4 days Post-Op

Mar 28, 2011

I'm so very happy to be on the loser's bench. I really haven't been that focused on that fact though. In the hospital I was better, I suppose it was because it was new, and everone was worried. I spent my time there getting everyone through the "1 in 200" statistic crap.

I had a great deal of pain, mostly from the weight of my belly. I always lay on my side, I cant breathe well on my back. I had blankets rolled up and wedged on my sides so I could sort of lay without the weight of my belly pulling on anything. Morphine was good but the percoset worked longer. I was able to better turn over myself, and even get my legs off the bed. I walked a short lap the first night. 4 long laps on day two. Then on Saturday before I left I packed all my stuff, dressed and did 5 laps all without help, before they released me at 2pm. 
  Last night the extent of pain came crashing down when tylenol was not going to even touch it. Im fine when I've settled into a sitting or laying position.Until then though I just want to cry. I have never been so pissed off at myself for anything in all my life. To let myself get to this state, the obesity that is now bringing me to absolute insane tears. My husband thinks its something, or everything, he has done or said. Mostly because Im so mad I have to let it out and he unfortunately has always taken my anger internally.
  I know this pain wont last, and the benefits will be worth it. Excuse the hell out of me for not feeling like that right now. It is a really friggen rare thing for me to be this pissed off at myself. I cant even blame it on a low threshold of pain. I have the highest threshold second only to my mother of everyone I know. 
  I'm in this hotel for another 3 nights. My objective is to get to a higher place so my kids dont stress and my husband will frigging relax. Right now I dont even feel like I can be online around others without polluting the air with toxic energy. I can only hope my angel will understand that right now dinner with Bon Jovi is on hold till I'm human again.

 

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