Kelly George
Well after a few years of thinking about it and working for approval for about 6 months I have my surgery date. Feb 16th 2007.The date has felt familiar all day and tonight it hit me. Feb 16 1988 my dad died. I am not really sure what to feel right now but I know that if he was alive he would support my decision. I remember being a young lady in my early 20's having lunch with him and he looked me straight in the face and said " I wish there was something you mother could do to loose weight I am so scared I am going to loose her" back then there was really no choice. You struggled, prayed, starved, gave in and felt worthless because you were not as strong, determined, or able as the lady that wasn’t obese. My mom struggled all her life. She is now in her 60's smaller than she has ever been due to diabetes and old age but she outlived my dad who had a massive heart attack not long after his teary eyed words to me. I made the decision that I don't want my husband to worry about me as my father did for my mother and I don’t want to leave my husband early as my father did my mother. He was 47 strong healthy except his choice. I have inherited my mothers obesity, predisposition to diabetes and strength of will and my fathers cholesterol problems and positive outlook on life and its problems. so I have made this choice and today it became real.
I was raised in a family of 5 children and I was the middle one. we had a good life good parents that loved each other and stuck it out thru the good and the bad. We are now all grown up and each and every one of us are obese. I am the 1st one to make this kind of choice and hope that I can be an inspiration to my siblings. if not to have something done for the obesity to at lease start making choices for there health. I was always the stubborn one. the one that never settled for what ever life gave me. I had to push the envelope and this is no different. I have been struggling with my weight all my life although I don’t think I had a problem until I had my first child at 16 way to young. But I have always believed I was fat since I can remember like 2 nd grade. at 16 I was at 260 lbs after I have birth to Jen my oldest child. I managed to loose the weight but it was not healthy at all. I met my first husband when Jen was 2 and married him. He was raised by a very obese woman and hated obesity. I was sure I would be able to keep my weight off so I just didn’t worry about it. Well after the birth of my 2nd child John I topped the scale gain to the mid 200's and after Tamara the 3rd child I was close to 300. no matter what I did I could not loose the weight. I started a landscape maintenance company I mowed lawns 8 to 10 hours a day 5 to 6 days a week and still was overweight. I would go from 250 to 280 but still a big girl. He hated the weight and soon started having an affair with a skinny lady and left me and the kids. It took a few years of counseling before I figured out that it was not me or my weight that made hate me but his own self worth that made him feel less of a man to have a fat lady for a wife. one day on valentines day we went to church function. The pastor asked us to write on a piece of paper what is it our spouse could give us that would cost him nothing. I wrote that I would love it if he could be more affectionate with me in public. He would not speak to me the rest of the evening and when we got home he said that he could not hold my hand in public because he was to embarrassed. I could not describe what that did to me. I locked myself in room for more than 24 hours and it took a friend to get me to come out. well the stories can go on and on but long story short he left and at the time I though it was the worst thing that could ever happen to me. I waited for him for a while but end result was that was God grace in my life letting me have a 2nd chance at love. I was single for years. Thoroughly enjoyed the years with my wonderful children. Dated some wanted a husband but wanted health and happiness more. I never really lost the weight but I did learn to love myself despite the weight. and then I met Al my husband who has been the best. He has never really seen the weight. He loves me soft a fluffy or not. we have been together for over 5 years now and married 2 very happy years. I started thinking about the surgery before I met Al when I had my gallbladder surgery but I felt like I would be cheating and I just needed to try harder. well the years went by and the weight didn’t go away. I was really trying. I had always felt like it was ok to be overweight if I didn’t let it stop me from living my life. Well the last couple of years it has been harder and harder to do the things I love. My back hurts all the time, my knees hurt and I can walk very far without sounding like a steam engine. I didn’t hunt last year because I know I was holding back the party and just didn’t like that feeling. I haven’t been diving as much because I hate having to ask for help hauling my own gear to the beach or boat and my back and legs just cant do it and carry all this weight. my cholesterol is bad and I am borderline diabetic. ok time to do something :) so here I am and I know I am ready. I worry about complications during the surgery and what will happen to my kids if I die on the table. But I am still ready and going thru with what I know to be the best choice for me.
Well it’s been 3 months now and I have lost 45 lbs. at first I didn’t feel much of a change in my body. I was eating so much less and it was hard to be patient with my body to drop the inches. I started in a 30 32 shirts and a 24 pants if they were stretchy. Well to be honest everything had to be stretchy. I went shopping last week. And I bought a pair of 22 Capri. Yes they are stretchy but I bet I could have gotten a 20. I still don’t like how shirts are fitting. My stomach although it’s getting smaller still seems to stick out to much. When I try on shirts that are fitted I feel gross. My daughter says it will just take time to get used to wearing fitted clothes again. Maybe that is true but I don’t like anything that has to stretch over my stomach and butt or shirts that don’t hang low enough to cover my stomach. So I am still wearing my bigger shirts. I have had to put a few of my clothes to bed as they are to big around the neck and the stretchy pants I just sewed in the side seams and the inside of the legs to get a few more months out of them.
Finally people are starting to notice. And I can see it to.
Eating is going very well. I am eating small meals. They seem to be around ½ cup to a cup but I can not remember the last time I cleaned a plate which is good because I just can’t seem to get used to putting small enough portions on my plate. I have the best of intentions and by the time I sit down I can’t believe how much I have on my plate. The dogs love me I always have food left on my plate.
I think the thing that I still struggle with is the desire for sugar. Not much but I do still think about it a lot. I have found that I can tolerate some sugar and chocolate. I rarely feel sick after eating anything but have found it easy to not over eat at a meal. I do find that I graze more now especially after work and into the evening. Boredom is not my friend. I find I want to stay as busy as possible.
I am surprised how it has affected my relationship with my husband. He seems to be happy for me and is very supportive maybe to supportive on some days asking me about everything I eat. But now that I have more energy I find my self frustrated with his lack of energy. Before we were more evenly matched I think, its funny but I felt I was keeping him down and now it feels the opposite.
I want to get up on the weekend and work on the house or the yard. He is sitting in front of the TV just like we used to do. Even though I know I don’t really have the right to be frustrated with him I find myself that way. I get out and do by myself and by the middle of the day I feel angry that I am doing so much and him so little. The funny thing is he has not changed. He has never been a busy bee. I always was before the extra pounds. I keep reminding myself that I am the one that has changed not him. It’s really not his fault.
Now that it is easier for me to eat healthy I worry about how much fast food he and the kids eat and portions are soooo huge. Yet there I was just a few months ago doing some of the same things. I have been making Al lunch every day as I have to plan and prepare for my self it is easy to include him.
