My Story: Updated

Feb 01, 2009

  Ok, it's been nearly two years (a year and 1/2+?) since I really have been on this site.  SORRY everyone.  I had to do some soul searching and it all has really paid.  Now I want to share my "Work in progress" story with you!
   So, A couple of years ago I was fed up with the constant gaining and losing DRASTIC amounts of weight and it was taking a toll on my health.  It was also taking a toll on all aspects of my life.  I had questioned Gastric years ago and considered even more, once my best friend had  undergone the procedure.  She is more than a year out and I couldn't be more proud of her.  Myself, I knew I should follow suite and use her strength too do something about my own health as well.  I did tons of research (as previously stated in my prior blogs) and tons of talking with people on OH. I even met tons of cool people here on OH!!  I decided I would pursue surgery and start the long journey ahead of me.  Hurdle after hurdle, I continued to pursue this surgery.  Not once, possibly taking any of this as a "sign".  I switched surgeons and found one that was willing to help me on the billing aspect (trying to get approved by insurance).  The horrible thing was EVERYTHING was coming outta my own pocket, when I didn't have money to really begin with *eek* STill, I knew this was my health and future I was talking about.  I was 1/2 way into the 6 month process and had uneasy feelings.  Not only was there a HUGE lanuage barrier at the surgery center I had chosen to change my life, but I started to feel like another number.  I started to feel like a "piece of meat".  What was worse, I really didn't TRUST the surgeon I had chosen.  I knew I had to listen to my heart and everything else.  I asked the question of "have I REALLY tried EVERYTHING"?!?  I thought I could answer no to this question, as I was just tired of everything.  Guess what? I could answer a resounding NO to this question.  I couldn't believe it.  All this money, emotions and time invested and I felt it wasn't for me,  at that point in my life.  I knew this was my health and I had to take a chance and have no regrets.  Next day I saw a flyer at work for a personal trainer.  I worked with the girlfriend of this trainer and was so scared and nervous.  I was well over 340 lbs at this point and the thought of seeing this trainer was something I had NEVER done.  I knew I had to give it a chance.  I had to give my health and life another chance.  THe first time, of course, I thought he was going to single-handed kill me.  haha.  But, I found myself ENJOYING my sessions and really getting into them.  The best part is I know this person cared for my well being and became a good friend.  I would workout at gym in between the times I wasn't there and made it a point to be more active during weekends.  I was SO happy to know I found more supportive people out there that helped me with words of enouragement.  For once I am NOT "dieting" at all.  Guess what? I LOVE IT! My trainer told me NOT to deprive myself and I would find I would want to do better and learn to eat the right way.  I finally do that!  I measure what I eat, while still having the things I do want.  If I have a bad meal or even a bad day..I finally can get right back on it with no feelings of remorse or shame (big thing with me!).  A little over a year later, I am still going to the trainer and enjoying my workouts.  About 5-6 months I did a body cleanse and found myself sick when trying to eat meat again.  So, I  no longer eat meat.  I still enjoy my fish, however :)   I also make juice (Love my Lallane juicer!) daily and i feel so much healthier.  Don't get me wrong, I still have a long way to go.  I lost about 70-75 lbs and I still have another 70 or so lbs to go!!  I just now I no longer care about "deadlines" or the time frame...I am enjoying being more active and enjoy eating healthier foods!  I enjoy the fact I occassionaly will have meals I want and am able to get back on it! 
   The reason I am saying all of this?  Funny thing is I had a couple people on OH question if this surgery really WAS for me.  They even stated they found success on watching what they ate and exercising.  Sad to say, I thanked them and pretty much dismissed them. I want to let people know I am an example of being able to make weight loss work and finally having things "click" (after SEVERAL years) without the took of WLS.  I think WLS is a VERY brave choice and I think everyone on here is SO amazing.  I know the journey is NOT an easy one, whichever route you decide to take.  Those of you that are thinking of surgery, just really question Have you really tried EVERYTHING??? I now know what the process entails and I am more "aware". Whichever route you decide on, the fact you decided to make a change in your life isa  HUGE one.  I think that is the biggest step you can make.  I am not saying one method is better than the other at all.  I merely am sharing my story and hope others may relate to it.   I cannot thank everyone for being so supportive on this site and I  hope I can be of support to everyone on here as well.  I know I will have moments where I might have moments of weakness and I'm thankful I can call on the OH community.  Thank you everyone!!  

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