Rose1124

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I just realized today when I was working on trying to figure out what my goal weight should be and I noticed that my BMI is now 39.9 I think it was and that I am no longer considered super morbidly obese! That is crazy. I haven't really been paying too much attention to my BMI so it really shocked me when I saw that. For the longest time I was always in that 50 or higher category. It feels good to be obese if I do say so myself.

Also, I am happy to report that I figured out my goal weight for my surgery. I know in the past I have heard that WLS should help you lose 70% of your excess body weight. I went back to my starting weight and figured out using the little tracker thing I found, that my ideal weight after surgery should be about 223 pounds. I think that is very realistic. I can do that.

I have been feeling very lost lately, like I haven't know what to do or how I should be working my tool. I felt like I needed to set a target in order to get back in gear and be actually working towards something. It feels good to have a goal.

I also want to have my arms and breasts done. I figure if I can lose the 43 pounds I have to lose that can be my reward!

I can't believe that today is my one year surgiversary! It doesn't seem like it has been a year at all. Time really flew. Every day I am so thankful that I decided to have WLS, it was one of the best decisions I ever made. Yesterday Star Jones was on Oprah talking about her gastric bypass surgery and it was hard for me to watch because honestly I didn't or couldn't relate to her. Which I am finding that it is often the case for me. When it comes to others that I know that have had surgery.

Yes, I had surgery because I was morbidily obese, but I had been the size I was for YEARS and YEARS and YEARS. I am not going to say I had surgery because I was going to die if I didn't do something about my weight. Yes that is probably a true statement, but I wasn't going to die tomorrow from my weight, well I might have, but who really knows. Star had said that her doctor told her "You are going to die" in my whole adult life of being 350+ pounds not one of my many doctors ever once said anything about my weight...EVER! Obviously, I knew my weight wasn't healthy and was limiting me from doing a lot of things, but no one of "authority" never said anything about it in a way that made me really want to do something about it.

I can honestly say that it wasn't until I had Stella and realized how much I COULDN'T do because of my weight that I decided to start the process to have surgery. It still makes me cry just thinking about it. I didn't want to be that mom sitting on the bench at the park because I was too big to actually "play" with my daughter, it wasn't fair to her. I knew I couldn't lose the weight on my own and I knew I needed to be around for Stella above all else! So I did it. And now that she is 2 and running around like a crazy girl, I know I did the right thing. So many little things, being able to let her ride on my bag, being able to hold her for more than 5 minutes, being able to actually run with her, being able to race with her so many things that I know a year ago I couldn't do.

It is all so amazing to me. I still have to look at myself in a mirror every time I walk by one. I can't believe that in a year I have lost 128 pounds. That's 128 pounds that last year I was just carry around with me all of the time every day. It is so crazy. Obviously, my body has changed but so has my health. I can walk up a few flights of stairs and not feel like I am going to die, I can sleep a lot better, I don't get up to go to the bathroom 100 times a day, I can actually work out and keep up with the work out, I can walk a mile on my treadmill in less than 15 minutes (that is big for me, it used to take me almost 45 minutes). I am so much more active than I have ever been.

I am a size I have NEVER been. I am wearing a size that I have never worn in my life. I have lost tons of inches, well many not tons, but you know. Here where my measurements last summer:
6/6/2008
Waist - 53
Bust - 47.5
Chest - 51
Hips - 59
Thigh - 32.5
knee - 22.5

Then I took them today:
waist - 42
bust - 41
chest - 40
Hips - 50
thigh - 24.5
knee - 18.5

I just can't believe what a difference those inches make. There are so many doors that have been opened up for me that I kept closed because of my weight. I can now fit in booths at resturants, I can fit in a movie seat comfortable, I can wear my seat belt in my car, I can fit on one cushion on a couch, I can run, I can keep up with Stella, I can share clothes with my sister, Don can actually put his hand all the way around me when he hugs me, I actually have to wear a belt every day, I can fit into an XL mens shirt (there was a time when I wore a 4XL mens shirt), I can wear a size 20 pants (I was wearing a size 28 or 30 before surgery), I don't have to shop at only "plus size" stores. I guess I could go on and on.

As far as eating after surgery, I have to say for me, it hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be, but I have to say I made sure that is wouldn't be. I was determined to not be or get depressed about what I couldn't eat any more. I have to say, yes I probably ate things I shouldn't have in the begining, but I refused to "scared" of food. I refused to single myself out and gatherings because I couldn't eat everything that everyone else was, I REFUSED! I went to every gathering, went to every night out dinner, went to every birthday party, I just ate differently. I still ate, I just didn't eat certain things. Yes I would have cake, but one a bite, which was enough for me. I can honestly say I eat most of the same things I ate before surgery, but just A LOT less of it. The surgery has helped me with portion control, which was BIGGEST issue when it came to food. Don't get me wrong, it isn't roses and sunshine all of the time. I still have my bad days, I still dump on certain things. There are days when nothing seems to want to work and days when EVERYTHING seems to work just fine. I can honestly say that the only thing that really bums me out that I can't eat right now is ketchup! I still can't eat it. I don't know what it is, but every time I have it I feel soooo sick. I love ketchup so this one has been hard for me, but it has now been a year and I survived so I guess I will be ok.

Anyway, enough about that. I just had to post about it. My life was good last year, but now being more healthy and more active and more "a part" of my life I can say life is so much better!

 

~Rose
Lap-RNY 04/02/08
397/373/269/???
HW/SW/CW/GW

I am coming up on my 1 year surgiversary! I can't believe it has already been a year. Things have gone really well with the surgery. I have my good days and I have my bad days, but I still have no regrets. My body has changed in so many ways. I am still trying to get used to it.

I started this journey weighing about 397 pounds and today I weighed in at 270 pounds!!! That is still so amazing to me. I am still not used to saying, writing, or typing my weight with a 2 in front of it. I know I am still plus size, but I can move around so much more easily. I can do things with my daughter and my nieces and nephew. I can't wait believe how much I have changed.

I have never been a "shy" unnoticed person I have never been a person "lost" in the crowd because of my weight. For some reason "blending" in with the crowd work for me. Having people not notice me is weird to me. It all takes some getting used to. I do still hate comments about how good I look now that I lost weight, what did you think of me before? 

Anyway, I am happy, much healthier and excited to see what else my new life has in story for me.

Man, I can't believe it has only been 9 months since I had surgery. It seems like forever ago. Crazy! I am down 115 pounds! I went from wearing a size 30/32 to now wearing a size 22 jean and 18/20 top! My body has changed so much it isn't even funny. My activity level has changed so much as well it is crazy. Every day I do something that i have never ever done before and it just amazes me. Like I am able to cross my legs now, I can play "horsey" with my daughter, I can fit in most resturant booths. I still have never once regreted having surgery. Yes, I have bad days when I eat something that doesn't agree, but I move on and learn from that experience. I still enjoy food, just in a different way. I still go out to dinner and enjoy nights out with friends, but now instead of having appetizer, dinner, and dessert, I eat dinner and take the rest to go. I know there is no way I would have been able to lose the weight on my own and regain my health the way that I have since surgery and will continue to do. Amazing, that is all I can say.

I had my 3 month post-op appt on July 10, 2008. I can't believe it has already been three months. It is crazy how times flies. As of yesterday, I weighed in at 316.6, the day of surgery I was 373 and had to lose 25 pounds before surgery. I say my starting weight is 397 because that is what it was the day I went to the surgeons office for a consultation. So from surgery I am down 56.4  pounds and 80.4 pounds from my highest. So far it has been a very good journey. I have only gotten sick once, but I have had a few times that I have felt like totally crap after eating something that did not agree with me. I need to take some more pictures of myself so I can see the changes in the body, I can feel them. Clothes II haven't been able to wear for years are now starting to be too big! I have gone from a 30 jeans to a 24. It is just amazing to me how much of a difference losing the weight has had. I am way more active and spend a lot of time outside with my daughter running around and playing. I know if she were this age last year I would not have been able to be outside really at all with her. It would have been too difficult. There has not been one day since surgery that I regret it. I am able to eat most things, I am able to participate in family functions, I still go out to dinner with friends, I still eat McDonalds and Taco Bell, BUT I eat a lot less, I make different/better food choices, I am able to stop when I am full, I don't eat fast food nearly as much as I used to. For me this surgery wasn't about preventing me from eating sweets or fried foods, my main issue was portion control and my acid reflux preventing me from eating a lot of healthy things. I can say my portion control is under control and I am able to eat thing that used to always give me trouble. Before surgery I could eat salad, but it always messed me up and I would feel like crap after. Now I LOVE salads and can eat them very single day, even with Romaine lettuce (which I couldn't eat before). Anyway, I am getting healthier and happier and that is the most important.

Don and I got to the hospital at about 6:40am on Wednesday the 2nd. We actually didn't have to wait too long before being called back to get things started. They were all pretty surprised at how calm I was. I actually wasn't nervous at all. Don and I were joking and laughing while they did what they needed to do. The only issue was with the IV. First is was a med student who just couldn't get her act together and just couldn't find a vein. So after about 30 minutes they were finally able to do it, but it was in a really crappy place, under my wrist. It hurt. I don't like IV's. So Don said the surgeon told him everything went well no issues, which I was glad to here. When I woke up I was excepting to be in a lot more pain than I was, I actually wasn't in any. All I can compare it to is my c-section and compared to that, this was nothing. Compared to my c-section, this doesn't hurt at all. I haven't really had any pain meds since last night when they stopped the pain pump so I am pretty proud of that. I have been walking around and watching tv mostly. I have just been very very sleepy. A couple people came to visit and I couldnt even stay awake to visit, but they understood. They just took my IV out because it was no longer even in my vein it was in the tissue, nice. So now my hand and arm are all swollen and hurt. See why I hate IV's. They took the stapes out of my incisions which didn;t hurt at all, and I was ready for it to hurt. I am pretty much ready to go, but you know how that is when you are ready to go, they aren't ready to let you go yet. So hopefully I will be out of her by this afternoon. So far, so good. Thanks to everyone for your thoughts and prayers, I think it will make for a speedy recovery.

My surgery was rescheduled! ARGHHHH!! Big mix up on the doctors office part. They told me the wrong date. I was really upset for a couple of days and then realized that it wasn't worth it. There is nothing I can do about now. It is dumb, but like they say everything happens for a reason. I was happy to be able to enjoy Easter dinner with my family though. Anyway, so now surgery is April 2nd. I am going to be calling Friday to make sure

So much has happened since I wrote my first entry here. I am well on my way to surgery. I have actually completed all my insurance requirements and I even have a surgery date. My date is March 19th. I need to lose 25 pounds before surgery and I have already lost 12! I am nervous, excited, anxious all of it all in one. I can't belive I am so close. It seems like I have been in the process for a million years. It has been about 7 months now since I first decided to start this journey. I am glad I started the process, I am so close.

I have been really bad with keeping up here. I am going to try to do better. So I have decided to have gastric bypass, I feel that it is the best option for me at this time. I haven't met with a surgeon, yet, but I am sure they will agree. So currently I am on BCBS of AL and I have been doing all I need to do as far as required to get the surgery paid for. 
I recently completed my 6 months of medically supervised diet. I have my final appt with my MD on Jan 2. 
I did my psych evaul. I actually didn't need it for my insurance, I just thought it would hurt. I am glad I did it now because I am switching insurance Jan1st and they do require the psych eval so I have that done!
I have medically records documenting my weight for the past 3 years, I only need 2 years, but I have 3. 
Last things I need to do are, see the dietician which I have an appt Jan 22. for that. And i need to get all my medical records to submit to insurance. I am going to wait until my final appt with my MD to get those together. 

So pretty much I am well on my way. I am nervous and excited. I thought the 6 months of diet were going to drag on, but it didn't, I am surprised and how fast it went by. It is pretty sad though in the 6 months I have gained like 15 pounds. I am on a new mission though, I want to at least loss that 15 that I gained and may more by the time I see the surgeon, which won't be probably until Feb, but that is fine with me. So it looks like I am on schedule for the timeline I had in my head. I figured I probably wouldn't be having surgery until probably April or maybe even May. So all is going pretty well. I can't believe that it is really going to happen. I need to do this for my health because I want to be around for my husband and daughter for a long time.

I swear I am going to drive myself crazy. I just keep going back and forth and back and forth and back and forth again about which surgery would be best for me. I haven't talked to a surgeon or anything yet, just gathering all my information. I have an appointment with a nurse who is going to help me on my journey on August 13. I think I am going to call and see if there are any earlier appointments. I think I am getting anxious. #1 I want to know if I will be approved, I don't see why I wouldn't be. I just need to work on this 6 month supervised diet thing. I figure if I start tomorrow going to TOPS meetings I can be surgery ready by the beginning of 2008, what a way to start out the new year. The more I read the more confused I get about which surgery would be right for me. I like the idea of the lap band, but I think with my BMI gastrice bypass would be better. The thing that is really scaring me right now is the idea of losing over 100 pounds. I can't imagine, seriously I can't even picture it. The losed weight I can remember is 325 or around there when I was wearing a size 24, a size I had never worn. My sisters and I were talking about it yesterday and I seriously can't imagine losing 100 pounds and even after losing 100 pounds I would still weigh 270 pounds, which doesn't seem that small, but it is for me. I think it is all scary right now. I am excited that I finally decided that I want to do it, but it makes me nervous too. I know in the long run, I am making the right decision. The more I find out the more it makes me question myself, but I am going to stick to my guns and do it. I have to.