. I just hope it is soon because I don't know how much longer I can take this pain.
September 25, 2005
It has been so long since I have written. Alot has happened. My insurance had gotten everything and said all that they needed was a psych. eval. I went to a therapist 3 times and she wrote an eval. for my insurance. As soon as that was sent (last week) my insurance approved and now I have a date. November 11, 2005. I am so excited and nervous at the same time. I can't believe it is happening so quickly. I saw a laproscopic surgery done last night on a show and it was interesting. I am not so worried about the surgery because I know I am in good hands with Dr. Hornbustle. I am more worried about learning how to eat after surgery. I am addicted to food and I am afraid that I will see food and want it. I know with the support of my family and God I will do great its just the anticipation. Keep me in your prayers, Penni
December 13, 2005
I haven't updated this file for a long time. I thought I would do it now. I did have my surgery November 4, 2005 and I am doing great! I have lost 40 pounds today and really can't believe it. God has really blessed me with this surgery. The first 2 or 3 weeks were rough for me. I did fine with surgery but when I got home I was depressed. I thought I would never lead a "normal" life. I think I acually went through withdraw like an alcoholic goes through withdraw. I wanted to eat so bad! Now that I am able to eat alot more I am feeling better, not as much head hunger. I am praying that God will give me the strength to continue eating healthy for the rest of my life. It is still a dream that I even had the surgery at all sometimes I have to take a step back and realize that it is real. My hubby and the rest of my family are so happy for me. My daughter is so sweet--the other day I was getting ready to go somewhere and she kept staring at me, I asked her what she was starting at and she said "mom, I can't stop staring at you you are so pretty." That was enough for me! She is only 5 years old and way beyond her years. She says things that would come out of an adults mouth. I am feeling so much better, but my back is still hurting. I need to consult my surgeon about it at my next appointment which is the 15th. Now that I am loosing I hope this pain goes away and that it is not something rather than my weight. That is all for now, I will update more often. Penni
December 22, 2005
I just wanted to update. I have been out 2 months the 4th January and have lost a total of 45 pounds! It is hard to believe I have to pinch myself to see if I am awake. I have alot to thank God this Christmas. I can't wait to see how I will be next Christmas. People are saying that they can really tell I have lost alot and that I look great! Bless God.
January 4, 2006
Well it is 2 months out and I thank God for my journey so far. I have lost 51 pounds since surgery and 71 from the first consult. My family are so encouraging. I saw them on Jan. 1 for Christmas and they were so excited for me. They had not seen me since the surgery. I am down from a 26 to a big 18. Hopefully I will be able to fit 18 jeans soon. I have been trying new foods and have been great with everything. No suger because I am to chicken to try it, puking is not my idea of a good time. I thank God for all my friends I have in results to this surgery. My journey continues. God bless!
January 11, 2006
I am doing great! I have now lost 56 pounds. I haven't weighed 232 in a long time. I thank God for the blessings he has given me. I am able to eat pretty much everything but I have to eat very little. I am trying to get in my protein everyday. I know that it is very important. Tomorrow a friend I have met through my support group, her name is Stacey and I am looking forward to spending time with her. I love talking with people that have had the surgery, we have alot in common. I'll close for now.
January 20, 2006
I have lost 63 pounds that brings me to 226. It is hard to believe. Other people see how great I am doing but when I look in the mirror I still see fat. I know that is common. I know I will always feel that in a way. Yesterday I cleaned out my cleaned out my closet. I got rid of alot of stuff. It was a bitter sweet because as I was pulling things out and putting them in the box it was sorta like I was putting away a little of me. There were certain items that held special memories to me and I knew that I would never see them again. It was kinda burying my old self and taking on a new on.
January 28, 2006
Well, I have lost 65 pounds and weigh 223. Yesterday I weighed 222. I know I shouldn't weigh everyday but I can't help it. So, because I do that I see the ups and downs. I am getting my protein in with the help of shakes. I ordered Unjury and right now I am not all that impressed. I know that I need to mix them better with other things. I started excersizing this week and really liked it. I walk the treadmill and work out on the machines. I used the ball for some sit ups. I missed last night because we had our portrait taken. I did look good in the pictures! I can't wait to get them. Over all I am feeling good and doing good. I only have good things to push toward.
February 8, 2006
Thought I would update my profile. As of this morning I weigh 217 which means I have lost 72 pounds. I feel like a new person. I am working out now walking 30 minutes, biking 15 and weight training. I can't believe the difference in my energy level. I can keep the laundry up and clean the house. My hubby dosen't have to work 40 hours a week and then clean the house too. He is the most loving, caring, supportive person I have ever met and I am blessed to have him. He is blessed to have me too. I am now getting my protein in. For breakfast I usually have coffee with reduced french vanilla and one scoop of vanilla protein. Lunch and dinner are usually protein with maybe a veggie and snack fruit. I am getting my water in and I can't believe I am doing this. It still seems like a dream. My family is all so proud of me, my Aunt Mary is scared that I am not eating and that I am losing too much weight to fast. I explain to her that I am doing everything right. This is a dream and getting better everyday.
February 14, 06 Valentines Day!
I am alittle disappointed because I haven't worked out since last Thursday. I just can't wait until warm weather so I can walk during the day outside. I do feel great about my weightloss. As of today I have lost 74 pounds. Lately I have had some head hunger. I had to make a cake the other day for my mom-in-law and it was so hard to not be able to have a piece of it and it is still in my kitchen. I also had a hard weekend. I was preoccupied with death. Afraid that I may die from complications from the surgery. I made the mistake of reading the memorial page of this site. The profiles of these people were so excited about having surgery and then they died. They didn't know that they were going to die. They seemed so happy! Then Marybeth (my daughter) went to stay all night with her good friend on sat. (she is 5 and in kindergarten). They went out of town to go skating and to her grandparents house. I just kept getting these feelings that I was going to get a call saying she was hurt or dead. I just had to stop and give it to God. He is always with her when I can't be there. Sometimes I give the devil a foothold and I need to renouce him and cling to my Lord. Everything was fine and now I am feeling much better. I am in the process of finding a therapist who doesn't cost alot because my insurance isen't very helpful. I need to do this because I have some issues with the wls and on top I have bipolar and my psychiatrist recommends it also.
February 21, 2006
Tonight I went to a MOPS meeting (mother's of preschoolers) and everyone was so happy for me. I showed some before pictures to Laura Wheatly and she couldn't believe it was me. We had roast, carrots, mashed potatos and gravy. It was great. People couldn't believe I was eating so little so slowly. I thought I was eating alot. I think people are really shocked what a have to eat and how little. The speaker was about our lovers. I need to remember that I need to submit to my husband and know that he is leading me in the right direction. It was a good time. My weight--212 76 pounds.
March 6, 2006
It has been a while since I updated so I thought I would write some. I am now 206, only 6 pounds from my first goal! This is very exciting for me. There has been two things that has happened that I am so proud of since I have written last. Two Sunday's ago I was sitting in church and I crossed my legs for the first time in 14 years! I thought I would give it a try and I DID IT! Another thing this past Saturday I went to Wal-mart and went straight to the plus section and started picking things out. My cousin was with me and she said that the stuff I was looking for were all going to be to big, so she lead me to the regular department. I went but didn't go easily because I didn't want to try stuff on that was going to be to small, which I had done all of my life. We picked up some clothes to try on size 16's and I headed for the try on place. The first ones we picked out were all to small or didn't feel right so obviously I wasen't going to pick out anymore but my cousin insisted so once again I followed. We picked out some more size 16 and headed to the try on place. I told her if these didn't fit I was done. The first outfit I tried on---nope didn't fit but the second outfit FIT. I really looked good in it and my cousin agreed. The second outfit I tried on FIT. I was in shocked and I realized that I had tried on my first outfits in the regular section and was acually going to buy them. Now, why can't I realize that they were 16's and not 28's? I am the one who tried them on and I was the one who bought them (with the help of my lovely cousin) and I was conviced that they weren't for me. My mind is so twisted! When will I realize that I am a size 16? I AM A SIZE 16! I still look in the mirror and see all the imperfections and see that fat person looking back at me. I hope that my mind will some day catch up with my body. I watched a show last night on the discovery channel about a woman who had lost almost 500 pounds or so and she had ALOT of hanging skin. She had a circumstancial body lift and leg surgery to remove skin (2 surgeries of course). She was in excruciating pain and laying there it was as if I was experiencing it as well. I think all together they removed like 20 pounds of skin when it was all said and done. I hope and pray that I won't have to do that! If I don't have alot of skin I probably won't have plastic surgery unless I absolutly have to do it and insurance would pay for it.
March 16, 2006
I haven't updated for a while so I thought I would. Things have been going great for me. I read about people having such complications from the surgery and God has blessed me with perfect health. I feel great! I am down to 202, just 2 more pounds from my first goal of 200. I am in a XL shirt and 16 pants (most pants). The other day I tried on my size 26 jeans and flipped. You really don't realize how much you have lost until you see the pants you use to wear. My daughter and I got into thoughs pants together, her in one leg and I in the other. SO CRAZY! I have been going shopping, to much I think, and I love going to the regular section there is so many more selections to choose from. Makes me sorta sad because there was so little in the plus size section. I still find myself going straight to the plus section out of habit then I look at the clothes and know that they will be to big for me. I still look in the mirror sometimes and think, "man I am so fat!" It is nice to have people reinforce that I am looking so good. I know I look good but I still can't believe that it is me. I still get scared that I am going to gain it all back, like all the times before. My head hasen't caught up with my body yet. Well, that is all for now.
March 24, 2006
I have some exciting news!!!! I am under 200! I have lost 90 pounds and I am only 10 pounds from 100. This is a dream. I am looking good. The other night we went skating, I put some skates and it is not like riding a bike at all. I fell the whole time and only made it around once. I use to be such a great skater and I thought since I have lost weight I would try it, well just because you lose weight dosen't mean you can skate. Despite falling my hubby when I got off the floor winked at me and said I looked sexy out there. That was nice. I am up to eating whatever I want but definitly have to chew slow and take little bites. I do not eat crap for fear I will get sick. I have never vomited before and I want to keep it that way. I eat protein first, veggies and fruit. I have found that if I am wanting something sweet I will eat a couple of vanilla waffers, they are small sweet and crunchy. I really don't miss chocolate or real sugery things I would rather munch on sunflower seeds. All of my daughter's friends, when they are eating something say, " you shouldn't have any of this it will make you sick. It is so cute that they remind me. Then of course Marybeth has to remind everyone why I can't eat that---she is my coach (she is only 6). I feel great and only looking forward to doing all the things I sat back and watched during the spring and summer.
June 28, 06
Wow, I haven't updated in a while! Things are so wonderful. I have lost 122 pounds making me 166, can't believe it. I am in a size 14 on my way toward 12's, size x-large and when I look in the mirror I am shocked. I look in the mirror and then have to look again because I thought the first time I looked I was looking wrong. Alot has happened since March there is no way to write them all down. I will hit the highlights. In April my daughter had her 6th birthday and I am so proud of her. She is involved in so many things like Acrobats, tap, ballet but most of all she is doing great in school. When school ended she received the citizenship award which means more to me than anything else. I want my children to be kind and helpful to everyone. My son (now 2 and 4 months) is growing like a weed and is so funny! He tries to make us laugh, maybe he will be a comic someday. I started babysitting here and there. I watch the two kids across the street about 2 to 3 times a week. I am involved in alot of activities now that I feel like doing them. I definitly keep busy. My husband and I are doing better in the sex department. At first we were even afraid of having sex because we were so scared of getting pregnant. Now I count my days and know pretty much when I ovulate. There is always a chance I could get pregnant but now I think I would be o.k if I did, so things have been great! I am staying home with my kids and doing the housemom thing. I like it because I love being home with my kids and having time to do the laundry etc.... I have two really great friends that I love to visit with we get together for coffee and chat about things I wouldn't chat with anyone else. Both of their kids are Marybeth's age so it makes it fun. I thank God everyday for the close friends He has given me through the years. "God is good"! I am very involved in my church with the youth and now singing alot more during service. A really bad tragity happened Mon. (June 26) In Clinton Mo there was an elks meeting at the lodge and the 3rd floor crashed on top of the 2nd floor killing one person. That one person was part of our church. He was a very big part in our church. He left behind a wife and 2 children (3 and 6) The crash was a big shock to Clinton and to all the towns around it. It is hard to see something like that happen. Imagine, you go to a meeting never thinking that you will be home that night and you get into a freak accident and never come home. Makes me kiss my family alittle extra than normal.
I am looking forward to having fun this summer and seeing people that hasen't seen me since surgery.
August 5, 06
Thought I would update! My life is a total suprise. I feel like I am in a dream. I can do anything and loving it. I am in a size 12 jeans (the botton type) and I can get into some M shirts. This summer has gone quickly but this is the first summer I have enjoyed and not wanting to stay inside all day because of the heat. I have seen people that haven't recognized me and I have to go up to them and say hi they are shocked. I share my success with anyone and everyone as a matter of fact I have to watch how much I talk about it. My hubby says not everyone wants to talk about my surgery every moment. I understand that totally. I am 9 months out and I have about 20 pounds until goal what an awesome thing. I have been losing about 10 pounds per month so it shouldn't take me long. I am still following all the rules although carbs are still my downfall ( I still love cheezits)! I have to admit I need to excersise regularly instead of just here and there. When people say I am tiny I look at them and am in disbelief but then look at the clothes I am wearing and realize I can get into them, this is the only way I can be truthful with myself. I still feel like that fat girl sometimes but I give myself a reality check and realize I am that skinny girl I have always wanted to be. This surgery was the best thing I ever did in my life. I have had no complications! The only thing I would change is my skin, yes it is wrinkly like a charpa puppy but I would take that over being morbidly obese anyday. I checked my bmi the other day and I am finally in the overweight catagory and working toward being in the normal catagory. The sun is shinning and the birds are seeing "can you hear the angels singing"? This is the best time in my life!
October 17, 2006
I can't believe it has been this long since I have updated my profile! Alot has changed. The most exciting part is I am 7 weeks pregnant! Matt and I have been doing natural family planning since before the surgery so I wouldn't get pregnant and mess up the surgery date and then after so I wouldn't get pregnant to soon. In Sept. I was 4 pounds from my goal of 134 so I asked Matt if he thought we should start trying to have a little one (you never know how long it will take to conceive). Well, I ovulated Sept. 16 we had sex and wam I am pregnant. I thank God ever day that He worked it out just as I planned it. I am due June 8, 2007. Hopefully I will only gain 20 pounds or less so I can lose it right away after the baby is born. At first I was scared to death because I just new that I was going to gain all my weight back and this time of fat freedom was over. Now I feel better about it THANKS TO THE PEOPLE ON THE POST SURGERY FORUM! I love this family of people here who support me so much. The down side of being pregnant is I can't take my bipolar medication so I have had some mood swings--none that I can't handle. I am seeing my psych today about my meds and next week I am starting counsiling. I really feel on top of my life and somewhat in control. I am enjoying tucking my shirts into my tight fitting jeans and seeing people's faces when they see me for the first time since the surgery. I had a homecoming this last weekend and people were just amazed and I tell them that I thank God for my transformation and that I am so much happier. I feel light as a feather and even enjoy excersise (when I can do it). I did join a gym the other day but it is only open for excersise 2 a week in the evenings so I have to find something else to do for the other days. Life is great right now and it can only get better!
