rustymt

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I discovered this site a few days ago.  I wanted so much for someone to talk to...to feel hope with, because for the first time in so many years I actually feel hope...and fear.  I think I am experiencing what all of you have experienced as you embarked on this journey, and it makes me feel like I am no longer alone in this area of my life.
I have a wonderful husband who is trying to be supportive, but he really doesn't understand.  He says "I love you like you are, but if you want this then I want it for you."  I doubt it gets better than that.  I am 62, and I have 'sidelined' myself for so many years.  I haven't tried to be a player in life's game because I don't feel good about the way I look...and hopeless to do anything about it.  I want to be able to trim my own toenails and put lotion on my own feet.  I want to sew beautiful things that don't make me feel like I am making a tent.  I have been blessed with a healthy body...I want to take care of it, but I haven't been able to avoid weight gain and the weight related illnesses that come with it....ever. 
I am one of six children and most of us are overweight.  In 2002 my older sister's husband told her he wanted a divorce.  He had become involved with one of my sister's dear friends.  My sister tried desperately to lose weight...to become lovely enough  again (that wasn't the answer, I know)...in a moment of what I can only assume was total desperation she took her life.  She was 57.  I will always miss her.  I watched my mother lose her health and her mobility when she was just a few years older than I am now.  I know I am so lucky because although I have many hoops to jump through I believe I can put the insurance I need to do this in place.  I thank God for all that I have, and I am ready to work hard to make the dream of weight loss my reality.
1.  I have changed my insurance to a plan that provides for bariatric surgery.  This will take effect on January 1, 2011.
2.  I have an appointment to talk with my family doctor next week.  I have talked to him about this before.  Now I need a letter of support, and a copy of my most recent bloodwork, and my sleep apnea report, and my osteo arth report, and my herniated disk report,  my pre-diabetes report, and my high-tryglycerides report so I can incorporate all of that into my file. 
3.  I need to do more reading so I will have a solid idea of how wls works.
4.  I need to sort through some psychological roadblocks I am sure I have.  I am hoping to find some wls readiness...pre and post...hypnosis tapes to incorporate into my life.  I have had success with hypnosis in the past, and I live in rural Mt.  We don't have access to a lot of things that will help me discover what I need to get emotionally ready both for no longer hiding the woman I am behind the barrier of fat...and my fear that I could try to  sabotage the joy.  I am addicted to food....  I have work to do.  Much work, and I appreciate your support and want to offer you any support that I can to make your path smoother.   Best, Rusty

  Hand in hand we can walk together into this new world.  Travel safe,   Rusty