RachaelN

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Im down to 270. That is 30 since surgery and 47 overall. I am excited for that :) Im still working on the food issues but thought I would share some light.

Ok people, what a pretty saturday!
I started Yoga last week. I love it!!!!! I loved the coffee last night and I love the great people I am meeting and making friends with! (Love you too aunty Meghan!) My body feels good. I dont think im losing weight, but I feel good. However I do need some help.  

I dont want to be FLAMED for this! I need help and I talked about this at my meeting last night and I am following up from that. 

I did not want this to be me, I really believed I would dump but I dont. I remember when I had the pain of the surgery  and I was afraid to eat, now I am not. And I remember when I respected the insurance company and the cost of this surgery, i do, and i dont. 
I have been compulsively eating lately. I am not going to go into details cuz i dont want to get flamed for it. I need help and support and solutions. I have been overeating and then throwing up, this has happened 2 times in the last 3 days. I am not ok with this and I think its good that im seeking help early on. 

I talked to someone in my coffee group last night about a support group which I will check out, I am also open to other ideas. 

Thanks all for your support and I love ya's!
Rach

Thanks to all my OH friends and my Beautiful aunty Meghan, I had a much better day!
My period sucks this month!  I am such a freak lol.
Im working the overnight tonight 8p-8a and its only 11:30p and im already bored. 
I jumped on the scale and it said, 276. Thats cool. Means 24 pounds since surgery. Maybe it will go down more when the unwelcomed guest leaves. LOL!
At 5 weeks I dont think thats alot, but hey. With out surgery, id still be packing 317 (my over all is 41 now). 

So im happy and im glad to make new friends and the coffee group last night rocked. 

So everyone have a fantastic sunday. I will be sleeping lol

I am having a bad day. 
I ate some crap last night I shouldnt have, i had a headache all night and into this morning and felt nausiated.  Well Im starting to think it was more then the food, although the food helped. I walked 35 min yesterday morning then 1 hour of yoga in class last night. I got my period this morning. This could all be making me feel crappy. 

Plus im depressed, I take meds, maybe I need more, or just a new life. 
School- End of term projects due
Home - ALL my bills are past due, Its a MESS, my husband is taking a job in Colorado in 3 weeks. Then I will be a single mom with 3 kids, except when he is home for 1 week a month
Work - One of the county workers hates me and is rude to my staff. I cant make everyone happy, and if anything goes wrong it falls back on me.

I want to run away for real, where is my peace? I used to find it in food, now I cant eat. I used to find it in God, now im to busy to go to church. I sometimes found it in alcohol and smokes, not doing that either. 
Ok so thats my rant of the day. AND im pretty sure i havent lost weight in 2 weeks. Bah, ok im done whining LOL

One month has passed!

Well im still at the 20 pounds lost mark. I got my but chewed though at the clinic and I guess I deserved it. I have only been drinking about 16 oz of water a day and 14 oz of protien. About a 170 cals a day. I guess I am dehydrated and its time to put on the big girl panties and do the program right. So I am. I am up to 40 -60 oz of water per day (since the 6th) and 47 grams of protien about 500-600 calories. They told me not to watch the calories though, just the protein and water. OK so I am doing it. And I walked today for 30 minutes. I am trying. I really want this to work. Nothing ever has before and this must! I have been tracking everything on fit day and I took 1 month pics yesterday. I will get those on here soon i hope. 

Well I guess thats all I have to say. I hope the scale budges soon and I hope im not screwing this all up.

Wow sorry about the MIA on the posts! I was very busy my first week back at work and school. 40 hours of work and 15 hours of school. I was pretty tired but thanks to my good friend I am now on some vitamins. Im still on pureed foods but kinda venture off sometimes, like i blended up a strawberry in my yogurt. I hope this doesnt have bad consequences but it was good. Im getting bored with ground turkey. 

Anyway I weighed myself on friday and im down 20 pounds from surgery and 37 overall!!!!!!!! yippy. 9 more days till my 1 month check up! I cant wait. Im gonna be one of those people that lost 25 pounds my first month and that is very cool. I was worried I would only lose 10-15, not that thats bad but I wanted more. 

I need to exercise more and this rain is not helping! I have a punching bag in my basement I should be using. Would be good for toning up the arms. 

Well i have to be at work at 4:30 am and need to write a speech on mercury emissions... blah.  
Night Night
Rach

Sweet!!! my BMI is down to 44.5 from 51 :D thats cool

Well I am feeling alot better about my eatting. I cant always get in everything they want me to, but I do my best. Ive started walking and that is kinda hard, but im dealing with it. Lots of shoulder pain. 
Monday I go back to work. I am already having nightmares about dealing with psychologists and social workers etc. But im sure it will be fine. I always procrastinate and then jump in head first and enjoy. 
I went to walmart and rainbow and bought containers to put my pureed food in and a few jars of baby food to keep at work incase I forget my lunch. 
One thing im worried about is being tired all the time at work. I already feel sleepy and I dont do crap here. I sleep like 10 hours a night. This might be rough, again Ill get used to it. 
People are telling me I look like ive lost weight already. Its only been 2 weeks, I dont believe them. I cant wait for my one month appt to weight in :)
Happy Saturday
Rachael

Can I just say my angel is a rock star! I am really blessed!

I am starting to feel better. Im coming to terms with this new eating and I suppose when I see the dietician on April 9th, I will have alot of questions answered and the proof that this is working with my weigh in. ( im not weighing myself :P)

This morning I made something sooo good for breakfast. I use baby rice cereal and I mixed it with cran-rasberry juice instead of milk (I know, its a few more calories) I popped it in the microwave it came out a nice raspberry thick sauce and I plopped a tablespoon of yogurt over it... it was like a fruit and yogurt parfeit from mc'd's.  So it was a treat, but 3 tablespoons of goodness. :)

Rach

Ok im getting frustrated, I cried earlier and I hate crying! I should be blogging every night but im waiting, waiting to feel great and have a big loss so I can post all happy stuff.  But this is hard as hell to go through. I dont like eating or food anymore, I feel like im being routinely stuffed to death now. My tummy still aches. And I dont know if what im doing is ok. Everything is trial and error, and sometimes it just gets exhausting. 

Im not a whiner and I really appreciate this surgery, and im so lucky not to have complications, and I think my jeans are getting looser. I just want to not have it my focus all the time. Maybe going back to work will help. 

Ok thats enough for now. 

Love, Peace and Hairgrease!

I have had a busy busy day. Im sooo pooped

Went to the support group, that rocked, I loved everyone there and all their tips and stories :)

I started full liquids and got to have yogurt and creamy soup, mmmm good stuff but my pouchy hurts. 

sweet dreams :)