prayinghard2day
It has taken me forever to write this because I really didn't know what to say or where to start. I recognize that I didn't know where to start because I wasn't really ready to start. But I am ready now, it's been time. The quote called "Success" by Ralph Waldo Emerson has been the view of success I adopted some years ago, my approach to life. But I woke up a few years ago to realize that I've laughed, I've loved but I really haven't lived. And to continue with my current situation would mean I never will.
I am a 40 something divorced mother of two adult children and grandmother of the most adorable 14 month old little girl in this world!! I have spent the better part of the last 22 years taking care of every body but myself. It's time!!! I've taken stock in my mom's motto "You ain't done nothing till you did something for some body else!" But I can't do nothing for nobody if I'm paralyzed by a stroke due to my high blood pressure or losing my sight or my limbs from diabetes. And at this rate that's where I'm heading.
I truly am a firm believer in God and in His timing, He is my source and my strength and I am a living witness of Psalm 37:25 because I have been young and now I am old(er) and I have never seen the righteous forsaken or his seed begging for bread. God has always provided and made a way out of no way for me. And here He is doing that yet again in the form of WLS.
I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be in the battle of my life due to being overweight. Growing up, the battle I had with weight was being considered too thin! I was called Olive Oyl and Boney a lot. My aunt who was a nurse worried about my weight and found a product called "Weight On" that my dad made me drink for years!! In my teens at 5'7" I averaged between 115 & 125 most of the time (a 7/8 & a 9/10). I blew up to a 13/14 for about 3 months one time at around age 17, but that was definitely short lived. As I look back I realize that I had terrible eating habits. I survived primarily off of sodas, chips & chocolate. I didn't begin eating better until I got pregnant. Under the misconception of eating for 2, I gained 70+ lbs. and by the time I lost part of that I was pregnant again. That time I did things even bigger and it took even longer to lose weight. I remember walking by a full length mirror at a child's birthday party and bursting into tears! I eventually joined Weight Watchers got down to a size 14, where I was really happy. I embraceded my curvatiousness!!!!!
I went thru some truly stressful periods in my life and I generally lost weight thru them all. Then about 10 years ago I started getting sick. I've battled with depression my whole life off & on, but I couldn't get out of this black hole I had fallen in. Then my symptoms got to be physical. I was exhausted, had headaches that would last for days. My body felt like I had been in some sort of car accident, I couldn't stand certain smells or certain lights would make me dizzy. After about a year of this, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and it's been a slippery slope ever since. Each dr. visit revealed a new conditon; diabetes, hypertension, rheumatoid arthritis and with each new condition there were new meds. and new side effects...and more weight. In a matter of the last year or so, I have gained at least 70 more lbs.
I did water aerobics and walked as much as I could, but WLS was never even an option. I got to the point where my feet hurt sooo badly and my joints are so painful I just couldn't exercise anymore. My ex husband kept after me about my weight and kept telling me to get wls (he had the RNY and lost 100 lbs.). I need to be able to take iron & pain meds. so RNY was out. My pcp totally refused to o.k. the Lapband. She stressed exercise and a change in my eating habits, because that had done very well for me for a while but my body seemed to be fighting against me.
I had all but given up until I saw an episode of Big Medicine last year where Dr. Garth performed a VSG. It was like this surgery was created just for me, an answered prayer. I started doing my research and found a dr. who does the surgery. I begin to do the pre-op thang only to find that that hospital doesn't even accept my insurance!
I jump back on the research horse 
, find another surgeon and again I'm doing the whole pre-op thang and I am waiting to take that next step in a very necessary journey and I anticipate SUCCESS!
