Courage

Jan 03, 2011

I logged on for the first time in years tonight - hoping for ... i don't know... a miracle?  That somehow by reading all I went through I can make the pounds I have regained disappear?  I notice that my last post was 3 days before my sister-in-law died unexpectedly -- which caused a huge spiralling whirlwind for me.  By the next dr appt I had gained 5 pounds so I cancelled and vowed to get it off before the next one....and so the story goes.  And, here I sit, heavier than I have ever been - even before WLS.  I am so disappointed.  My husband is disappointed in me.  My children are.  They all say they aren't - but I see their faces and I know.  And everyone else -- I can see/hear their disappointment in me as well.  How could I have done this to myself?  How could I have let all of that hard work and pain be for nothing.  How can I get back on track?  I've moved half-way across the country due to my job being eliminated.  I don't even know where to start.  I need something more powerful than me and I know God is in control and that I am disappointing him too but yet I seem powerless to do anything about it.  Is this my destiny?  Please, God, don't let it be my destiny...

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