samsmom
I've been fat as long as I can remember. The problem is that when I look at pictures I don't seem to have had a major weight problem until I graduated from high school. I've always had a supportive family and wonderfully accepting friends. As a preschool teacher, my weight is not an issue for the kids. Sometimes they ask questions about my size, but they aren't hurtful to me. I use them as an opportunity to say that everybody has a different body, but we are all the same inside. Actually, being overweight can be a bit of a plus in my field. One of my children in class gave me a big snuggley hug and said, "I love your body." It made me laugh and smile and still does. I look forward to the day when I can feel the same way.
I started my first diet at age 9. It was the "skipping lunch" with my girlfriends diet. This was so we wouldn't get fat or fatter at least. It also was the start of me hiding my eating from people. I didn't want anyone to look at me and then my plate and think, "well, that explains why she is so big". My mom was always on a diet the whole time I was growing up (and continues to have weight issues). She always envisioned herself as much larger then she was (5' 9" and 145-150) and that made my self-esteem even lower to know that I weighed a good 20+ pounds more than my mother while I was in jr.high. I was picked on during my ninth grade year for being fat. It has left me with some very deep emotional scars that are still in the process of being healed.
I've tried every diet at least once: LA Weight Loss, slimfast, low-fat, no-fat, low- carb, vegetarian, soup diet, drown yourself with water :-), each one more ridiculous then the last, but had the most success with Weight Watchers at least in loosing weight, but I've not been able to keep it off. I was 210 when I get married, then went on a two week honeymoon, enjoyed many holiday parties and got pregnant at 240. Ended pregnancy at 298. Experienced post-partum depression and ate my way up to 310, where I am still at today.
I want to be around for my son and have more children, but pregnancy at this weight is very scary to me due to the health risks of morbid obesity and pregnancy. I have just started looking into the surgery and am hoping that it can happen in the summer of 2007 sometime. I am a teacher, so the timing would be perfect.
I have had a series of "final straws" this year. I went to a department store to purchase make-up and I could not fit in the chair without sitting sideways, on an airplane I couldn't get my self-belt fastened, 3X shirts that looked huge on the rack were too tight on me. I know a few others who've had GBS but they've gained the weight back, which has made me leery about having it myself. The more I read, the more I know that they have gained from not following the plan and making adjustments to their lifestyle.
Despite my weight and my attitude about it, I have everything else a girl could want. My husband is the most wonderful partner in the world. He is everything I ever hoped to find in a man and sometimes I can't even believe he is with me. My son is adorable. I have a fantastic part time job. Our home is nice and I have no major issues in my life. The weight is the only thing that I haven't been able to conquer and achieve.
