PhoenixMedusa

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I was recently featured on our local news in the healthy news section:

http://centralny.ynn.com/content/health/healthy_living/574330/healthy-living---gastric-bypass-surgery/

:)
The great thing is that people have contacted me and I am meeting with several people who are interested in the surgery and want to talk to someone who has been through it.  

I have not been on here in months and several people had sent me friend requests and tried to post to my blog but because I had not been checking my account all the requests ran out and I could not respond to them.  I really appreciate all the people who had such positive things to say and I would love to add you to my friends list.  I am going to be tracking some of you down to try and friend you.
I am still doing great.
I have lost 147 pounds and am at my goal weight...I feel great and am so happy.

 

I highly recommend this book to anyone.  I was turned off by the title at first but then someone who read it explained to me that this is not about a particular religion or path and the God in the title was not what you would think.
It is a wonderful book that has helped me so much.
Here is a quote from it:

"To discover what you really believe, pay attention to the way you act-and to what you do when things don't go the way you think they should. Pay attention to what you value. Pay attention to how and on what you spend your time. Your money. And pay attention to the way you eat.
You will quickly discover if you believe the world is a hostile place and that you need to be in control of the immediate universe for things to go smoothly. You will discover if you believe there is not enough to go around and that taking more than you need is necessary for survival. You will find out if you believe that being quiet is unbearable, and that being alone means being lonely. If feeling your feelings means being destroyed. If being vulnerable is for sissies or if opening to love is a big mistake. And you will discover how you use food to express each one of those core beliefs. "

From Women Food and God by Geneen Roth

So yesterday was my one year surgiversary. 
I cannot even believe it has been a whole year.
I started out at 287 and am today 145 which was the goal I decided on when I blew past my first goal which was 160 and then changed to 150.  I am 5'4" and they say between 125-145 but I feel pretty good right where I am.  Today I went into a consignment store and started trying on the 10's because that is what I have been fitting into...too big....tried on 6 pairs of jeans size 8...too big....I was like WHAT?????  I tried on several pairs of size 6 and they fit!!!  A size 6 ....I never ever thought that would be possible.
So last night I did go out for a bit even though I have been sick. 
Here is a pic of me ...in a short skirt and boots!  Woot!  I love my life, I love being 50 and I love the inward change that has happened as well.  It has been and continues to be a wonderful journey for me.





A pic of me before my surgery to compare:

Well it does not seem possible but I am 5 pounds from my goal weight.  I am 11 months out from my surgery and I feel fantastic.  I feel so blessed by the Goddess.  I did not lose any hair, have not had any complications and I am just feeling Golden.  Why do I think it has worked so well?  For one I think it was going to a center of excellence where they really know what they are doing.  I have followed every single thing they laid out for me.  I do not break the rules they gave me.  I do not eat what I am not supposed to or do I want to.  I really came to love myself and wanted to do this for me.
I love my life.
I have a new job, my body has changed and I have changed inwardly.

I am so blessed.
The first pic is me at my starting weight of 287.  The second pic was taken a couple of weeks ago.  :)  People do not recognize me that have not seen me in a long time.


Did I say I love my life?  Yes, I guess I did...but I LOVE MY LIFE!  Why?  Because I have realized that I am the only one who can make the changes that brought about my success.  This surgery is a wonderful tool but you have to work at it.  

I celebrated my 50th birthday over 100 pounds lighter than last year.  I feel like I am going into this phase of my life with so much going for me.  I am looking forward to what the future holds for me.  Today I am really thankful for this surgery that has changed my life for the good.

Here is a pic of me at 50 in my pirate gear.....Yaaarrrrrr

I am 9 days from my seven month surgiversary and I have lost 105 pounds.  I am less than 40 pounds from my goal.  This is such a wonderful journey.  I feel fantastic.  I am off my diabetes medication and my high blood pressure meds.  All my blood tests are excellent and I sleep like a rock.  Today I went to Goodwill to get some new clothes and the 16 pants I was wearing just a couple of weeks ago are too big *happy dance* I am down to 183 pounds and I want to get down to 150 or less.  

So feeling great and loving life.

I knew that at some point I would grieve part of my former lifestyle. I pulled a card before my surgery and laid it on the altar as the focus for that time period. I pulled the death card. Of course those who read tarot know that is the card of total transformation. I am going through a total transformation. I am dying to an old way of living and completely recreating myself. Last week I decided to do a complete reading for myself. The card that represented me was the three of swords which was covered by...the death card. My readings tend to be pretty right on most of the time. My past card was the 9 of swords and my future card was the High Priestess. What I got from that was that I was in a place of sorrow, loss and grieving right now but this was because of the energy that is most prevalent in my life which is major transformation. Just like a snake who sheds its skin there is discomfort when we go through a transformation. When I saw the three of swords at first I was puzzled. I thought...what am I grieving? Because the day I did the reading I was still on cloud nine and feeling fantastic. I still feel fantastic but I had not yet begun to grieve. My past card was about the sleepless nights I have spent worrying about things and most recently that was that I would die from the surgery. The future card I feel represents that I will step into a higher level of living after this experience. I thought about that 3 of swords for most of the day and then it dawned on me that I would grieve for my past lifestyle or at least part of it. It is a natural part of this kind of transformation.
The grieving has been coming in small waves. I experience moments when I feel I am left out of things because others around me are completely focused on food for a celebration and I am slowly eating my 1/4 cup of whatever protein I have for that meal. Yesterday was particularly hard because we had Christmas Eve dinner at Waynes parents house. Every year Waynes dad makes Lasagna. It seemed that half the conversation was about what was in it and how yummy it was. Now the funny part is I was not hungry at all. I was just quietly eating and listening but my monkey brain was talking non stop about how great it would be to have just one bite...just one....I felt like crying. But I did not cry. I reasoned with my monkey brain and then finally I told it to shut the frick up. I realize this is going to be a process of retraining my brain. I have a stubborn monkey brain. This might take some time. Food has been a huge part of my life for so long. It has been a comfort to me. It has been my friend in many ways. Now I must find other ways to cope with things. I do find that writing helps me.
I just wonder...how did we go from needing food to fuel our bodies to a society that is totally focused on food for entertainment? I am sure that advertisements have some to do with that. Add to that the food centered shows on tv now and family gatherings that are based on huge feasts. Well, maybe it has always been that way.
So I am in mourning for a lifestyle I lived for close to 40 years. I was only overweight for 30 of those years but I started my overeating and eating for comfort in my teens. So for 40 of my 50 years on this earth that was my lifestyle. I feel that it held me back in many ways. When others were excited about an event because of what was going to be going on I was thinking about what we were going to eat there. When I would go places I would be worried about things like whether I am going to be able to fit in the seat and would I have to walk in front of a bunch of people. I dreaded buying clothes and would not look at myself below the chin in a mirror. I did come to a place of loving myself for who I was finally. It was only then that I made the choice to do this surgery. Once I loved myself just as I was I realized that I had been abusing this body that was such a gift. It was a real struggle though. For several years I was just angry. Angry that people judged me for my weight. Defiant about being judged I was determined to stay as I was and show the world that fat was who I was. It became a huge part of my identity. But I was not happy because I knew that my food habits were killing me. My blood pressure was high and I was on diabetes medication. My right hip was so painful that I had to walk with a cane. I was getting to the point where I was going to have trouble buying any clothing even in Lane Bryant. That is what I drew the line. I did not want to die young. I wanted to see my grandchildren grow up. I wanted to do things in this life. I was going to be turning 50 and as far as I was concerned this was the beginning of an even more exciting part of my life. I am wiser now, I have forgiven myself of the past and I no longer was carrying the baggage that had haunted me for years. It was time to drop the physical baggage I had accumulated on my body as well.
So today I must remind myself of the rewards as I grieve for my past lifestyle. The rewards are already manifesting. I came out of the hospital off my high blood pressure meds. Four days ago they took me off my diabetes medication and my blood sugar is in the normal range for the first time in several years. I am not having to use my cane as much and soon I hope to not have to use it at all. My mind is clearer than it has been in years. I have energy and I feel great physically. I will get through this grief and come out the other side a woman with more life experience and stronger than before. Loss is not easy, but we get through it and it molds us into who we are becoming. The becoming part...never ends. I have always thought of life in that way.

So it is Tuesday December 7th and I have been out of the hospital for two days.
I am still doing great and still am very happy I had the surgery.  
I have had a little bit of gas pain but nothing else.  I am having a hard time getting all the protien in because it seems as soon as I drink one protein shake it is time for something else so I am drinking all day long.  But I am getting used to that.  
I finally had my first B.M. this morning which I was starting to get worried about.
I went to the pharmacy with my husband yesterday and walked for twenty minutes up and down the aisles while we waited for my diabetes supplies.  After that I slept for 2 hours.  It was a really nice sleep too.  I have been sleeping really good.
I went home from the hospital off my high blood pressure meds.  I think I will eventually be off the diabetes medication.
They were giving me insulin shots in the hospital.  I had never had them before.  My doctor said that my primary should have already had me on insulin because of the test they did that showed my sugar was not under control.  
So things are going well.   I am glad they keep you off work several weeks because I am totally focused on when I have to get my protein in and sipping all day.  If I was at work I am afraid I would forget.  

I had my surgery on Friday December 3rd and it went perfectly. 
I have had no pain at all.  I am walking every two hours and have been able to tolerate all of the liquid diet I am now on.
I am so glad to be on the other side!