5 days...

Jul 30, 2015

5 days out...does anyone know how to make time go faster?

This weekend will be spent celebrating with my family in Connecticut (where I grew up). It'll be so good to see them and spend time with the people who make me laugh more than anyone else in the world. I'm just sad that I won't get to see my father before my surgery--after my parents divorced in May, he moved down to Florida and I haven't seen him since. We talk on the phone frequently, but it's hard knowing that I can't hug him before I go in.

Until I started writing this post, I didn't realize how much I miss my father. Talking on the phone is nice, but it's hard not being able to hug him and have a real, honest-to-goodness, face-to-face conversation. I must admit, I had to take a break while writing this post so I could send him a "hi, I love you, I miss you" email. Even now I'm getting teary-eyed thinking about how I won't get to say goodbye if something should happen...but I can't think like that. 

Anthony (my husband) seems to be getting more and more introverted as surgery day approaches, which is reasonable, I suppose. He's very nervous that something is going to go wrong--he hates hospitals (although luckily, the hospital I'm going to is really nice and the least hospitaly-hospital I've even been to, and the food is amazing), and the idea of me undergoing major surgery scares the crap out of him (understandably). He's always said that he supports ME but not the idea of me undergoing major surgery...I wish there were more I could do to make him feel better. Meeting with my doctor didn't help things either; he said it made him MORE nervous about the whole thing because even though the numbers the doctor gave him are low, all he can focus on are this risks of complication. It's like when Dr. Chau said there's a 1% chance of blood clots, all Anthony heard was "There's a chance of blood clots." It's super frustrating.

I'm just a ball of nerves and emotion right now...I don't really know what I'm feeling.

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