Met my surgeon today

May 12, 2011

So today I had my appointment with my surgeon.  I was so nurveous it was crazy.  Everything went well, and he said that his assistant will be submitting the stuff for my insurance.  If I need pre-approval, it will only take about a week, otherwise, she will be calling to set up my date for my appointment.  I am scare though.  My husband and I have been going back and forth on this, because he doesn't want me to have the surgery.  Well, I guess that is wrong, it is not that he doesn't want me to have it, it is that he is scared.  He is scared that something will go wrong with the surgery, or after the surgery.  He is also scared that it wont help me mentally, and that I will always think I am fat and nothing will make me happy.  A part of me is thinking is he is right and is scared as well, but another part of me wants to prove him wrong.   I am so scared to have this surgery.  I really want this, but I am scared something is going to go wrong.  It is like I am in the ocean looking up at a big rock wall.  I have 2 ways to go.  One way, I have the surgery, so I would climb the big rock wall.  There may be times where I have to go back down a bit, and take a different route, or I could fall down to the rocks below, and that will be the end.  The other way is I can swim around to see if I can find a beach some where for land.  This way, I would not be having the surgery, but taking a chance that something else would go wrong, my liver failing or dying from a heart attack.  So in the case of swimming, I could swim and get eatten by a shark (liver failing) or I could just swim and run out of strength and drown (heart attack) or I could be perfectly fine and find a nice beach some where to live on.  I am going to do this surgery.  I have been debating about it for a couple years now, but i am going to do it.  It is going to be hard, I'm going to have to make some life changes, but I have my sister here with me to help me along the way.  I am going to be healthier, and hopefully that will allow me to give birth to a child as well!

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