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One year ago today, I was in the midst of my mandated pre-op diet. I was counting down the days until I could schedule my surgery, anxious to hear from the insurance company that I was approved. I was conscious of every bit of food I put in my mouth, convinced that if I splurged even a little bit, the whole shebang would be shot to hell, I wouldn’t qualify for surgery, and it would all be for nothing. I was driving myself crazy with the what-ifs, not fully convinced that getting VSG was practical, feasible, and the right thing to do. I was hearing encouraging words from one side and fear-filled, panic-stricken words from another. My head and my heart would agree, then go out of orbit with one another, pulling me in two different directions. I would stay up most nights, thinking about the positive and negative impacts this surgery would have on my life, falling asleep thinking one thing and waking up thinking another.

What a difference a year makes.

A year ago today, I weighed in at 286ish. Today, I’m down to 201.6 and I couldn’t be more pleased. I’m ready to be in Onederland (that glorious place where your weight starts with a 1), and I’m so close!! I never, ever, in a million years thought I would get back down to this weight–if you’d asked me in high school where I’d be at this stage of my life, I know one of my descriptors would be “overweight” or “fat”. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am still those things–clinically and emotionally–but I don’t see them as a bad thing anymore, at least, not like I used to. My BMI is still in the “overweight” range (currently at 36.9, down from 53.4), but I look at my numbers and could cry. For somoene who used to be 292 lbs, 201.6 is amazing.

A dear friend of mine is contemplating this surgery. For anyone else out there who is doing so, please listen to me: this surgery was the absolute best thing I’ve ever done for myself in my entire life. I am so, so glad I did it and would make the decision to do it all over again if given the chance.

Buth enough about me, dear reader. The rest of this post is about you.

Please don’t misunderstand; this life choice is anything but easy. You’re going to have good days and bad days; you’re going to have to make major changes to your lifestyle and you’re going to have to confront your inner demons.

If you go through with your decision, here are things you will think:
“Oh man, I”m so friggin’ hungry right now,” (pre-approival insruance-mandated diet)
“Is there any leather lying around for me to chew?” (pre-op liquid diet)
“Is this going to be worth it? Dear God, I hope it’s worth it” (pre-op prep period)
“Holy shit, what have I done to myself?” (in the days immediately following surgery)
“Fucking broth.” (post-op liquid diet)

Don’t worry, these are things everyone thinks. They’re completely normal, and once you get into the swing of things, your thoughts will take a whole different path:
“Hey, where’s my broth?”
“Ooh, peanut-butter flavored protein powder!”
“Man, I can’t believe I only got 60 grams of protein today!”
“Holy shit, where’d that 15 pounds go?” (two weeks after surgery, or thereabout)
“God damnit, time for another new pair of pants.” (every month after surgery)

Eventually (and likely sooner than you think), you’ll hit the point where everyone is going to start noticing you’re rapidly losing weight (my best friend asks me to send her pictures nearly every week because my face keeps changing), commenting, and supporting you. Seriously, the amount of people building you up, standing in your corner, and rooting for you is going to be insane. People you thought wouldn’t give a rat’s ass about you are doing are going to come out of the woodwork with comments like, “Looking good!” and “Wow, you’re doing great!” Those people you friended on Facebook back in high school are all going to pop up and take notice of the changes. You’re going to get so much positive energy, you’re going to want to bottle that shit and sell it on eBay.

You’re going to join Facebook groups and websites for people who’ve had weight loss surgery and make a whole new category with friends. You’re going to be just as comfortable discussing gas, poop, and what you ate today with them as you are your significant other (and honestly, you may be more candid with those random internet people than you are with your s/o–I don’t know if it’s the anonymity of a screen or what).

You’re going to go out to eat and take home leftovers every. Single. Time. You’re going to find yourself stuffed after 4 or 5 bites of everything, and that’s okay.  You’re going to learn to love appetizers in a way you never did before, and you’re going to find yourself breaking down the components of every dish on the menu to figure out what you should and shouldn’t eat. You’re going to surprise yourself with your reactions to your favorite foods, too–those chicken crispers at Chili’s look mighty delicious, but you’re not going to want to eat them because they’re full of empty calories and a salad or 3oz of steak are more attractive choices (but you’re going to still get the crispers occasionally because seriously, what is life if you can’t live a little?). You’re going to find yourself drunk after half a cocktail because damnit, when you have a tiny stomach, that shit goes straight to your head (which can be a good AND bad thing–I’ve uttered the phrase “I swear, I’m not drunk” far more times after surgery than I ever did before [and for the record, Anthony, I wasn’t]) and you’re going to hear the phrase “cheap date” more times than you can count–and you’re going to laugh because it’s so true.

You’re going to go to the gym and have fun. You’re going to download all of the exercise apps and all of the music and just sweat it out. You’re going to hate dragging yourself to said gym some days, but that feeling will disappear when you’re done with your workout and you realize that you just ran further or lifted more than you ever did before.

You’re gonna learn to love shopping for clothes, too.  You’re going to walk into a store and pick up a dress in a size you last wore when you were in your early teens “just to see if it fits.” And thanks to the aforementioned salads and gym sessions, you’re going to almost cry when not only does said dress fit, but it looks omgsocute! And then you’re going to cry some more when you find another dress that does the same thing. And another. And another. And don’t even get me started on the wonders of going down 4 pant sizes in 8 months.

But most importantly, you’re going to wake up every morning loving yourself and the skin you’re in. You’re going to thank whatever you believe is right and good in this world that you made this incredible, life-changing decision for yourself.You’re still going to have good days and bad days, but you’ll slowly start having more good than bad. You’re going to find an inner strength within you that you never thought possible. You’re going to read things on the internet about “fat people” and you’re going to get mad because seriously, fuck anyone who thinks that being fat is a sickness or a weakness. And then you’re going to take that anger and use it to motivate yourself even more. You’re going to take the words of the trolls and the haters and you’re going to use them to better yourself. You’re going to pound it out on the treadmill, you’re going to wash them away in the shower before you put on that super cute dress, and you’re going to forget all about it when you look in the mirror and see yourself for what you really are: a person who has turned their life around completely, a person who has come so far and still has many miles to go, a person who looked in the mirror, decided enough was enough, and made that leap of faith. And once you make that leap, you’re going to find that there are people all around you who are going to catch you.

You can do this. One year has proven that to me–take the chance and prove it to yourself.

Night before surgery, weighing in at 275lb (down from my highest weight of 292lbs):

Today, weighing in at 202lbs

As usual, things have been hectic in my life, which is why I haven’t updated. My mother-in-law has been in and out of the hospital for the past month, which has been trying for me, but even more trying for my husband. I’ve been cranking Maid of Honor duties up to 5000 and prepping for the wedding on the 18^th (anyone want to come over October 15^th to help me make 300 meringues?),  and work has been coming at me from all sides. The only respite I’ve had was a quick Labor-day trip to Florida to see my dad, which lifted both of our spirits beyond words, and the sick day I took yesterday for a cold.

The GOOD news is that I’ve been sticking to it and am currently weighing in at 249.1 (as of Sunday), a total of 43 pounds lost (26 since surgery)!! I’m beyond thrilled with this—I’m officially the weight I was in high school. I’ve officially surpassed my lowest weight ever on Weight Watchers, and have lost more poundage than I ever did on my full year on the program.

I don’t regret anything about this surgery for a second. Other than the awful nausea I woke up with in the hospital and the occasional bout of nausea after drinking too fast, I’ve not had any negative side effects thusfar—unless you count not fitting into any of my pants anymore! My mother in law gave me money to go clothes shopping for my birthday, but I’m going to wait a bit longer until my weight has evened out OR until I get desperate for new pants—whichever comes first! As soon as the wedding is over, I’ll be signing up with a gym so I can start taking classes and really kick my ass into gear, so I’m thinking clothes will be coming sooner J

If you’re reading this post because you’re on the fence about this surgery, please, listen to me: DO IT. Life is too short to sit on the sidelines and wish. I’m young (26) and have literally started a whole new life—I can’t fathom waiting until I was 40 to do this. My biggest hang-up about this surgery was not being able to eat the same things I used to, but you know what? I can. I’m just smarter about what I eat (no carbs other than naturally occurring carbs in fruits) and how much I eat (I listen to my body after each bite and stop if it tells me to).

The only thing I miss is popcorn. I miss popcorn SO BAD. I can’t wait to find out when I can eat popcorn again—luckily I’m a fan of plain popcorn with salt, not butter, so I’m hoping my nutritionist will tell me it’s okay once a week or so—it’s a good source of fiber and a great way to get rid of crunchy cravings.

I think that’s all from over in this little corner of the world. Hope everyone is doing great!

Ugh, work has been kicking my ass lately. I've been so busy that it's been hard to even THINK about my surgery, let alone dwell on it!

Right now my biggest challenge has been getting adequate hydration and getting in my 4-5 meals per day. I thought I couldn't eat for 30 minutes before/30-45 minutes after, but I was told that I can drink up to the time I start eating, which has definitely helped. I was pretty dehydrated earlier in the week, which was contributing to the exhaustion I was feeling, but I hydrated yesterday, which gave my energy levels a HUGE boost!!

My other challenge is learning to chew and eat slowly. I've taken to putting down my fork between bites, but even then, I still go too fast--about 15 minutes for a 2-oz meal. I'm sure this will get better once I can move on to soft foods and more dense proteins--I'm currently still in the pureed stage, and am only allowed to eat 2oz per meal. It's hard to make 2oz last 20 minutes, as I'm sure you all know. 

Other than that, I really haven't been doing much other than going to work, coming home, and resting on the couch before going to bed. Last weekend, my friend Shiera came up from Tennessee and we spent Saturday in NYC--did a little shopping, and saw a Broadway show. I was SO SORE the next day--my left side incision (with the muscle sutures) is still giving me pain that my doctor says will last for 4-6 weeks. Wearing dress pants to work is also a contributing factor to the pain. For the time being, I'm trying to wear my looser pants in addition to skirts and dresses, and if I need to, I resort to 5ml of Tylenol with codeine at night (my doctor gave a script for two bottles after surgery--one big and one small; I didn't even use up all of the SMALL bottle, so the big one is still untouched). 

I think that's all there is to say for now...hope everyone is having an awesome day!

I'm finally back at work. As much as I loved being able to sleep in and snuggle with my kitties, sitting at home doing nothing all day is absolutely exhausting. It's great to be back in the office--although I don't really have much to do today. I'm probably going to nap in my car on my lunch break, since I am feeling a bit tired. 

I'm still grumpy about being on the liquid diet for the next two days. I'm so ready to freakin' chew something. Anyone have any recommendations or recipes for the pureed stage? I can't wait to have eggs--I saw someone suggest melting a wedge of Laughing Cow cheese into some scrambled eggs to keep them creamy which sounds heavenly right now. I also want egg salad something awful--I make my egg salad really finely chopped, so it will be the perfect thing for the pureed stage (thanks to my father-in-law for introducing me to that style of egg salad!).

Other than some pain on my large incision on my left side, I'm feeling good--I sneezed 4 times in a row last night which is now causing that pain. I took some Tylenol to help and as long as I don't move around too much, I'm not in huge amounts of pain.

I hope everyone is having a lovely day!

After the day of surgery (and the nausea that followed), I think today has been the hardest of this whole process for me. I'm at my breaking point with this liquid diet thing. I've been eating the same "food" for almost two weeks and I'm going insane. When you add in the pre-op diet, I haven't been able to choose what I want to eat for a month...outside of the WLS journey, I don't know anyone who has eaten the same food every day for a month. I just want a friggin' cheeseburger or some popcorn or something. I wish the diet weren't "2 weeks of this, then 2 weeks of this, then 2 weeks of this," but "1 week of this and then try the next stage and if it doesn't work, then stick with it for another week." I feel like if I took it slow, listened to my body, I could eat a lot more than what I eat now and do it without hurting myself. It's just very frustrating.

I went back to my surgeon today for a follow-up--I've lost 7 pounds since surgery and 24 pounds from my highest weight ever (When I started this journey). I'm on the liquid diet for another week, but "liquid" is a broader term than I thought. My surgeon has said anything that is thin enough to be sucked through a straw is okay (although he says that my husband should do the straw test, as straws are bad after surgery).

Up to today, I'd only had broth, diet Jello, lite apple juice mixed with water, tea with fat-free half and half, and protein drinks. Today, I had some peach Kefir for lunch and some very thin cream of broccoli soup for dinner. I will admit that the cream of broccoli did not sit as well as I'd hoped it would, but I'm not sure if that was because of the soup itself or just the amount I ate. I was a little nauseous for about a half hour after I ate the soup, but then it went away and I felt fine. I also found it was better for me to drink the soup from the bowl instead of using a spoon--the spoon was leading to too much air getting into my stomach and it was giving me gas pains.

I'd still shank someone for a Baybel cheese.

Sorry I haven't updated in a few days. It's mostly been more of the same; a lot of resting, drinking, and whining about how I want to eat solid food (cravings have included, mashed potatoes, pizza, and tuna salad). 

I actually feel the best I've felt this whole time. I was able to cough this morning without significant pain (although sneezing still sucks) and I even did some light housework (just straightening up the kitchen--nothing bad, just a lot of puttering back and forth). I'm currently laid up on the couch watching Netflix and snuggling with my cat. Today is a good day--it's really nice to have the house to myself. I love my husband, but he's been a little overbearing the past few days--he wants to make sure I don't do anything I can't handle, which to him is ANYTHING. It's nice to have a little bit of autonomy.

I was even able to take a quick sponge bath, which helped make me feel a bit more human. Protip: If you don't have a handheld showerhead, I would recommend you get one--it makes washing a hell of a lot easier. ALSO, I would recommend that anyone who has trouble sleeping on their back go to Bed, Bath, and Beyond and purchase a foam wedge pillow. I was having such a had time sleeping until we purchased Mr. Wedge, and now, I can't imagine going through this without it. It's so much easier to get up and out of bed, as well as reposition myself in the night. 

Other than that, it's mostly a lot of the same old, same old. I'm so, so happy I did this for myself. I can't wait to go to the doctor tomorrow and see what he says--I'm hoping he'll bump me up to the next stage in the diet. 

I'm slowly getting better. I haven't had any nausea or issues since I got home, which I'm super grateful for. I spent a lot of yesterday legitimately hungry, which was a good sign. I had broth, Jello, water, and diet apple juice yesterday, and I've discovered that diet apple juice is my favorite. Water is my least favorite, ironically--it gives me has pain even if I'm just taking small sips of it (which is how I'm supposed to drink from now on).

Sleeping has been a bit of a challenge--I have to sleep on my back because of my incisions. I tried sleeping upright the first night home, but that hurt my back pretty badly, so I slept flat last night, but that makes it difficult to get out of bed and also makes me a bit congested. My doctor encourages walking, so I've gone out to Bed, Bath, & Beyond to do that, and while we were there today, I picked up my new favorite thing--Mr. Wedge.

As you can see, Mr. Wedge is exactly what he sounds like--a giant foam wedge for me to sleep on. He's wonderful and I was able to sleep for a solid 3 hours today. He is also Stitchy approved:

The cats got the bum end of the stick in this whole thing, I must say--they can't walk on my belly at all, which is especially hard for Stitchy, since that's her favorite place to curl up. She somehow snuck onto my chest without my noticing while I was asleep, which didn't hurt, but then when Anthony shoo'd her off me, she stepped on my stomach, which hurt a little (but nothing awful). I've taken to sleeping with a pillow on my stomach so that, should one of them try to step on me, it won't hurt (or they won't try because the pillow is there; either solution works for me).

I feel a little better with every day's passing. Gravity isn't my friend right now, just because it pulls the muscular suture in my belly, but once I get up and moving, it doesn't hurt so bad. I've been practicing taking deep breaths, which also helps. There's also been a lot of burping to get the excess gas out of my system, which is completely normal. I go back to see my surgeon on Tuesday for my first follow-up appointment; hopefully he'll tell me I can move on from the clear liquid diet to a semi-soft food diet. Semi-soft consists of anything that has the consistency of applesauce--blended soups, mashed potatoes, applesauce, pudding, etc.

Not much more to say today, other than to once again thank everyone for all of the well wishes--you're reaffirming that this was a great decision and you're making my recovery that much smoother. Love to all!!

Good morning, all! I had my Vetical Sleeve Gastrectomy on Wednesday, so I figured now would be a good time to update everyone.

First off, thank you to everyone who has been showering me with love and encouragement on Facebook–you’ve made this entire process that much easier.

We went to the hospital at 6:30 on Wednesday, checked in, and were sent up to the surgery floor. They got me all dressed for surgery and gave me a little bit of something that made me a bit loopy. I remember being wheeled into the operating room and moving myself from the bed I was in onto the operating table. I also remember them putting an oxygen mask on me, which had anesthesia in it, and then I don’t remember anything else but waking up in the recovery room. I scared the crap out of Anthony because I woke up extremely nauseous, so I was in recovery for about 3 hours before they were able to move me to a room.

I don’t remember much about the rest of Wednesday. My friend Amanda (who had the same surgery done by the same doctor in December) came by to check on me, and I feel bad because I passed out mid-sentence. She kept Anthony comfy for a bit. One of the ladies from my support group came by and brought all sorts of sample protein powders, which was super sweet of her. She works in the hospital, so she didn’t have to go out of her way to see me, but it was so nice of her to bring the samples.

The rest of Wednesday passed by in a cloud of extreme nausea and sleeping. I got up to walk once or twice, but that only seemed to make the nausea worse, so we didn’t do too much of that. I wasn’t allowed to have anything to drink, but they did give me a little sponge on a stick to moisten my lips and mouth, which was a godsend. I thought I was going to have an upper GI in the morning, but I didn’t end up needing one, which was great.  I didn’t use the pain pump very often because the medicine in it, dilaudid, was making me really, really nauseous–the last thing I wanted to do was hurt myself throwing up.

Thursday was much better. I woke up well rested at about 10:30 and spent the day awake, sipping water, eating Jello (which was diet “Red” flavor, according to the hospital), and walking. I walked a lot. They changed my pain medicine from dilaudid to a liquid version of Advil/Motrin/anti-inflammatory stuff that didn’t make me nauseous at all (thank god). My mom got to the hospital around 3, and I was released at about 4:30. PROTIP: Getting a drain pulled out of your stomach sucks. It hurt and felt weird and I think it rubbed up against my liver, which freaked me out a bit.

The next few days will be spent with Anthony and my mom, making sure I don’t get dehydrated, burping a lot (getting all the gas out that they used to inflate my absomen), and learning my physical limitations. I have a follow up with my doctor on Tuesday, where he’ll hopefully tell me I can move on from a clear liquid diet to purees–I’ve got a butt-ton of soup in my freezer that I made a few weeks ago specifically for the pureed stage.

To be completely honest, Wednesday was a bad day and I regretted deciding to do this to myself. However, now that my nausea is gone, as the minutes and hours go by, I’m feeling much better and don’t regret the opportunity of life that this surgery is going to give me.

If anyone has any questions you want to ask, please feel free to either ask below or shoot me an email at shortfatandsassyblog[at]gmail[dot]com

Love you all!!

Here we go!! If you're the prayin' type, I'd appreciate prayers, if not, good energy is appreciated!! See you on the loser's bench!