poolduck00
Ok, wow where do I begin....been overweight pretty much a big chunk of my life. Started getting overweight when I was like 18 and it never stopped. I found out I had PCOS which I can openly talk to people about now and love sharing my story with the next person who knows what it feels like to gain weight for no reason, hormonal changes up and down, hair loss, abnormal or lack of menstruls, failuer to ovulate, misscarriages, high blood pressure, facial and body hair, infertility, dry skin, dandruff, and many many many more symptoms that would make you cry on a daily basis....depression being one. Once I hit a size 16, I thought I was ok to be a black girl with junk in the trunk, a few boobs and hips to match....every man's dream.....so I thought. Then I got up to an 18 and 20 and still never really saw myself as a FAT girl....just thick....at least thats how they say it around my way. Then I went from a 20 to a 22 to a 24 to a 26 and never once really thought of weighing myself. I hopped on the scale one day and it said 299 and i was like OMG..WTF is going on and I told myself as long as I dont hit the 300 mark, I would be ok with the weight, so I dieted to keep myself from hitting the mark until I was blue in the face and finally one day, i said forget it....its not worth killing myself for 1 lb. So as time went on and age running along besde it, I never wanted to see my weight again.....hoping in the back of my mind that I would mysteriously lose about 15 lbs for some odd reason......NEVER happened. Instead, over the next 14 years, I gained 100 more lbs. Needless to say, I did feel bad, and worthless and ashamed at times. It was all kept to myself and no need to try to explain my situation to people who really wouldnt understand anyway. I went thru time after time of failuer to have a healthy baby and to have normal periods and to lose weight, and to join gyms and even to go thru insurance companies once before to try to cover the gastric bypass when it first started getting big on the scene. Everything failed for me. I started having panic and anxiety attacks about myself and life and where I would end up at. My life started spinning out of control with all that I was dealing with. I believed at one point at time that nothing good for me was meant to be. Out of 7 siblings, I am the only one who does not have any kids. I never realized how empty my life was until I began to long for motherhood. It finally hit me one day that no matter what I had to do or what it took, I would find peace within myself to ensure that my life meant something in the world and my weightloss was the target that I needed to do so. I got married and have a wonderful supportive husband who would rather see us broke, homeless and begging rather than to see me unhappy with the weight and yet and still he loves me no matter what choices I make with the surgery. So I am determined to have this surgery...even without insurance, and all the back and forth talk about the dangers and complications....I mean look at my life...what do I have to lose. I sometimes feel so sad inside because no one in the world knows how I feel. I made a statement and sworn promise to myself, my husband and God that if at all possible for me to have this surgery, I would do whatever it takes to live life to the fullest. I regret not taking chances 10 years ago but I have breath in my body today and I will do so as God allows me to and to make a difference in my life for once. I have chosen to have the VSG and im scared to death of what comes next. I have had so many fails in my life that I dont want this to be the last one. I wanted to share my story with you and hope that the success all of you have shown me somehow comes my way in a blessing when its my turn.
