When you are this big, you just cannot hide...

May 20, 2010

I have been in a surly mood for a week.  Grrrr, is the best I could muster at some moments.  I did not feel like facing the world, I was just a little pissed off.  Last week, I had back to back appointments, all giddy that I was progressing to the point of getting "my date," just to get shot down.

In my quest to be honest, I actually said a couple things in my shortened 20 minute meeting with the Social Worker, that in hindsight, should have been left in my mental closet.  We all have history, some of us have gone through harder times than others, but it is how we cope (I think) that really matters.  Anyhow, the Social Worker decided in that brief span of time, that I was unstable - because I admit I have wrestled with depression (currently on meds), and I had a past that included stupid behavior in my quest to lose weight.  I was a teenager -- so, fast forward over two decades -- I am NOT that person anymore.

Before I can go further in my process, I have to get an "okee dokee" from a therapist.  My coverage is the key to this problem.  I have not been able to get just any Tom, Dick, or Harry to take me for an intake, so I started to feel like giving up.  I pulled my big girl pants up, went to my support meeting, told my dilemma -- horns trumpet -- I got a possible solution!

When you feel like isolation, that is the very moment you NEED to interact.  This coming from the mind of someone supposed to not be stable enough to succeed at weight loss surgery.  Grrrr.  Sad part of this tale:  I was asked, "Did you fill out the personality test?"  Ummm, nope.  So, hopefully it won't cost me an arm & a leg, I will contact the doctor other members suggested, take the personality test, and prove how emotionally ready I actually am.  Otherwise, I will not be allowed to take the next step until late July -- which means I may be lucky if I get surgery in August, maybe September.

Note to self:  Not everyone wants to hear the truth - they want to hear a canned response that fits in their little box.  So much for being a free thinking, honest person.

B  : )~

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