ShariB
June 4, 2007
Jun 03, 2007
I am filled with fears. I have been on a 12 month medically supervised diet, and have my initial consult with the surgeons clinic on the 6th.
I am afraid I will be denied. I know this weight is killing me. A denial will feel like a death sentence. I would be doomed to a short miserible life. I don't want to die! I don't want to put off this surgery any longer.
I am also afraid I will be approved. Then all these months and years of talking will become reality and I will have to face surgery, a permanent change to my body. Do I really want someone to cut up my body? I got all emotional last week when I had to have a tooth drilled out for a crown (my first). Some way it was very traumatic to lose part of my tooth for the procedure. That was a part of me that will never be the same again. How am I going to handle permanent changes to my body?
What if I go through all of this and do not lose weight? What if I go to all this trouble and expense and I am still morbidly obese? I lost 20 pounds on the medically supervised diet, and then gained all of that and another 20 pounds. After 12 months dieting I am 20 pounds heavier than when I started. What makes me think I wont "eat through" my surgery? Will I be one of the people that surgery doesn't work for.
I am also afraid I will be forced into having by-pass surgery. I want the band. I am too afraid of having my plumbing messed up. But I have gained weight, and I am now over the maximum weight my insurance will allow for the Lap-band.
May 24, 2006
Tonight I believe it was revealed to me.
I have learned over the years what to eat, how to eat, when to eat, etc. I have lots of “diet” tools. But they don’t have a handle. I can dig a hole with that shovel that doesn’t have a handle, work and white-knuckle it every day, or I can have a handle put on my tools. I believe the Lap-Band can do that for me. It will help me to use the tools I already have in a more efficient way. It is not a quick-fix or a magic wand, it is a means to utilize the tools God has already given me. Thank you Lord for Your compassion and mercy.
May 23, 2006
Two weeks ago a friend had quadruple bypass surgery. It scared me.
I am morbidly obese; I have high cholesterol and triglyceride levels, asthma, severe sleep apnea and a host of other weight related issues. For years my primary care physician has been recommending weight loss surgery. Four-years ago she told me that any risks from surgery out weigh the risks of staying obese. That scared me enough to lose nearly 80 pounds, which I soon regained and another 20 pounds. That was the third time in the last fifteen years I have lost and regained a significant amount of weight. I do not believe my weight has EVER been stable. I am always losing or gaining. I currently have a BMI greater than 48.
I have been very reluctant to have surgery. I felt if I just tried harder I could lose weight in a much less drastic way. I have been struggling with this for months. When my friend had bypass surgery it made me stop and take a hard look at myself. I realize, year after year, my weight is going higher and my co-morbidities are getting greater and more severe. Working harder is not working. Do I want to end up having heart surgery? Do I keep trying to lose weight and failing or do I intervene? If I continue on the same track I am on, I will probably not live to 60. If I have surgery I could lose the weight and keep it off, having a normal life. I will get to see my children grow up. I will get to see my grandchildren and I will have the energy to play with them. The idea of anesthetic and surgery scares me, but so does heart disease and living crippled from arthritis. Surgery seems like my only option at this point.
Today I scheduled an appointment with my primary care physician to discuss my options and get a referral to a surgeon. Hopefully I will have my first consultation before the end of
