ruthmelvin

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I've been terrible at keeping this up to date. I've never been very good at keeping a journal or diary or even writing letters. I can't believe it has been almost 3 months since my surgery. I have to admit, for the first couple of months I felt pretty crappy and maybe that's why I didn't post much . . . I didn't want to sound like a whiner or complainer and I certainly didn't want to discourage anyone else from making the decision to have this surgery. I feel like I turned a corner about a month ago and have begun to feel really good most days. I have plenty of energy and am seeing some positive results as more pounds and inches come off. Other people have even begun to notice that I'm losing and comment on how good I look. That is always a boost to the ol' self esteem and it gives me the incentive to keep going. In some ways it has been harder than I expected and in others, easier. I don't really miss too many things, but I don't really get the "joy" out of eating anymore. It's just more a part of my day now than the fun it used to be. I have found that I don't dump (yes, I've tried a few sweet things that I probably shouldn't have) and to be perfectly honest, I'm glad. I get full so fast now that even if I do have a sweet treat, I'm happy and satisfied with just a taste. I will probably pay with a tiny bit slower weight loss, but I'm fine with that. I always wanted this surgery to enable me to eat more normally in what I choose to eat and the amount I eat. I never was much of a binge eater or snacker, I just ate HUGE amounts at meals even though it was generally good healthy foods. So I feel like this surgery has been a success in meeting my expectations. I am exercising more because it is so much easier to do . . . I know that will continue to get better and better as I no longer have to carry around a whole extra person. My husband has been so encouraging and is so proud of my efforts. He is almost more excited to buy me new clothes than I am. I didn't expect to have such emotional ties to my clothes! I have given away so many already and it has been harder than I expected. You know, I wore this when my son got married, this to Jake's HS graduation, this is soooo dang cute! My friend bought me this for my 50th birthday . . . Every time I put something on that I haven't been able to wear for several years and I find it is too big, I get a little sad. Crazy, huh? I'm sure I will get over it. It feels weird to buy things in a smaller size than I have worn for so long and I have to try things on now which I'm not sure I enjoy yet. I never really enjoyed shopping so we'll have to see if I get more pleasure out of it down the road a bit further. I have been diligent in attending my support groups. I feel like I will continue to work hard to meet my goals if I keep up my accountability to the others I have met and come to know and love. I have some wonderful new friends. My biggest incentive continues to be the surprise my new look will be to my youngest son when he gets home from his mission in March. I was at my heaviest weight ever when he left and he has never known me under 210 lbs. I am not sending pictures to him of my progress and I am excited to see his reaction when he sees me for the first time in 2 years. I tease him that I am going to go blond too! He's a little nervous that he won't recognize me at all! I told him not to worry; I'll carry a sign that says "Jake's Mom" when I meet him at the airport. My kids have all been so proud of me so far and so encouraging. I went to visit my grandchildren in Colorado last week and my 7 year old grandson asked me about my operation and said I looked really skinny. The next morning he came up to me and said, "grandma, you look even skinnier today than you did yesterday . . ." They are all rooting for me and it is such fun. I have an appointment this week with my surgeon for my 3 month follow up visit and I'm excited and anxious to see if I am where I should be at this point (percentage of excess weight lost). I was right on track at my 6 week visit and I hope he will be pleased with my continued progress. I know I could do better in some areas, but I am happy with how things are going for the most part and I am determined to continue working toward the goals I have set for myself. It was a wonderful feeling to get on the plane last week and not have to ask for a seat belt extender and to be able to lower the lap tray all the way down. Small victories to some, but unbelievable achievements for me! Until next time . . . I hope it won't be another 3 months.