2nd chance

Mar 14, 2012

I have not logged onto here in forever. I honestly thought I had my whole story here from my first surgery in 2006 but it's not here anymore. Long story short, had my first RNY 10/18 2006. My high weight prior to that was over 350, pre surgery I got down to 286. Dr. Gonzales did my RNY and I had no complications whatsoever. This is probably my downfall. I hear all the time about  post op patients that couldn't eat so and so becasue it made them sick. My problem has always been that I can eat anything and everything I want. And did sadly.

Within the first year I got down to 164 as my low weight. I was looking good at a size 12. For my height, that was still overweight though. What I wouldn't give to be back there though!! Fast forward to now, and and skip past the sob story and excuses why I gained back. I wouldn't say I failed. I really wouldn't. I weight right at 200 now, give or take a pound or two on any given day. I don't consider it a failure because I expected to gain back *some* of the weight after a time. I think overall I'm just disgusted with myself for gaining back what I did.

Last week I was able to locate the original doctor that did my surgery. And not an excuse,  but that was part of the problem, he left the practice he was at and I couldn't find him. I never had one single follow up after my 6 month checkup. However, I found him! Yeah!  The part that made me completely and totally happy was that he didn't beat me up about the weight gain like I thought he would or what I expected. He listened, and explained to me why he thought I had gained the weight back. and that was that. He scheduled me for an endoscopy to check out what my pouch looked like and said we'd go from there.
Endoscopy was a big of a pain. They took me back the first time, couldn't get my loopy doped up self to swallow LOL. Had to pull me out, and put me back under again. Took longer than expected. On top of that, I wound up with strep throat for an entire week after that.Which, of course, got passed to my family too. Anyhow,  I called him a few days later and he spoke to me on the phone. Explained to me that my pouch is actually an ok size, but the stoma itself is "the biggest he has ever seen". He said he as at a loss to why it is like that and has never seen anythign like that. Crazy eh? I have my suspiciouns why it is what it is. The soda/carbonated drinks perhaps? Just my guess. And yes, that is one of the many bad things I did or didn't give up. So, with that being said he said I am not a candidate for the ROSE procedure, which I had initially asked about. But, I am a candidate for a full revision and that is what he wants to do. That was actually week before last, not last week like I previously stated.

Things are progressing fast. Yesterday I got the call (Yes! Already!) that insurance has approved it. She was ready to schedule me right there and then! I have to make some plans though, money, etc, and time off before I jump off the cliff.

So, that is where I'm at right now. Just need to sit and plan when I can have it. She mentioned I would have to do the two week preop diet like before. It's all good.

Alot of people that I spoke w/ about having a revision before didn't understand why i would do it again if I wasn't compliant the first time. In my head, I know why I wasn't compliant, excuses or not excuses. And I honestly do knwo what I need to be doing...protein protein protein, eatin for fuel-not because it sounds good or to emotional eat, blood work, vitamins, check ups, and if I can afford it or find a way...therapy. To keep me in check w/ the emotional eating why I'm fat in the first place.

I think if I can do all of that...no, I KNOW, if I can do all fo that ,  I will succeed and get to my goal weight this time. This time too, I will get to my goal weight and get the tummy tuck. Even if I can just get the panelectomy it would be better. When I got down to 164  before I wanted it but waited because I wasnt' at goal yet. Had I done that, I think I would have kept on losing.

Motivation, support, a reality check, and close supervision from doctor and therapist this time. That's the trick. Once I get going I'll be good. Just gotta get going again. The ball is at the top of the hill right now teetering, getting ready to go down.

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