Reality Never Hurt Anyone, Except those Who Refuse to See It...

Oct 06, 2011

Just to let folks know, Little Miss Positivity has days she wishes she could muster MORE positivity, to pull her out of negative thinking.  Yup, had one of those days today.  Kept questioning myself, "Am I doing all I really could be doing?  Am I just too complacent?  Why do I keep thinking about Taco Bell, and I'm not even hungry?!"  The good news is, two days in a row I had thoughts of "Running to the Border," sadly there are a LOT of those damn restaurants along my daily flight path, I did not succumb to those thoughts. 

Believe it or not, this all got triggered before I went to swim today.  I got an amazing email from someone, and actually felt like maybe I wasn't deserving of such praise.  We all have these kind of days, but what we do to cope, that is how we can tell if we are "all grow'd up".  My mind has a way of going too far off the deep end when I have an hour or more to contemplate (that's why I only swam one mile today).  One of my thoughts was, "Should I go to OA?"  Mainly because I am upset with myself for having a stupid craving.  Okay, thin people have cravings, why aren't they lining up at OA?  What I need to consider is that; yes, I will have cravings - and; no, this doesn't make me a bad person.

Physically, I decided I am no where near as fit as I had been thinking.  This is another thing I was pondering the last two days.  Just as an experiment, I was doing sit ups yesterday.  Stop, I already know, crunches are the better exercise, I was doing sit ups just to gage where I was from my REALLY fit days.  Ten.  Yup, I gave up after ten.  I used to bust out 100 without a flinch, and barely a bead of sweat (total exaggeration, but in my head it made me feel super human).  So, party people, I am going to actually work from the easiest point of exercise, and work to Zumba.  I tell people all the time - I mean this - that if you cannot do something easily, that's okay, just start & build from there.  My plan is easy, Sit and be Fit for a half hour after waking up, then face the world!  See, I am not starting with Zumba, because I know I would not do well at it.  Instead, I will take something I should be able to do easily, master it, then move the NEXT step up.  Skipping steps is easy, but taking each one makes you more aware of the journey.

Thank you to everyone who follows my journey.  Thank you to those who take a few moments to write me.  I will keep my head held high, not too high, and keep telling all who will listen - STAY POSITIVE!  You will have days you don't know how to stay positive, but talk it out.  I took about a half hour, with misty eyes, talking my hiccup out.  It helped me greatly!  I also had a few things pointed out that made me feel a whole lot better.  So, if you are reading this & beating yourself up for not being perfect -- could you take a couple of minutes to focus on all the things you have changed in your life?  It will make you feel better, I promise!!!

Brenda : )~

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