RetroChic86

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 So this is my last weekend being in the fat category. My surgery is Monday, and boy oh boy am I freaking nervous.  I had a couple of freak out sessions, where I got really scared and started doubting EVERYTHING about this damn operation and all that comes with it.  But I know that this is something I need!  I was one of the LUCKY ones that got approved right away and didn't have any issues with getting approved, the appointments and whatnot.  So I now that this is probably my only chance at losing weight.

One of the things..that is getting to me, is the comments.  I've always been known to friends and family as the happy fat chick.  I was ALWAYS happy and ALWAYS outgoing, even though I was bigger.  My weight didn't seem to stop my confidence.  Because all the while, I was fat and healthy, and as long as I was healthy  I didn't have an issue.  But this past year, my weight escalated dramatically as well as the numerous health problems.  I'm not sure which happened first the weight gain and then the health, or the health then the weight gain.  But either way the surgery is needed. But back to my point, my older sister said to me "I'm tired of you fat chics wanting to be skinny all of a sudden".  My sister is 12 years older than me, and has always been skinny.  She has never had to deal with weight. And it annoyed me that she said that.

I'm also worried about the recovery time. My sister in law has me scared to death after she discussed what surgery is like.  She never had the bypass, but she was relaying stories of her mom having the lapband, and other people having other surgeries.  So I was REALLY scared! She kept saying how much pain I would be in, how much my stomach would be bruising, it was crazy.  I just hope that my recovery is not too bad.  I'm thankful because my husband has literally the whole week off.  My surgery is on Monday-so he has saturday/sunday/monday/tuesday/wednesday/ off, then he is scheduled to work thursday. and although he was off on christmas, he decided to go in to work overtime for time and a half :(

so we will see how im feeling

im just really nervous!!! ahhhhhh!

 my tummy hurts
damn liquid shake

i cheated today, and had like 5 tiny pieces of orange chicken..mmmmmm...and i think because ive done liquid for so long, that finally putting food into my stomach, it went all ape shit.

it sounds like godzilla is having a beatboxing contest in my freaking stomach now 
but i went to my surgeon for my pre-op today. everything looks good. surgery is scheduled for December 21, 2009 at 5 am. im not nervous for the surgery itself, but more nervous for the recovery and how groggy i am going to be afterwards. ive never had anesthesia before lol

and tomorrow, well today technically i have to go to the medical clearance appt and then im pretty much set after that

I am on my third day of my two week Optifast pre-op diet.  I can honestly say I am doing ok with it. The first two days was the hardest.  The urge to eat hit me at night time, and for a moment I thought I was going to give in. But I did not!  Unfortunately I don't have a scale here, so I can't track my progress. But I'm sure I probably lost at least 5 pounds by now.

Tomorrow is my medical clearance appointment!  I am so excited.  It means that my surgery is right around the corner!  it is 12 days away!!!!  Then my pre-op appointment with my surgeon is on Friday.  

Friday is also my husbands 42nd birthday.  He is a really difficult person to get a gift for.  I already went out and purchased him ANOTHER wedding band (he lost the first one!)  this one is titanium, and he has been saying how he wants a titanium, so he gets in.  I'm also going to bring him lunch and lots of balloons to his work place, and shower him with affection right there! Now...the ultimate gift would be for me to make him this jacket that he has been wanting, but I don't have enough fabric, or time.  Now-my talent is sewing, and my specialty is whipping up items super fast, but I don't know what I can make him that he would like beside his frock coat or dublet.


 

 So I made a mistake. I thought that I would have more time to prepare for my liquid diet. Nope, got a call from my surgeon, had to go in and get the stuff for my pre-op diet of Optifast.  $186 in the hole for my 12 day supply. I was doing good all day until I got home and was by myself, and the temptation kicked in.  My husband came home, and I was doing ok while he is here. We will see how this goes.

My pre-op appt with my surgeon, Dr. Irgau is 12/10, and then my medical clearance appt at PMRI is on 12/11.  According to my insurance requirements, I needed to lose 2% of my body weight, which is 7 pounds.  I started out at 343, at my past doctors visit, this past Thursday, I was 338.  5 pounds lost, 2 more to go.  But I of course, always get stuck with losing weight, so those 2 pounds seem extra hard to lose.  And I don't want ANYTHING jeopardizing or delaying my surgery date of 12/21.

Tomorrow I have to go to the lab to give blood work, then thats pretty much it.

But I have decided to start an "un"official pre-op diet now.  Mainly because, I don't want to feel weak when I start the official pre-op liquid diet starts, which is next Monday.  So I have a week to get used to it, and hopefully fight off those hunger cravings.  So far, I have tried the IsoPure Cookies and Cream Mix with milk, and to be honest, it's not bad at all.  Doesn't really taste like cookies and cream, but I really can't complain.  I still have the Unjury unflavored mix, which I think I will just add to milk or something when I test it out.  At this point, the goal is to successfully do all liquids, but also find the best tasting powders at a cheap price.  It's December, it's Christmas season!  Gifts need to be purchased!  And my husbands birthday is December 11!  Along with my grandparents birthdays and wedding anniversary which are December 8, December 20, and December 25 respectively.  There is a lot of December activity going on.

My surgery is on the day of the winter Solstice, which is also known as Yule to Wiccans/Pagans.  My sister in law, as well as many friends are Wiccans/Pagans, so I will have a lot of good energy thrown my way when I go into surgery!  I need all the energy I can get!

I really want my recovery to be a smooth one, and I hope it is.  Having fibromyalgia means that the pain will be intensified more than normal, and I just hope I can deal with it.  Unfortunately fibromyalgia does not go away with weight loss, but hopefully it can make some of the issues better.

Well it is late, and I should really get to bed.  
2 more weeks until my surgery!!! I can't believe, it is THIS CLOSE!!!

 I just came back from my pulmonary appointment, and got the clearance! I am so happy.  I am only three weeks away from my surgery!  It hit me today as I was in the elevator, that it is so freaking soon! Ahhhh!!!

So here has been the timeline of the process in surgery-I have Delaware Physicians Care-Which is medicaid 

-August 18, 2009-WLS seminar
-Sept 28, 2009-Consultation with Dr. Irgau
-October 19, 2009-Dietician/Psychologist Clearance
-October 8/9 2009-Cardiologist Appt/Stress Test
-October 29, 2009-Cardiology Follow up-Received Clearance!
-November 5/12/19 2009-Required Lifeskills classes-Passed!
-November 30, 2009-Pulmonary Appt-Received Clearance!

-December 10, 2009-PreOp Appt with Dr. Igrau
-December 11, 2009-Medical Clearance Appt

-December 21, 2009- MY SURGERY!!!

My sister in law and I taste tested baby food-it was a funny...and um...interesting experience.  Some of the foods were great, like the fruits, desserts, and even some of the vegetables.  The beef was tolerable. But turkey and chicken...BLAH!  lol.  We were thinking that maybe they just need some seasoning! lol.  She is awesome because although she is not getting the surgery, she is doing most of the stuff that I am.  Like the 2 week pre-op liquid diet, and then she is doing the protein shakes and whatnot once the surgery is over. So that is awesome.  My husband is...supportive, but not as supportive as her.  Like I didn't ask her to do this with me, she volunteered.  My husband eats fairly healthy anyway-his fav food being oatmeal, so it's not like I will be lusting after junkfood!

It will feel great starting the New Year just a few pounds lighter, knowing that I will be losing more! I can't wait to go shopping. I mean I love clothes now, I love shopping. But to be able to go to Macys, and whatnot-and get regular sized clothes off of the sales rack! YAY!

 So with Thanksgiving behind me, I can look forward to my surgery, which is getting closer. December 21 is the day that will forever change my life.  I still have my pre-op appt with the surgeon on 12/10 and my medical clearance appointment on 12/11.  I still have about 4-5 pounds to lose before the surgery.  My insurance requirement was to lose 2% of total body weight, which for me is 7lbs.  An easy and low number it may seem, but if I was able to lose that, and more I wouldn't be needing the surgery now would I? lol.

As I get nearer, I am getting more and more excited, and the nervousness is kicking in!

I had one moment that kind of set me back.  It was my husband, saying that he doesn't believe I will be doing the exercise to keep up with the weight loss, and I will have to prove him wrong.  That pissed me off, because in my mind, he is my husband, he is the one that I should definitely count on for support.  But instead of remaining angry, I am going to prove him wrong.  Once the surgery is over, and I am cleared for physical activity. I will exercise, and just to throw it in his face, I will invite him to exercise with me.  And then we will see how big he is then,  I mean I love my husband, but he can be a complete and insensitive ass sometimes. Makes me want to slap him. I mean he is not against the surgery, he is all for me losing weight and becoming healthy again. But the whole exercise thing came out of left field, and it just made me angry.

I was told by some friends, he might have said that because he is afraid once I lose the weight I will become more confident and leave him.  And thats one thing that bothers me.  I don't know why people assume that all fat chicks are not confident and once we have a man we latch on to him.  I was and still am very confident.  I was confident before I met my husband, and I will continue to be confident.  I know I am an amazing and beautiful person, my weight does not determine my self worth. So no, losing weight will not make me change. If i wanted to leave, I would have left already! lol.  

 My surgery is about a month away. December 21 2009 is when I will have my gastric bypass surgery.  I'm not nervous about the surgery itself, more so nervous about being put under. I have never had anesthesia before.

But I now that I'm ready. I'm ready to make a change in my diet, exercising, ready to start the New Year a few pounds lighter! Some people say that getting the weight loss surgery is an easy way out..and oh boy are the wrong.  They have no idea on the food restrictions, the meal planning, the need for exercise, the fact that you have to avoid sugar, carbonation, alcohol. you will be taking vitamins for the rest of your life. ha! easy my ass!!! i think that people who say its the easy way out are ignorant and have never struggled with anything for years, like most people struggle with weight.

I have so many ambitions once I lose the weight.  I'm not getting the surgery to gain confidence, because I'm pretty confident already. I have an awesome husband, and awesome friends, and have fun every day!  There is no reason for me to be sad! lol.  But really, my weight has been constantly escalating, and no matter what I do...I keep gaining and can't lose.  If I do lose, I gain it back. I just can't seem to win.  You all know the story lol.

My biggest goal/wish is to look great the next time my husband and I go to Disney World.  It is in December 2010.  We have been in June of 2007 and 2009 for our engagement, and then our honeymoon, and both times we went on my birthday :).  This time we will be going for his birthday, and I guess I can celebrate my 1 year post op while down there!  But last time we went, I was scared of not being able to fit in the seat on the plane, and then fitting on the rides.  Some rides my husband and I could not ride together because it broke my heart. And when I looked at the pictures, I was just not happy.

And if anybody has been to Disnye, you know you WALK EVERYWHERE! You can easily walk 10 miles in a day walking around the park!  Now I managed to spend all day in the park, but I also have fibromyalgia, and lets just say I was in a ALOT of pain, and spent most of my day doped up on Percoset.  I want to be able to walk through the park, comfortable with my weight. Grant it I will be in pain, because the Fibro does not go away, BUT the pain from walking because of the weight will be gone..and for that I am glad. And I can take fantasic photos with my lovely husband and be happy.

Yay!!!