renewedlife

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I had RNY on March 17, 2004.  My highest weight of record was 360lbs.  After that I never got on a scale...I may have tipped up to 375lbs easily.  Prior to surgery I had lost a total of over 100 lbs down to 268lbs by eating a vegetarian diet then re-gained up to 310-315lbs or so.  On the day of surgery, at the encouragement of my surgeon that it would be best for my organs, I lost approximately 10 lbs, to weigh 300lbs. 

Post wls, my lowest weight was 160/162lbs.  I never reached my personal goal weight of 145-150lbs although my surgeon felt my weight was fine.  My stable weight was 170-175lbs for years then around year 4 I slowly begin to gain.  I was a bit disappointed to learn that he didn't do an aggressive bypass and while he made my pouch smaller, he was very conservative with the amount of intestines bypass.  This put the pressure on my years later to really work this tool.

For the most part I have done well; however, I know it seems after two pregnancies it has been more difficult to manage my weight.  With the first, I weighed up to 238lbs and since the second around 220lbs.  I know I can't blame this all on pregnancy.  I had not worked out consistently in over 3 years...primarily due to an ankle injury...which limits me to zero-impact and modified exercises.  

Due to schedules and other limitations, getting to a gym isn't feasible right now.  Well my aunt loaned me her gazelle several months back.  I piled clothes on type of it, took them off, stared at it then finally one day I just got off my bed and stepped onto and worked out for 5 minutes until I thought I was going to faint.  That's how out of shape I was. 

I decided the same determination I used to have when I worked out 2 hours a day in the gym is the same determination it takes for me to work out at home...it's just a decision.  I made a small goal for myself which was to work out every day until I could do it for 30 minutes no problem.  Then I would add some workout videos that I'd never opened...for abs, thighs etc.  Once I was faithful for 3 weeks, 21 days then I would purchase Wii Zumba Fitness.

Over the past several weeks, something hit me; something familiar...I'm tired of being here.  The only reason I'm not at goal or a healthier weight is because of me so I made a decision...get back to the basics!  The only way forward is the way back to the basics.  It hit me; I am not like the typical person who desires to lose weight I belong to a special group...the OH family. 

I AM BAAA-AACK!!!  I can't tell you how inspiring it has been over the past few days reading profiles, articles and posts on the boards.  At first I thought I was looking for information on how to jump start my weight loss again.  I'm not doing that.  I'm not on a diet...I'm on a live it.   My DH and I now eat an organic/natural diet and I've learned what foods are best for my body.  Now I've just got to get moving more and stay moving. 

When I started writing this post, my intent was to find out if it was too late for me to get back on track and turn this re-gain around.  I don't want to pursue a revision when I know deep down inside I have never fully maximized this opportunity I've been given through the tool of wls.  Now I am even more inspired that I just need to practice what I already seen, done, heard and know.

Thanks OH.com and thanks Big Will!!!

I am amazed that it's now been 6 years since I received the gift of my wls tool.  I am so eternally grateful that I made it through surgery and though I had few complications as a result of surgery, they were minimal when compared to some people I know of that still struggle with illnesses years later.

About a year ago, my husband and I switched to eating organically and adopted a more healthier lifestyle holistically.  It has only enhanced my experience with my tool.  I wish I had learned all I now now about nutrition, hormones, emotional health etc.  At 40, it has litereally taken me a lifetime to understand that, more than surgery, I needed to get back to the basics of life, spirit, soul and body to see the lasting changes I so longed for. 

Today, I most likely would never have made the decision to have surgery if I had a full revelation of the level of pain I was masking with food.  Nonetheless, I do not regret because an intervention was most necessary for the preservation of my life at that time.

Life is so different than prior to March 17, 2004.  There are few things that I have stuck to for this long in my life.  Don't get me wrong, I haven't worked this tool perfectly, however, I've learned not to live by the letter of the law but to daily make decisions that postively impact my overall health and well-being.

Making the decision to have weight loss surgery is like committing to marriage or raising children.  If you have the desire to be healthy then you must:  1) decide to do everything necessary to achieve not weight loss but optimal health and well-being; 2) practice discipline, meaning doing what you are told to do and what you know to do to both achieve your goal and maintain it; 3) take delight in the gift of life that you have been given...don't merely exist in this world...enjoy life to the fullest!

I pray that your journey is one of peace and favor in your approval process.  May your life be transformed in every area, spirit, soul and body as your journey back to the basics of life.

I just realized that today makes 4 years since I had my wls surgery.  My how much has changed in these 4 years.

This is the first time in my life I have been able to sustain a weightloss of over 100 lbs for such a long period of time.  Although I have had a gain of about 30 lbs (that doesn't want to go anywhere) for the most part I am grateful for having lost over 160 lbs from my heaviest weight and 130 lbs from wls.

I recently got back into the gym after I participated in the Discoery Health 8-wk fitness challenge.  I will visit Bailey's where I have my own membership this week to find out their schedules and get a feel for the gym located nearest me.

Great news!  I am getting married!  Can you believe it?  Our big day is April 26, 2008. God has sent a wonderful, caring, unselfish, courageous, confident...I could go on forever...but seriously it would seem that he was born to be my husband and likewise I to be his wife.  I am very excited and eagerly look forward to our day.

The courtship and being in love has definitely contributed to about 15 lbs of my weight gain, however, I am learning to be more accepting of my body where I am while I work a little at a time to shed the excess pounds I have gained.

One things for sure, my fiance is very accepting of who I am no matter what my weight is.  He definitely has re-enforced that idea of long-term health consciousness rather than trying to diet or just lose weight to fit in my dress etc.  That is so encouraging.  

When I wanted to take the 8-wk fitness challenge, he joined also just to be an encouragement to me.  On the days when I didn't want to go to the gym, rather than badger me, he kept going which motivated me even the more.  He's a very positive person.

When I started this journey, I was 300+ lbs., in a rocky marriage, had a myriad of health issues, depressed, had aches and pains in my body...I was ready to die.  I made a decision to alter the course of my life.  I resolved that I was tired of merely existing in this world taking up space...I wanted to LIVE!

Although I had researched wls about 8 years prior, I got scared and chickened out not pursing it.  Then in 2003 I googled weight loss surgery and was led to ObrsityHelp.com.  This organization saved my life!  I learned so much about surgery and was able to ask questions, not from doctoros and weight loss centers, but actually people in various stages of their journey that I could get the real...the skinny...the truth on what life is like post-op...the success, the failures, the disappointments, the positives, the bright side, the fears, uncertainties, strain on relationships...the whole kit and kabudle.

It has not always been easy healtwise...I've had some challenges but few compared to some.  It amazes me to this day that I still dump off sweets and other foods... but I'm grateful.  I have picked up some bad habits again yet I'm constantly working on improving and correcting bad behaviors.  The difference between now and then is that at the very least I am more conscious of what I'm doing and why.  As I discover the triggers that compel me to abuse food, I can implement steps to change them.

This journey is so much more than having surgery to alter our physical bodies.  There is a lifetime of pain, dysfunction and lack of discipline that has led up to the place where we end up before grasping desperately for something that will give us a better quality of life.  

After having begun this journey 4 years ago, I can testify by saying this:  Deal with yourself and all of the issues of your life...that will be the key to your continued success...not just with obesity but in every area of your life.  See it's wonderful to look at ourselves year 1 and 2 and think we've arrived because we've lost 100, 200 or 300 plus lbs, however, the true measure of success is when 5, 10 or 15 years later we can look back and see how our behavior has been modified to such a degree that it affected or weight on the scales as well as health.

I am encouraged that I have not gained back 160 lbs.  I never thought it would be possible.  I have always been an emotional eater.  When I was depressed, I ate; happy, I ate: anxious, I ate; you name it, I ate!  If it wasn't for the revelation of how much I am loved by God, how much He desires the absolute best for me and His intervention in my life, I could easily be 400+ lbs or even worse, dead right now.

We all are not the same, however, God has been my source for healing throughout all of this, weight loss surgery was only a vehicle or tool through which my healing and deliverance from morbid obesity came.  According to the charts, I still am overweight/obese, yet, I feel so much better and years have been added back to my life since I've had no more diabetes and all the other ailments that used to plague my body.

My maintenance plan...look to God for continued strenghth...stay true to who I am...love and be loved...do good and be kind...be content with where I am...work daily at improving my life and relationships...having and enjoying my life and everything in it...dream and dream big...be faithful over everything I've been given...you get the picture.  It's about life and how to live it...that's the true measure of success...having and enjoying life!

A lot has happened since my last entry...where do I begin? 6-7 months ago, I started to experience some weight gain.  I was freaking out because it seemed overnight I gained about 10 lbs.  I never dreamed that I would eventually gain over 30 lbs.  My weight had shot up tipping the scales at 202.5 lbs lbs from a svelt 170.  

Since then I've lost 7 lbs and holding steady.  I would love to say that I without a shadow of a doubt I've done everything in my power to lose the excess re-gain but after careful self-analysis I had to admit I've gotten way off track.  I went through many emotionally debilitating events in my life towards the end of last year and before I know it I was right back to my old eating patterns again, using food to comfort myself and cope with my pain.

While I realize that we all have the potential for some re-gain, I know that mine could have been avoided or at least been somewhat less.  I even considered getting a stomaphyx procedure to re-shrink my pouch but was denied by insurance.  I'm actually glad for now that I couldn't have the procedure before getting back to the basics of a healthy post-gastric bypass eating lifestyle again.  So for now, before resorting to any more surgical interventions for my struggles with weight, I'm going to implement some goals and action plans to help me in the long run.

I gotta tell ya OH, I've been feeling embarassed about my re-gain and it was real hard posting this blog but lately I've come back to this site and have been reading a lot of profiles...especially of the newbies...I am reminded of what it was like from the time I first thought about having wls to the day I actually began this journey through to my subsequent successful weightloss.  Although, I never achieved my initial goal of at least 155-160 lbs, I was healthy and happy being at 170 lbs.

I have to admit that I failed to lay the proper foundation for maintaining a healthy lifestyle which includes: eating the proper foods and right amounts, refraining from eating to pacify my emotions, maintaining a physically active lifestyle and keeping a positive mindset.  I can't begin to tell you how important this is.  Thanks to the concept of "do-over" I am working on all of these things now, however, it would have sure been easier had I done it then.  It is a process, as change does take time.  So on this leg of the journey, I grow and develop in the area of discipline of soul...

While I can physically eat more than previously, after a recent endoscopy, I was told that I still have a relatively small pouch though it seems that the opening from the pouch to my intestines has enlarged allowing food to pass more quickly and resulting in my feeling full for shorter periods of time.  I plan to up my water/fluid intake to help me curb my appetite.  

if for some reason I do not lose the amount of my re-gain, if I don't reach my goal weight of 155-160 lbs by April of 2008, or should I experience any additional after adjusting my eating habits, as a last resort, I may explore the possibility of revision as discussed with my surgeon.  My prayer is that I be able to accomplish my goal without further surgical intervention.  I am so grateful to have had a relatively eventless experience after wls...I'm not sure I want to be subjected to further risk at this point.  OH Family keep me in your prayers...  

  

Feb 5, 2007  Well, I'm officially back down to 176lbs!  I also seem to have lost quite a few inches bcuz my clothes are fitting oh so sexy once again...lol

I am feeling so good today.  I was invited to a superbowl party yesterday and went and had a blast!  It was the first time since recent relationship troubles that I wan't totally depressed and in isolation from the world.

On the eating front, I was at 95% healthy eating.  However, yesterday, I ate about 6-8 mini pretzels, 4-6 med round tortilla chips and a small piece of cake.  I was doing fine until my mind starting thinking about what HE might be doing with his friends/family at their superbowl gathering and I got bummed out for a while then numbed myself with a carbs.  

I immediately regretted it and when I came down of that high, I stayed away from the food.  I ate only about 2-3 ozs of chili and 3-4 carrot sticks.  I hope I haven't set my fat-burning mode terribly off track.  I am now back on the wagon...lol

I will continue to update my progress...for now gotta get to work.

Feb 1, 2007  I can hardly believe it's already the 1st of Feb.  It seemed like we were just celebrating coming into the new year and now the first month has already passed.  

Wow, I didn't realize how much I had missed my OH family.  I thank everyone who has been supportive and encouraging.  OH certainly has a different vibe than when I first joined.  There were a lot of hi fallutin' judgmental individuals who would just pounce on you and beat you up every time you told the truth about where you were in your journey...as if they had already arrived.  As my mama always says: "just keep on living, your day will come."

So far, I'm still in the re-training stages of my eating habits.  I have adjusted my diet close to the I did immediately post-op.  I've switched back to a hi-protein low/lower carb diet, including the addition of 1-2 lo-carb slim fast shakes or a combination of 1 lo-carb slim fast shake and a soy protein shake per day and my liquid protein supplement from GNC in addition to other protein sources like cottage cheese, meats, fish etc.  

I've also included more fiber/roughage in my diet due to the constipation/impaction problem I've been having since Jun/Jul of last year.  I'm gonna finally break down and buy the Benefiber my wls surgeon recommended and start taking it so I can wean myself off the Mirulax and colace and only take them as needed.  I stopped taking Zelnorm altogether cause it makes me feel so awful.  I noticed that taking 2 Colace tablets a day along with my Nifirex Gold iron tablets which also has colace in it seems to allow me one bowel movement at least every 1-2 days.  What  a relief!

My goal is to continue working on my eating regimen and slowly resume a workout routine to help me get my strength back, improve my cardio and add some muscle tone.  I would love to lose about 10-15lbs by my 3 yr anniversary which would be half of my goal weight.  No matteter how long it takes though, I am committed to maintaining a more healthier lifestyle...eating habits and physical activity. 

1/30/07  Well...I am now 37 years old.  I am now single...not necessarily searching.  I recently moved into a new home.  I'm in a season of firsts and more firsts in my life...everything is new.  Today, I'm learning how to develop a strong viable relationship with "me." 

I can't really describe it, but, I feel like I'm in the preparation stage of the next phase or chapter in my life.  The world and life in general seems to be an open door of opportunity for me right now.  I find myself sitting still and enjoying the quietness of this time in order to find out where I go from here.  For the first time I'm beginning to feel free enough to allow me to be taken care of by God and me for once.

Wls takes care of many physical attributes of obesity but I have learned that all of the head stuff and all of the emotional stuff and behavioral stuff...it takes what seems a lifetime to work through.  I never realized how stunted my growth was until I began to face my personal life issues...the stuff that got me fat and deathly overweight in the first place.  Somehow, even though I knew better, I convinced myself that as pounds melted away, so would many of my problems.

When I saw myself turning back to a relationship with an old "bittersweet" friend (food) for comfort and the ability to cope, I got desperate enough to find the fight in me once again to continue on this journey to finding a new and healthier me:  spirit, soul, mind and body.  Obesity robs us of so much:  healthy self-esteem, self-confidence, functional relationships, life opportunities and the simplest of pleasures that most "normal-size people take for granted.  I'm determined now more than ever to win!