2 day pre-op roller coaster

Oct 20, 2012

 So surgery is happening on Monday at 8am.  or at least that's when I have to be there.  The actual surgery isn't until 10am.  I'm really kind of scared.  I keep thinking that the worst could happen and freaking myself out.  I have two little girls.  I keep thinking that I could die and they'd be so sad.  What will happen to them?  I know their Dad would take great care of them, but still.  Girld need a mommy right?  Then 5 minutes later I start thinking YES!  Girls need a Mommy!  That's why I'm doing this, so that I WON'T die and leave them behind without one.  

I'm kind of a mess.  I am fully committed to doing this, and have been nothing but positive up until today, but now, at the 11th hour i am starting to waver in my resolve.  Does that happen to everybody?

I know most Surgeons around here seem to put everyone on a 2 week liquid diet pre-op, but my doctor didn't.  He and the nutritionist put me on a 1200 calorie a day diet for the last month or so.  It's been OK. although last week was my birthday, and I over indulged.  A lot.  I hated myself for it, but I guess I really am a work in progress.  Food is such an addiction.  Is everyone who is as Fat as me a Food addict too?  I guess so.  

So I'm now 1 day, 20 hours, 27 minutes and 50 seconds away from surgery.  I'm on full liquids for these 48 hours,
I can appreciate that many others had it much worse than I do, but it still sucks.  The consensus is that the first 2 says suck the worst, and while I'm not going to have to do this for two whole weeks, it's still the "first two days" for me.  And they suck so far.  I'm flippin' hungry.  I keep telling myself it will all be worth it, and it will be over very soon.  On the plus side, I have been trying to distract myself by doing stuff around the house.  I've cleaned my bedroom, and the Kitchen.  Next come the Bathroom and the kids rooms. I want to make sure everything is done before I go in, so that I don't have to worry about the mess afterwards.  The problem with this flawless plan is that I'm leaving Dad with the youngun's while I'm in the hospital, and he isn't renowned for his housekeeping skills.  I expect the bed will be unmade, the sink full of dishes, toys all over the house, you get the idea.  then he'll be bewildered as to why I'm mad when i get home...which will make me more mad.  I'll just have to turn a blind eye and remain Zen like. (as if)

Anyway, I'm going to go make myself some delicious Broth or something, and take a bath.  

 

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