The realization.

Mar 15, 2010

I had a realization tonight too. An epiphany of sorts. A Facebook friend was discussing surgery with me via PM on that site. She asked a lot of questions, and one of the things I did was link her to Tom's 1 year YouTube anniversary video. Not to be a shameless groupie, but I must have watched that thing three times a week nearly every week from the moment I decided to have surgery and first searched videos on YouTube right up until the night before I went in to surgery. I must have cried almost every time I watched it too. Not only is Tom's transformation awe-inspiring, but I so desperately WANTED those milestone moments highlighted in the video (collarbones! new clothes!). And not only were those milestones great, but there was a light in his eyes an the end of the video. He was so damn happy, but "happy" didn't feel like the right word for it. I realized tonight, he was FREE. That light in his eyes was the joy of his freedom.

I watched Tom's video again tonight for the first time since my surgery. Then it hit me: I AM TOM. Not literally..for so many reasons, lol...plus I'm not at goal yet and whatever. But the collarbones! The new clothes! I'm starting to see a spark just kindling in my eyes. This time watching there was no longing for that joy Tom has....I have my own joy. My own increasing freedom. Perhaps I'm being melodramatic, but it floored me. I am Tom. Better than that, I AM ME. And to that I say: wow.

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