Left to my Own Devices...

Mar 15, 2011

I am spending a quiet week mostly alone.  My sweetie had to make a trip to California for his grandfather, so other than the kitties & my kiddie, I am being left to my own devices.  My daughter is an older teen, so it is almost like being alone.

For those of you who do not know what "head hunger" is, I would like to give you a brief explanation: It is when you are not physically hungry, but you still have the need/urge to eat.  Basically, it isn't real hunger, it is all in our head.  For anyone who has dealt with obesity, you may not have considered "am I really hungry, or just grazing?"  Last night, I caught myself grazing, and had to ask, "REALLY?!"  I haven't been "really" hungry very much since surgery, mainly because I try to stay on top of my eating, and have some type of nutrition every two hours.  By eating less more often, you should never have real hunger, which is our enemy.  If you wait until you are hungry, famished, starving, the mind shuts off, and I know I go into thoughtless eating - just shoveling it in.  Don't let this happen to you.

Emotions can trigger bad behavior, and being on "my own" is a good test to gage my triggers.  Last month I was doing great, able to say "no" to snacks, until... The spoiled little kid in me started whispering, "You should be able to have some, too!"  I caught myself trying a bite or two of something, which one or two cannot be bad.  Until I caught myself with my fingers in the candy bag pulling out a handful, I said to myself, "How many calories are these, anyhow?"  Reality can be rude, but sometimes it is the best thing to face.  I flipped over the bag, read the serving size, and the candy went back into the bag.  Last night I actually was having some animal crackers.  Before I knew it, I had had a second handful, and then close to adding a third -- good thing my hands are small.  I stopped myself, started having the internal dialog we've all had, and actually put the crackers back into the bag.  Just snacking for taste or crunch, or whatever reason we give isn't good enough.  I was watching television, and I really wasn't hungry.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try to focus on the next obstacle.  It is a new day, I am being proactive, and getting my work done.  I am sipping on my Low Sodium V8 (Man, I wish Campbell's would ask me to be their spokeswoman!) and deciding how to feed my body - in a healthy manner.  Making sure I get my water, my vitamins and supplements, my protein, and the necessary calories.  Yes, we do need calories, but if you count them, make them count!  My movement goals are on target, and pushing a little more everyday.  Being "there" for myself is probably the hardest thing I have to remind myself to do.  I often joke about being "self amusing," but I never really talk about being "self supporting".  I wake up with me, everyday, and frankly, spend more time with me, than anyone else, so I better like who I am hanging around with!

Getting surgery may help us with many things relating to food, but it does not shut off the emotions.  When I tell people to get their head as well as their body ready for surgery, it is because I have seen so many friends rely on the surgery being the "fix" to all their problems.  I do not have a therapist right now, wish I did, so I rely on myself to get me through things like head hunger.  If I knew why I do the things I do, I doubt I would be this obese.  Fixing the spoiled little kid who taunts me with, "Everyone else gets to..." isn't easy, but I am getting there.  Food is fuel, it is not an award, it is not comfort, it is fuel.   I think I may need to add an internal question to my daily activity:  Is my head on straight?

Remember to talk to the "spoiled little kid" in your head, and maybe you won't have as much trouble with head hunger!
Brenda  : )~

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