rchyrch

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I have been noticing the hair loss now for about a month.  I was hoping that it was just natural shedding, but after doing all kinds of weird poses with two mirrors today I have come to the conclusion that yes, My hair is falling out.  I knew this would happen- but I have lots of hair normally and thought you really woulnt be able to notice it.  With 2 hairdressers in the family, its not hard to notice! haha  Anyway- Im starting to see some scalp up there and have vision of me and my hubby sharing  the same wig someday.  (Thats a joke hahaha)  I cut my hair short because I got tired of lose hair falling all over me- but guess what- its still falling all over me, just littllier pieces of it.  Im really not too worried, like I said- I have lots of hair to spare, and I have never heard of anyone going totally bald from this, and I heard that it only lasts till month 6- not too bad.  On a bad note- I think I have hit a plateau- at this weekends weigh in I havent lost any weight since mothers day.  I have only plateau'd once before, right after surg I had a few weeks that I didnt lose anything.  This always makes me panic tho- oh my god- should I have not eaten that extra sugar free cookie????

Wow! My last post was in Jan- has it really  been that long?? My how time flies!!  I had my gastric bypass in Feb and Im proud to say that now, at three months out I have lost an incredible 80 pounds since my heaviest weight.  I dont "feel" much thinner- but everyone says I am... maybe someday soon I will get the nerve to post some pics.  B TW- am I the only dummy that didnt take before and after measurments and pictures? I guess I didnt feel the need since in the back of my mind I never dreamed I would suceed at this thing, now Im kicking myself!  For all those out there who feel like I have felt with the doubts about the surg... put away your doubts and do it- it is the best thing I have ever done for myself!  Besides the obvious benefits from the weight loss, I FEEL so much better and I find myself hungry to experience all the things out there that I have missed out on the last few years because of my weight problem.  Its the little things, liking taking walks, and working in my yard that just overjoy me!!  As the pounds come off Im looking forward to more and more and more- full steam ahead!!!

I have gotten over the initial nerves adn doubts that I experienced after I got my surgery date. Now Im soooo excited and feeling very positive.  My time is coming up ever so quickly!!  Feb 1 I go for pre-op stuff.  For some reason Im losing weight- 16 pounds now.  Its weird cuz IM eating no less- freinds say its because Im nervous about surg.  I dont know- but I do know I have lots of weight to spare, so Im not going to worry. Hahahah

OK- I have been planning on doing a journal on my weight loss after surgery.  Then I thought- why wait- start it now, I am defiantly in no shortage of thoughts and emotions to write about right now.  I guess whats holding me back is the public-ness of these blogs- I'm a pretty private person, but oh well.....here it goes.  Since I finally got my date (yea) I have been a wreck.  I am crabby, nervous, snippy and hypersensitive- oh yeah- did I mention scared to death??  Thats the neg stuff, don't get me wrong- I have lots of great things going on in my head too, but its all the negative stuff thats got me worried.  I wonder if I'm the only person who is going through this and does it mean I'm not ready?  I sure hope not, since I think I'm ready, want to be ready, hope to be ready.  I think lots of the doubts in my head are coming from my family, my mom has a big control over me and although I brush her "what ifs" off, I think they really are embedding in my mind.  Whats my biggest fear??  Lets see.... its not the surgery- I have confidence in my surgeon, I think its the fear of failure and never being able to eat again.  I mean- I obviously cant control myself now or I wouldn't look this way and need this surgery....so how am I going to control my self after surg?? Am I going to miss the food, am I going to be sad and feel deprived?  I read that the dumping deters you- but I have a pretty strong obsession with food- will it overcome the dumping?  I haven't been able to sleep good since I got my date- I lay down and my head starts whirling around- I think I could really use a good support group.  Unfortunately I cant find any in my area.  So whadda ya do?  I envision myself being thin and I want that so badly!!!!  I see myself going to my sons football games and actually being able to get in and watch because Ill fit through the little v-shaped gate thingy.  I see swimsuits, cute little tops, shoes that are not so sensible, I see the mirror and I'm smiling in it, I see not being afraid to go to my sons school, I see me walking and not having to sit down every 20 yards and Oooooohhhhhh I see  SHOPPING- thats gonna be grand!!  I want all these things- but why in the heck do I have all these fears and doubts holding me up??  I want to be excited- I want to be unafraid- I want to be confident that I can do this.  Another fear- my mom.  She also has a weight problem and I don't think theres hope for her to have this surgery because she has no insurance.  I don't want my success leaving her feeling badly and left behind.  I want to share my joy with her, but I'm going to have to tamper it down so I don't hurt her because she doesn't have the same joys and she is still overweight.  I hope thats not wrong of me to think this- but I know my mom and I'm pretty sure she's gonna feel this way.  I wish I was rich and could pay for her to have surgery too.  See- I warned you- I am experiencing a kaleidoscope of emotions here!!  Here they are... I'm putting them all out on the table for you (and me).